Death and other Distractions - Part 1



As the small group lingered in Trestlebridge after the trials of Fornost were past, it became clearer and clearer that it was time for them to go. Nethrida was called to Bree on urgent business concerning Elendil’s Vanguard and something to do with Addie and the Pale Kestrels, at least according to Ryn (see The Case of the Three Torches). Catalinna, while still confused and occasionally speaking like a 90 year old woman (See Dissonance), was eager to get out and around and both Gwyn and Dar were anxious to go with her, perhaps hoping to see more of their friend’s earlier personality in the woman.

However the key factor as far as Xandilif was concerned was the fact that Finchley was becoming increasingly quiet and aloof, two traits that were decidedly NOT like her. To the elven champion she seemed…haunted by all that occurred, even though her doom had seemingly been avoided. A change in scene was sorely needed for both of them, and so one bright morning Lif and Finch finally burdened a mule with snacks and grog, waved farewell to the others, paid off their boarding house bill, saddled Destiny the wonder horse and Xandilif’s war steed…and with Galvra flapping them behind cursing random passersby the two strange companions set on the road for Lake Evendim, on the “vacation” Xandilif had promised her. “What can go wrong Babygirl? We will say thank you to that blue strumpet for helping you on your last visit, tie up a few loose ends, and maybe get in some fishing. I ain’t never fished before….it looks interesting. How does it work?”

Finchley was always worried when Lif asked “what can go wrong?” but held her tongue…some time away from mortal danger, dark sorcery and evil necromancers seemed inviting despite herself.

They traveled in a slow, leisurely fashion, enjoying the road and each other’s company as Finch worked on her songwriting and Xandilif drank, though Finch would still sometimes fall into sullen silences that worried Lif, and the elf often caught her staring out towards the horizon with a sorrowful, longing look in her eyes…a look she had never seen on the girl before.

After many restful days and once Finch had devoured nearly every provision they had loaded on the pack animal and was wondering in panic exactly how you cook mule, they arrived at their first destination…High King’s Crossing.

As they road up onto the great marble bridge, overshadowed by the mighty Colossus lit by the rising moon, Finchley looked around and waved like an overexcited puppy when she saw some familiar faces, Rangers she had met on her last journey. Destiny leered right behind her, eyeing a few rangers with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

Xandilif swung out of the saddle and noted Destiny's interest and gave the horse a warning glare, patting her head. "Easy there glueboy...Rangers may not have large brains but they do got long memories and horse bites are pretty memorable."

Destiny looked at Lif and promptly snorted snot all over her hand before prancing over to where provisions were laid out for horses and helped herself like she owned the place. Finch smiled sheepishly and handed the elf a cloth, noting a few rangers moving out of the horse's biting range... maybe rubbing their butts.

Lif looked around, also greeting a few familiar faces from her travels in the region, and sighed. “This place never changes....always feels like it is waiting for something....god knows what though.”

Finchley nodded, gazing upwards at the massive stone statue of some forgotten king. “Maybe... You ever seen it from the top?”

“Of course….Babygirl, you read my mind...c'mon.” Xandilif grinned and grasped the heavy rope, quickly hoisted herself up to the top of the mighty statue with Finchley scrambling up the rope after her like a little monkey.

Once at the top, Finchley spun around and around dangerously, taking in the amazing view before plopping down dizzy to sit on the edge facing the dark shape of the lake, barely visible by starlight. She gazed up at the endless sky. “So pretty. Just as I remember it. C'mere.”

Xandilif sat down next to her to wait for the sunrise...and handed the girl a sandwich.

Finchley took the sandwich automatically and nibbled at it, leaning back on one hand, then gesturing with the bitten sandwich. "And to think, I almost sank to the bottom of that Lake."

The elleth shrugged and took a sip of grog. “Everyone does now and then…it is a heck of a long way to swim just to hunt stupid salamanders and deal with riddling lunatics. I told you back in that stupid clinic I would come here with you someday...didn’t I? You just thought I was raving...”

Finchley took another bite. "You also told me that night in Bree too. I didn't think you were ravin' then."

“So what did ya think then?” Xandilif looked at her curiously in the pale light from the torches far below.

Finchley stared out across the water, sandwich held in both hands, expression pensive. "I thought I was worried about you... Still am. I know this ain't exactly a place with fond memories for you."

Xandilif shrugged again. "Tough to find anyplace that is all sweetness and light...

Finchley nodded slowly. “I suppose…but some are nicer'n others. I think, this spot is pretty good either way. I can see all the places I've been and even some I haven't.” She pointed out across the lake. “There's where I found Mister Dewitt and then swam across in the dark to go get Floid…seems so long ago.”

Lig shook her head..."You and annoying horses...

“Hey now, Floid is a perfectly agreeable horse. Never hurt a fly. I couldn't leave him to the wolfmen. They were gonna eat him!” Finch took another bite of sandwich as emphasis.

