( How Shall We Rise After Falling? Part 1)
(( Note: This conversation occurs before A Goodbye to Yanca ))
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Rathvald’s eyes flitted to and fro across the moonlight washed landscape of Tol Lochú, searching for any signs of movement while he rowed the tiny boat ever closer to the shore. All appeared to be still and silent as he stepped out of the boat and onto the wave-grooved sand, but the velvet cover of that midnight starry night had hidden a large figure in its inky blackness, and it was now lumbering its way toward him. Unaware, he turned back to reach for the boat and easily dragged it ashore; it was a motion that seemed to be second nature to him- something he had done many times before after fishing on the Long Lake. Once satisfied that the craft was secure enough to where the waves wouldn’t pull it back out to sea, he grabbed his belongings and turned to walk toward the house only to be greeted, face to snout, by a curious bear.
Normally the sight of such would have sent fear into the heart of even the strongest warrior, but Rathvald knew this bear and it knew him- the two had fought side by side, had traveled many miles together, and the man had often hunted for and fed the animal. “I thought I might run into you.” Rathvald said as he grinned at Rollo and reached into his bag to pull out a whole roasted rabbit. “This is for you if you take me to her.”
Rollo eyed the plump rabbit and within the blink of an eye it was in his mouth; however, instead of immediately swallowing it up in one gulp, the bear turned around and paraded off with it, much like a dog with a new chew toy, as he led Rathvald to the highest point of the island where Addie had taken up residence since she had returned from Minas Tirith. Her back was turned to him as he approached, but he knew it was her by her blonde locks that seemed to shimmer in the moonlight. With each step, the harp on his back gently hummed, but it was his voice that brought her out of her trance. “Beautiful night.”
Addie gasped in a deep breath and her eyes widened at realizing that he was standing right next to her. Though she did not turn to face him, words came spewing out of her mouth in response, "I suppose it is, by the means that one would classify a beautiful night that is. The moon is almost full and its silvery glow shines bright upon the water. The stars are also lending their light, unhindered by any clouds, and their reflection in the water can be quite mesmerizing indeed. Oh! And the sea breeze is gentle and cool, making it pleasant to stay outside…”
“Aye, aye; the best bits of it are usually summarized in to such.” Rathvald nodded along and patiently listened as she continued to ramble on about the night- it was clear by now that she was trying to avoid speaking of other matters. When she finally ran out of things to say, she just stood there, motionless, and all was quiet for a moment. Rathvald rubbed the back of his head with a slight brush of his hand and his face wore an expression that spoke to the awkwardness. “So…uh...How are you doing?”
Addie let out a long, loud sigh and looked down to the ground. "I am sorry."
“For what?”
Addie’s shoulders slumped even more. “If you wish for me to say it, I shall… I am sorry for lying to you and sending you to fetch that dagger from Imladris. I put your life in danger and took advantage of a friend... and for what?"
“I'd say to mend a broken heart.” He placed his hand on Addie's shoulder. “You still mourned, grieved, and felt pain for the loss of one you love so, when an opportunity presented itself, you took it to try to restore them.”
Addie looked over to his hand. "It wasn't so much taking an opportunity as it was being made a fool of by some shade. I shouldn't have asked you to do that, Rath, and especially not in the way I did." She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as her crystal blue eyes locked on his. "Did the dagger harm you?"
“Only mentally; it dug into pieces of my mind that have sunk in to a grayish muck and plucked out memories as if searching for fine gems. But at the same time, it aided me in recognizing how to better myself. Even if my life was in danger, Dear Addie, I would say that I came out of it knowing more of myself than anything. What journey I was set on to get that dagger, helped. I found...solace in the Vales; something felt right there when I wielded both song and blade.”
Addie’s brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Rathvald found a smile forming- feint at first, but warm. "On my way back, as I was accosted by visions and whispers from that dagger, I lost myself for a time and ended up within the Vales- a place I've only before rode quickly through. I remember riding and then a branch bashing across my head, knocked out cold I was only to awaken sometime later in the care of a healer with my head bandaged up. My clothing had been dashed to bits and I later learned it was from those spider people, though I cannot recall their names. Either way, I found myself embroiled in a time of healing, learning, and finding myself as a warrior again. I spent weeks with them… fighting goblins that came from the mountains, singing songs that seemed to banish away what evil lurked in my mind at night- several ballads were lost to those stars… It felt as though my whole life was spent there; yet, in all that time, I knew I had a mission. After I felt it was time to go, I left them. Such is when we met once more."
