“I suppose the hour is nigh,” said Parnard drearily from his rocky perch, glancing over his shoulder up the hill. He got up and took a few halting paces before turning to his companion. "Danel, what if Estarfin…the guards yonder will surely hear any uproar? That would be me, roaring up in agony.”
Danel shook her head. “If he slays you, he will be swift,” she replied.
“Oh. So I will not have time to cry out, and the town guards, hearing nothing, will not come and take Estarfin away.” He nodded to himself, looking both relieved and a little green in the face.
“Parnard, he will not slay you unless you insult him again,” said Danel, “and quite probably, he will not slay you regardless.”
“How do you know this!”
“Because he likes you.”
Parnard raised his eyebrows. “'I do not know, he told me our fellowship was over. It seems fairly final to me.”
“Remember, he wants this resolved or he would not have agreed to meet with you.”
“Yes, that is true, but he seemed to take offense when I meant none: that is a problem.”
“I know,” said Danel. “But calling him a 'meathead' was strong. To many an elf it would be something to laugh off, but we are Noldor and of the First Age at that.”
“Now I own I was a rascal with my saucy insult, but how can I help it if he will take offense, no matter what I say?”
“'I would just say to try and work with him, for all our good.”
“'I always have, have I not?'' said Parnard, with some bitterness.
Danel answered, very diplomatically, “You have always tried.”
The two elves approached the place of meeting, a place sacred to Tintallë, when Parnard stopped short. He could see Estarfin, dressed head to foot in black, sitting beside a stone bridge, holding a broadsword in his lap, and drumming his gloved fingers on the blade. Parnard swiftly turned back to Danel, who had halted on the path.
“Are you not coming?” he asked.
“Maybe I go first?”
Parnard shook his head. “No. This is my quarrel.”
“It is not a quarrel. It is a reconciliation.”
Since when does a sword help a reconciliation, thought Parnard as he slowly approached the grim figure, Danel trailing behind at a respectful distance. Estarfin stood up, sword in hand. The wood-elf bowed low before the tall frowning Noldo, feeling that he was being eyed with the greatest scorn.
"What is your choice, Parnard of the Greenwood? Are we to settle this with blade or with words?" said Estarfin.
“Such harsh words did I speak to you, my friend, so vexed to the core was I when, unable to give you a satisfactory answer regarding my sudden disappearance from the Valley, it caused the greatest distress to me, that I lost my temper, along with my wits, and my fool tongue sped on unchecked and answered you with rudeness, and I despise myself for it,” said Parnard, the words spilling out rapidly. He kneeled before Estarfin. “I know you are angry with me. I beg you to first listen to the foolish tale of a foolish elf, and then decide what fate I deserve.”
Estarfin sheathed his sword slowly. “Speak then.”
"First you must know that I did not tell you all of this before because it sounds ridiculous, and I would not be thought of as ridiculous by you. I told you that I left with my brother. That is part of the truth, but not the whole of it. The last time I was in Imladris, I was sitting down to table, about to have dinner when I heard a knock at the door, and there was my brother Culufinnel!
"There was once a time when we were friendlier and there was no rancour between us. Alas! Those are the days of our youth to which there is no returning. I was mightily surprised and made more than a little afraid, for my brother and I do not see eye-to-eye about most things. Danel can tell you more about my troubles with my brother, as she has had dealings, of a sort, with him.” Danel nodded at Estarfin.
"Like the trusting fool that I am, I invited Culufinnel inside my chambers, for he is still my brother, despite all that has come between us. Perhaps you have a brother, Estarfin?" Parnard asked.
"No," said Estarfin, curtly.
Parnard sighed and continued, “I thought to share my good news about fair Brasseniel, but you know how news travels fast in the Valley; he already knew about my plans to leave for Greenwood, and that was why he came to see me, he said. He was friendly, and brought wine, so we got to talking, and carousing, and my heart was lighter than it had been for many a day, for I thought it a return to old times, and a mending of broken ties…
“And then comes the most amazing part! The very next instant I found myself beside a swiftly flowing river - I thought I was dreaming with my eyes open. Then I heard a voice by my side saying my name over and over. It was Culufinnel. He acted surprised at my dismay when finally he told me where we were: leagues away from the Valley, beside the banks of the broad Anduin, all the way in Rhovanion! How was I whisked away in the blink of an eye far across the land like that, I know not, but I think Culufinnel did me a mischief - no! I know he did me a mischief! But he would not admit it, telling me instead that I drank too much wine and do not recall things rightly.