Xandilif looked back out at the slowly lightening sky. "Anyway, no reason to be nervous about this place any more...Tris is free, at least I think she is....I burned a lot of power to break her loose from that little bastard, Mans.”

Finchley tilted her head. “What do you mean by 'burned', Lif?”

The elf shrugged and looked away. "That's what SilverWand does...it sucks in power then burns it...

“And where'd it get the power from?’ Finchley was speaking slowly, cautiously…this was more about the strange sword than she had heard before.

Xandilif took a longer sip of grog. “In Linhir? (see The Linhir Ripper) The little bastard made a mistake summoning all those shades...Silverwand sucked em down like you eat those cheese crackers....munch munch munch. I think Agon tricked him into that....but not sure why yet.

Finchley nodded cautiously. “It ain't ever took anythin' from you to burn, has it?”

Lif went quiet for a moment, then shook her head.  “Nah...I....I ain’t got what it needs. Not no more.” The champion seemed eager to change the subject. "So...Fornost and back again, huh? Told ya you'd be alright.”

Finchley looked out over the lake and slowly nodded, letting the remains of her sandwich rest in her lap. ”I suppose... It's what you hoped for, aye?

“Well...yeah....ain’t it what YOU hoped for?” Lif scowled, unprepared for that response.

“ ... Shouldn't it be? She's gone. Or as gone as she can get for now. And I'm still me.” Finchley looked at her lap, frowning.

Lif punched the girl lightly in the shoulder, careful not to knock her off the statue. “So...that means we won! Why ain't you happier about that, baby girl?” Masked in bravado, this was the question Xandilif had intended to bring her up to this point to ask her, and something inside her dreaded the answer.

Finchley shoved the rest of her sandwich in her mouth so she could rub her shoulder and chewed a bit, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “... It didn't feel like winnin'. I didn’t want anyone' to die. And... it hurt. She hurt more'n anything. And I saw 'em.”

“Saw who?” Lif watched her intently.

Finchley seemed to gather her courage and spoke, her voice loud, as if declaring some secret truth from this high vantage.”... My mother's name was Averill and my father's name was Ben.”

Lif went silent, letting the words echo just as the first edge of the sun rose above the lake., then spoke, her voice low and gently. "So you found that out when you were getting messed with by Aganalu? (See Lights in Arnor: Finchley's Battle) You always wanted to know that…”

Finchley nodded and hugged her knees tighter, staring out over the lake, barely breathing, trying so hard not to cry at all.

Xandilif nodded softly, letting the silence unspool, then put her arm around the girl. "What did they have to tell you?

Finchley struggled not to sob and leaned her head against Lif’s shoulder. “That they loved me... And I saw 'em when I took myself back again. They were right there. And then they were gone, just like that. Gone somewhere I can't go or reach.

Lif nodded again, looking out across the lake. "That is what death is supposed to be...Iluvatar's Gift...it makes the life you have, the time you have...precious.

“I remember 'em. Every last bit. I can still see 'em whenever I close my eyes...” Finchley voice dropped to a mere whisper. “I can see HER too.”

Xandilif winced, knowing the answer before she asked.  “Her who?”

Finchley whispered even lower. “Aganalu….”

Lif looked at her hard. "What do you mean...see her how?

Finchley straed out across the lake as light began to push the shadows away and clenched her fists. “Even though she ain't here anymore she might as well be. Every dream I have when sleepin' comes back to her. Every good thought turns into somethin' scary and it's usually her... She hurt me, Lif.”

Xandilif would have killed the ancient sorceress again at that moment if she could have, but she swallowed her rage and spoke, slowly, gently. "Baby girl...ya gotta let that go...she is gone. You beat her fair and square...even if she comes back, she ain't your problem anymore. Whatever plan it is that your Grams and your parents cooked up worked, mostly.”

Finchley shook her head violently. “But I didn't! I didn't beat her at all. She's the one who threw herself on my knife that you gave me. I couldn't even do it!... I ran and then she killed Galvra and my parents and Grams and I couldn't do anything but say no and... it was too late. She had already killed Miss Sable. It's my fault!”

Lif kept her voice slow but spoke more firmly. “Baby girl..none of this is your fault...whoever Aganalu killed in your mind were already long dead. She was just doing that to make you feel like this...and when she couldn’t break you, she chose another fecking tactic. As for Sable....there was nothing any of us could have done....if that is anybody's fault it's Red’s for not giving a damn that Sable ran off alone…But maybe Moyna MADE her not give a damn...maybe things happened the way they had to...?”

Finchley continued to shake her head. “I promised you that I would get better. That I'd fight and do what I had to. But... in the end, I didn't do anythin' at all. You did... I tried so hard but I just-.... She tried to get me to give in and all I could do was say no. It weren't good enough... I even felt sorry for her in the end.”

Xandilif reached out as if to pet the girl’s hair and slapped her in the back of the head.