Addie kept his gaze while he spoke, but when he finished, she looked back to the water. "I am sorry that you had to leave a place that seemed to suit you to bring back that which was nothing more than a plague to us all… and at my request nonetheless.” Addie lost what strength she was holding onto and sat down with her knees to her chest and her arms hugged around her shins. “I am sorry you had to face those visions; knowing that dagger, I can only assume they were awful."
“Part of life is facing what we wish not to... and yes they were awful, but such is because it knew to feed off of what made them awful to me. In those moments, what I saw...they were my failures, mine alone. I saw it over and over again… her death… my hands…” He paused for a moment to glance up at the stars and then sat down beside her.
Addie’s face paled and she quickly turned her head to look at him, eyes wide. "It used your mother, then?"
“'It did; yet...at the same time, that aided in my overcoming of guilt. She...she wouldn't want me to focus on a singular failure. Knowing what I've done, who I am, and how I've grown, and knowing what adventures and lengths I'd go to when it comes to the safety of others helped me face it. My mother may have passed on a long while ago, but my determination came in knowing that I could save someone else I cared for… it was something that led me to here, sitting under a sky full of glittering lights like crystals from dwarven depths with someone I care for.”
At his words, she looked up to the stars. “I do want to thank you, Rath.. "
“I don't think you need to. You being well…that is thanks enough.”
“Me being well only endangers all of you even more… I owe each one of you so much, debts I can never hope to repay.”
“Your mind weighs too heavy upon you, Addie. I don't think none of us mind shouldering that weight.”
"Nethrida and Finchley said something similar, but why should any of you have to shoulder that weight, Rath?”
“Am I not a knight sworn to protect you? If I did not want the sort of life which comes with it...” There was a brief silence as he considered the times he hadn’t been around. “Well I've disappeared before, but I’m always coming back though.”
Addie shook her head. “I do not feel worthy of being one that needs to be protected nor I do wish any harm to come to you in an effort to do so. You each have your own dreams and hopes that wait to be fulfilled."
“You're my friend, Addie; if you asked me, even though they are lost to time, I'd venture round Arda itself to look for things such as the Silmarils - least what I know of them… from reading that is.”
Addie side-glanced over to him and her mouth opened as though she was about to give him a lecture on why that would be a fool’s errand, but then she caught his grin and knew it had been somewhat of a ploy to get her mind off its worries. The corners of her lips turned up into a hint of a small smile, but it faded with the exhale of her breath. "… And I would the same for any of you, only I fear that whatever good I seek to do for any of you always turns out the opposite."
The gray of his marksmen eyes glistened in the starlight. "Ah, Dear Addie… Do I need to write you an epic to explain how much you worry?"
“Perhaps I do worry, Rath, but is it not for the best? Should one not be prepared for what could go wrong so that they can guard against it?” Her gaze turned back to the ground. “Even with all the scenarios my mind can think of, I still have not been able to foresee any of that which has happened... I once thought myself reasonably wise, by human standards that is, but it turns out that I am quite the fool… just as my mother used to tell me.”
“Starlight dances over fools still and the night does not wane for those that show humility. We cannot expect to place every piece into a puzzle before we've even seen it, nor can we let a pile of coins spill and guess exactly upon which side they'll land. Foolishness comes in to play when we worry about such and let that worry take over. I believe you are wise still; an event within our lives shouldn't consume us and fill us with that sort of dread. You're just simply… Addie. You’re a human, same as me. We make mistakes, yet are we fools? Is it not within our nature to learn from them? We progress based off of what we do and what actions we take, then, we let it go after we've understood.”
“What actions we take...” Addie mumbled bitterly. “Do you know what happened with that dagger, Rath?”
“No.”
Addie’s body stiffened and a fresh feeling of dread chilled her heart. He had left the island the day after delivering the dagger and had been gone for quite some time; she had hoped that she wouldn’t have to be the one to tell him what she had done, but it was clear that he was completely unaware of what had occurred in his absence. "It is only right that you should know what kind of monster I have truly been..."