“What was I to do? I could not turn back, alone and on foot. I had no provisions because Culufinnel would not give me any, and I could not persuade him to return to the Valley. I said, what of my friends? What of my Brasseniel! Surely they would worry and wonder what happened to me? And he said that was neither here nor there, for our path leads only straight to the Greenwood.
“Alas! I am not mighty and powerful like Estarfin of the Ruby Shield, but only a weak puny elf who cannot ever hope to best flame-locked Culufinnel by force of arms. Nor was I able to take any supplies, for my brother sleeps with one eye open, that I could not even play the rogue and steal what I needed to escape. I told you it was a hard path: a hard path I was forced to walk beside my brother. I left at once to find friends that were searching for me, but it seems that even though I am free of my brother, his mischief is still working, and now I am despised for disappearing like smoke on the water.
“And so ends the tale of a foolish, weak, miserable elf whose luckless life is full of such troublesome trials. Mercy, mercy, Estarfin, when you think what fate for me is best but know I would not leave without saying goodbye when I wanted you by my side! I think if you had been there with me, Captain Brethenel would not have put me off the way he did. He would have been mightily impressed seeing you, and then I would have been cast in a better light by your lordly influence. As it was, I was alone.”
His head bowed, Parnard added softly, “I wished you were with me many times since we parted. Know that I would go anywhere with you, but not to dingy dark Mirkwood, nor to the Sea, since you do not think it good: so we would not go there.”
“Do you seek to play me for a fool? What manner of creature is your brother to carry you many leagues in a day without you noticing?” growled Estarfin, his expression darkening.
Parnard winced under this address as if hit by a blow. “'No, you are not a fool, no! I - I am the fool! - but it happened just the same! Mischief!” he cried out, as if that explained everything.
“You were drunk and rode away with your brother. You were ashamed of what company you would have to keep on the road. You sought to travel alone, out of pride, fear, foolishness, or for honour. Any of these reasons could be true. Yet you cannot bring yourself to say them,” said Estarfin.
“No, no, no, Lord! I am telling you the truth! You must believe me! And I know not what you mean by being ashamed of keeping company.”
Estarfin sighed, trying to keep calm. Then Parnard let out a loud wail and threw himself on the ground at his feet. “If that is truth, I would accept it,” said Estarfin. “If you left without word, because you did not wish to travel with me, then so be it. I was injured, useless. I would understand.”
“But I wanted to travel with you. You were not that injured…at least I did not think so. You were just tired from lying in bed all the time,” said Parnard in a muffled voice, as he was speaking in the crook of his elbow as he lay on the ground. “I never thought you useless. If anyone is useless, it is I!'’ He began to tear at his hair in distress.
“I could barely lift a sword, a shield had to be strapped to my armour to keep it from falling!” shouted Estarfin. “Do not seek to twist the truth of that!”
Parnard stopped tearing out his hair by the handful. “What do I know of shields being strapped on properly,” he cried out.
Estarfin shook his head sadly, realizing something, and spoke more kindly. “Parnard, I know that Danel told you of what I said, that I would brook no further insult. Speaking the truth is not an insult, you need not fear. Tell me truly why you left.”
“Culufinnel!” he wailed out.
Pallid grey dawn had arrived, banishing the stars, and Estarfin became aware of the wan light shining around him. He turned to Danel and asked, “'What do you make of the tale?'”
Danel sighed. “It sounds fanciful; I consider it most strange, but I do not lie when I say Culufinnel has no honour. He has, to my knowledge, only sought ill to Parnard. If Parnard were to lie to us, surely he could have invented something better? I ponder that his brother did indeed poison him in Imladris. In truth, Estarfin...I think Parnard admires you greatly.”
“Oh yes, so much!” moaned Parnard.
Do not overdo it, Parnard, thought Danel.
“I do not need admiration,” said Estarfin, looking at Parnard thoughtfully. “If you speak the truth, it is a strange lie to tell…”
“I do not tell lies. I am a truthful elf,” he said, creeping closer to Estarfin’s foot in supplication. “I have no other truth to give.” Estarfin looked down with distaste at the crawling elf.
“Stand,” he told him.
Parnard got to his feet at once and stood motionless for several minutes, drops of perspiration springing out on his brow as Estarfin scrutinized his face.
“You said last night that you were concerned with having to tell so many that wanted to accompany you ‘no’,” Estarfin spoke at last.
“Yes, I did say that,” said Parnard softly.
“'I can choose to believe you. But what plans had you made then, before your brother took you... however that happened?”
“I never had the chance to make any. I only thought about it. I never made a decision. It is good to consider all angles, yes? It was important to me to succeed, but I did not.” Parnard was now expressionless and pale, fully convinced every hope of gaining his dear Brasseniel was at an end.