Finchley winced and rubbed her head. “Owww, what now?”

“Babygirl....that WAS beating her...saying NO.” Lif met the young woman’s eyes. “Just refusing again and again is beating her...that was why when I lopped her head off she was spent, powerless....you took her sorcery away by refusing to surrender to her. That is how evil works....you said NO, you would find another way. You did what I...” She stopped herself suddenly and went silent, watching the lake.

Finchley turned suddenly and hugged the elf tightly, shaking but not crying as Lif hugged you back. "You WON, Finchley...you made your parents proud. All that stuff that Moyna told me...about you being chosen cause you were resistant to evil...what part of you did ta think they meant...your body?”

Finchley mumbled into her shoulder “I don't know what they meant...” then lifted her head. “Waitaminute, Moyna told you what?”

Xandilif looked a bit sheepish and shrugged.  “When I chatted with her..through the mirror thing...she said that you were gonna be chosen by the Unsealed cause you were resistant to evil....you were the new body they had been waiting for to pour Aganalu back into...but they didn’t mean your body was resistant...they meant your soul. The way I figger it, if Aganalu could break you, make you give into her, she would have been 10 times stronger then she ever was, but you beat her. You even felt BAD for her in the end...you...pitiful little last born slave girl, felt BAD for the matron of the fucking Tribute Infernus. Can anybody ever be more totally defeated then having the one who beat you PITY you for it?”

Finchley slowly nodded. “I didn't ever think my soul or whatever was much that good. I just... wanted to do my best. I just wanted to get her out and get back to you. You said you were waitin' for me.

Lif took another sip of grop, one arm still around her. “I was...sounds like we all were, me AND your parents. And you did just fine, babygirl.

Finchley nodded thoughtfully and pulled out the dagger Iaew, holding it up carefully “You made this... I saw you make it when I was fighting Aganalu. Why did you put all your bad feelings in it? And why'd you give it to me that day in Bree?

A long silence, then Lif spoke. “I made that from my mother's sword. I snapped it in two and made two daggers, one for me, one for Rian. This one I poured all my anger into the blade because it had to go somewhere or it would have swallowed me whole. As for the rest, I gave it to you because I thought you could use a little anger... Was I wrong?”

Finchley shook her head and put the dagger back on her belt. “No... I AM angry. I want my parents back but I can't have 'em. And that's their fault. The ones who made 'em slaves. And the one who put Aganalu in me. If I ever see those people again... I'll slap 'em real good. I'll kick their butts. I really mean it.”

Lif nodded slowly. “Yeah I reckon so, but it goes a long way beyond one person, or even some people...it's all about politics. Angmar politics…”

“Then I'll kick ALL their butts.’ Finchley put on as hard a face as she could manage.

“Y'know what....maybe you will at that.” The elf kissed the top of her head. “Finchley, Queen of Feckin' Angmar.”

The girl laughed, for the first time in what felt like ages. “I'll plant flowers all over the place and have little tea parties.”

Lif laughed as well. “Put all the orcs in filly little party dresses..with big hats. You’re gonna be alright babygirl.”

Finchley laid back and watched the early morning clouds roll by. “You think so?”

“Yeah....I think so…” Lif laid back with her.

Finchley absent mindedly took Lif’s hand, still talking. “Cause it sure don't feel like it. I feel like I've been trampled over by a herd of cows.

The elf looked at her, raising one eyebrow. “What the feck do cows have to do with it?”

Finchley spoke dreamily, the warmth of the sun and the talk making her sleepy. “A cow stepped on my toe once. By accident of course. But it was a really fat cow and it hurt somethin' awful for a few days.”

Leaning up on one elbow, Xandilif just stared.  “So your measure of horrible pain is now...cows? Seriously?...and how do you know it was an accident? Cows are a lot meaner then they look..."

Finchley closed her eyes as the sun got warmer.  “You know what? Sure. I'll measure my pain by cows. It makes sense. And I know it were an accident cause the cow was just tryin' to get at its food. I was standin' in the way a little tryin' to pet it. Should've known better.”

Lif shook her head and laid back again. "Cows....What am I gonna do with you, ya dingus...honestly?"

Finchley smiled to herself. “You're gonna stay with me, hopefully. Hey, Lif? Can I ask you a favor?  You catch me dreamin' somethin' awful about Aganalu like I have been for the last few weeks at night, wake me up. I don't wanna keep dreamin' of her and everythin' she did and wake up all scared by myself in the middle of the night all the time.... I'll do the same for you if you like.

The elf nodded softly. "Yeah...ok... So..how we figure we gonna find your naked blue friend so ya can thank her proper? (See Evendim) Drown ya again and see if she shows up to fish ya out? Huh? Finch…?”

But the girl was already fast asleep in the gentle sunlight, snoring peacefully for once. Planning the next step on their vacation could wait until later.