She turned her head to look him in the eyes once more and her expression became somber as though she were now standing in front of a judge deciding her fate. "I lied to you about why I needed the dagger, Rath; it was never something that I thought was needed to keep me from dying… It was a key… a key to a ritual that I thought would bring my father back to life.”
Addie sighed and then continued. “I had gone to visit the Old archives in Minas Tirith to search for information on Hawke’s family history in hopes of finding something that would lead us to his father. While there, I came across a man, one that I can only assume was of Black Númenórean descent, or at least trained by such, for he had control of a cold magic- a dark magic. I was suspicious that this man might know something about the Aglarrâma cult and so I followed him. He led me to a place in those archives that had been sealed and untouched for many centuries, save for the signs of him going in to read and study, and it was there that I discovered the ritual.”
“I suppose that my mind was too far gone by then or perhaps it was in that moment when I picked up the scroll that I gave into the temptation; either way, I was driven to madness and only cared about obtaining the power to bring my father back. That scroll was nothing more than a glamour of the shadows; my eyes saw a spell written in my own language- one that seemed innocent enough and promised a second chance at life for all- but it was really a chant in black speech, designed with the true purpose of freeing a powerful fell spirit from his captivity… I used the dagger in that ritual, Rath, and freed Mans from his banishment. We had defeated him in Kheledûl, but somehow he was able to use my weak mind to free him... and now he has sworn our death."
As the information was passed on to him, it filled him with the realization that it was by his own hand that this 'key' was delivered. Rathvald lost his grin; it was as sudden as a flash of lightning through the night sky, and his expression now held all the somberness of a melancholic rainstorm. His eyes were cast from the sky to the water, and the reflection of the night ushering in the gray of the waves swelled in the pools of his own dingy orbs. With what could be called a painful breath, he felt his fingers wrap themselves tightly around the hilt of his sword- a sword that has drank the life from many foes- and only a few scant words passed over his paled lips. "It is fortunate, then, that I've found my sword arm once more."
Addie watched his countenance harden and all the guilt and shame she had been harboring since she had returned from the ritual at Minas Tirith flooded over her once more. She glanced down as his fingers tightened around his sword and nodded an acceptance of her fate as she closed her eyes. "It would be best if I were destroyed, Rath... Neth seemed to think it possible that Mans could use my mind and body once more to turn my magic against all of you. I... we can't allow for that to happen... I am sorry that I involved you in this and that I deceived you in such a way."
Rathvald pushed himself from the ground and clutched his sword- it was a tight grip, a trained grip, one that came from those that have found themselves needing a stern hand. Without a word, he removed the blade from its sheath and Addie braced herself for death. Tears welled in her eyes as she dipped her head for clear access to her neck, but she seemed at peace with this decision and held her breath for the impact.
The sword did fall, but not upon her; it's point bit into the ground while Rath fell to a knee. Surprised by this sound, she opened her eyes and looked up toward him. He knelt before her, a knight clad in armor not of the make of Eorlings, nor even in that of the tales from older times, but one encased in an armor that surpassed even steel or mithril – armor made out of faith in his friend and of the vows he had spoken. "By Bema, I will not allow that to come to pass - if such does, then my blade will be the first to fall, dearest Addie.”
Addie blinked several times. "I... do not understand… Why do all of you stand by me? Why are you so willing to meet death over one such as me?"
Rathvald stood and re-sheathed his sword. “I've already answered that for myself and there's nothing more to say.” He looked back down to her. “I believe I once asked you what we're doing here...what our purpose was. Mine, I found; through our time together I learned more about what it is to have friends...to banish what woe there is in the world… To defend those that care for me and that I care for.”
Addie nodded. "I also promised you that I would protect you. I meant it then and I still do... I might not have the ability to do so, but… I would die trying."
“Indeed you did, but before then, dearest Addie, let us find hope in a solution that is not as grim. Now then, I think some rest is in order.”
"I am truly sorry, Rath...Thank you again… for everything."
He nodded and turned to walk off, sparing her one last glance before her did. “Anytime you need me, I'll be there." His steps were few and he came to rest only a short distance away from her, concealed behind a stone pillar at the top of the ridge. He didn't sleep that night, his eyes being faithful to watch over her as he had promised.