Estarfin frowned at him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I was told to 'go away' in so many words by Brasseniel's father. Come back later when the war is over. Try again.”
Estarfin folded his arms, looking tired. He still watched Parnard closely. “It seems then that you have much cause to be angry.”
Parnard's ears pricked up at this. “If I am angry it is at my brother,” he said, seizing the opportunity.
Danel nodded. “His anger was not at you, Estarfin. At least - that is my thought. He was rash and most foolish, but I do not think his words were meant for you.” Estarfin nodded slowly, considering her words.
“Parnard, it well-nigh broke my heart to hear you address Estarfin so,” Danel added. “But we can all be…meatheads at times?” said Danel to the two elves. Parnard hung his head and looked ashamed, while Estarfin remained unimpressed and unmoved.
“I understand anger, frustration. We can lash out at those close to us. Angry words, threats. These things I can forgive. These things I can forget. But insults? You insulted me, to my face. I did not misunderstand, I did not misconstrue,” said Estarfin, his voice full of menace, and he laid his hand on his sword hilt.
Parnard shook his head frantically and took on a peculiar expression of wide-eyed indecision that betokens an unsettled state of mind. “No, no....when did I insult you to your face?” he cried. “I am so confused! I thought I reckoned up all the times I insulted you.”
"Think, Parnard!" urged Danel, for his life depended on it, and she would not see her friend slain, insult or not.
"You wish me to repeat your own words?” growled Estarfin.
"No, no!" cried Parnard, and, trying to think harder, beat a fist smartly against his forehead with a great cry of exasperation. "Well," he finally admitted, giving up at last. "Maybe it will help."
“‘Meathead! All you know to do is swing your fists’,” Estarfin said, quoting Parnard, and glowered with anger. “Perhaps you are right.”
First having frozen in fear at seeing Estarfin’s eyes flashing fire, Parnard now relaxed again with a sick look on his face. “I do not know, I do not know..." he stammered out, his mind paralyzed with apprehension.
“Danel spoke on your behalf, and I agreed to listen. I have listened. You have cause to be angry with your brother, with the father of your betrothed. You have no cause, no right to speak to me as you have.” Estarfin released his sword. “I see there is more here than I thought. Perhaps I judged you too harshly. So be it. In honour of all that has passed between us, you have my forgiveness.”
With a relieved gasp Parnard flung himself down on the ground. “Oh, thank you, Estarfin!”
“Speak to me in such a way again, however, and I will forget any such ties,” Estarfin cautioned sternly.
“Never, never! I shall cut my tongue out first,” said Parnard with stark sincerity, and rose to his feet.
“It is the outcome I had hoped for,” Danel said. “And it is my wish that we never go to this place again. Much can be forgiven, but insults are a different matter. So let us not do that? Meant or otherwise, it is no game.”
“I shall never do it again - I swear it!” said Parnard, and saw Estarfin nod with approval.
“Shall we return to the house and open a bottle or two or Dorwinion?” asked Danel.
Estarfin shook his head. “I will tarry here a while.” Danel hesitated a moment, then bowed her head in understanding.
“Farewell for now,” said Parnard to Estarfin. The warrior gave him a stiff nod.
Danel and Parnard turned their footsteps back to town. “'How are you bearing up, Parnard,” Danel asked him.
“'I am fine, fine...just fine...fine…” said Parnard distractedly. He had a splitting headache.
“It ended as I hoped,” she said, not believing him. “Though it cost much: I think you know that better than me.”
“I am past the point of tears,” he said. “He is so - I do not know…”
“Difficult?” Danel smiled.
“I was not sure if I was going to be slain on the spot or not. It seemed to change from minute to minute.”
Danel nodded. “So it seemed.”
“I still do not understand some of it. All I can do is sieve my words with the utmost of care. Insults are one thing, but it was almost as if he was seeking fault. I do not know anything anymore.” Parnard shook his head. “One day, we may see eye to eye again…”
“May that be soon. But know I want you to remain here, if you will. Keep the room, or take the house by the lake.”
“It matters not where I lay my head, as long as it is still attached to my shoulders,” said Parnard with a rueful laugh.
Danel smiled a little sadly. “It shall be.”
“Thank you, Danel, not just for that, but for -” he waved his hand back towards the place where Estarfin presumably still brooded.
“'If he meant to kill you, he would have done so.”
“I know it, I know it…”
“Perhaps we shall find something merrier in the morning?” she asked.
Parnard shook his head. That would be exceedingly doubtful. “Well, I must go before I fall down on the road here and die,” he said gloomily, and left her, walking a desultory, aimless path as he strove to resign himself to the humility of his fortunes, thinking the most dismal thoughts.
