((neatly penned in Lumi-kieli))
It has been more than two moons since I last wrote in my journal and I am not sure why. During the time of the drought, while I was fasting in hopes it would be a sacrifice the spirits appreciated, I had much time for writing. I wrote a song for Beri but I have not felt any spirit for writing songs since then, either. The drought and the fasting were tiring, even if there was little working to be doing. The inn was very quiet, even with me having to do the cooking again. Beri and some others went to Staddle and even met a river-spirit, though I never got to do so, but they did help with a problem with the well, and then the drought broke, and that was a few days of cheer, but soon enough it was back to being quiet.
What should I have written about? Well, of course, Nalleni. During the drought the Constable told me it was not safe for me to walk in the streets of Bree alone. I never saw anything to make me think he was not just being over-cautious, but for a week or so, right after Beri got a job tending livestock at Windview Farm, I was staying with her there so she could walk me to the Pony. Then I moved out of the small room I have been keeping in the courtyard by the market to a larger one, one story lower. It is still fairly small and modest, but it has a hearth and there is room for both of us and Suojelija too, so now we are living together. Lately I have been teaching her cirth, and soon I think we will start on tengwar. I bought her a small journal and a pen so she can practice writing them. She is talking to a friend of Egfor's about learning the healing of animals and hopes to quit working at Windview, where they work her so hard. At least once she has learned enough to take up work with healing animals. I wonder if she can talk to all of them, the way she talks to Suojelija. That would certainly make healing them easier. Though I suppose Sofie would say being able to talk to her patients does not always help!
Those two Elf-stones that that strange Elf once gave me as a tip were made together many ages ago and are in some way I do not understand made to stay together, to find one another. I almost sold one to Frimsi but luckily for me he was not willing to offer as much as we had previously discussed so I did not sell it. I had hoped to sell it for enough that I could donate it to help people who were suffering because of the drought. Now that I know they are made to be together, my plan is to find a jeweler to make them into simple silver necklaces and then when I have them, offer one to Beri as a token of proposing to marry her. It may take a long time to save enough, though. I am waiting to hear from a friend of Frimsi's who does such work in Siniset Vuoret; I have left a letter for him to send to this friend explaining what the working would be. Kivi-väki craftsmanship is of course famous, but probably very costly for me, especially on a serving-girl's salary. And though I have gotten a promotion now that I am back to being in charge of the kitchen, I am making almost no tips, so I am still making much less than in the summer. Though I was given a tip of a whole gold penny by a man from Rohan I had never met, specifically to help pay for the working, and Beri convinced me it was probably not cursed by ill deeds, so maybe I am closer than I think.
I had spoken to Aellwenn about getting the necklaces made, but she never told me a price. Some days she seems to like me well enough and other days she avoids me or is very curt with me. And ever since she and Dirtar parted ways in so public and painful a fashion, I have not even seen her. I once thought that perhaps we were friends, but I think maybe we never were, or if we are, it is yet another friendship I ruined somehow, probably with the way I talk. And I am sure that Eira no longer thinks of me as a friend. She spoke to me of fears about her babies, but when I suggested she spend a few moons somewhere safer until they came, she got very angry, and ever since, I have seen her about five times and every time she has ignored every word I said to her and not even looked at me when I waved. It is a deep hurt in my heart every time I see her and know that it is so far broken that I cannot even try to mend it; how can you mend a broken friendship if she will not even speak to me? I suppose if this is what she wants I will respect it and leave her be. I have broken many friendships in my life, almost all of the ones I ever had, so having to respect their wishes and stay away is a familiar hurt. Still, last night I saw her and she ignored me when I waved to her yet again, and it made me feel like I was back at the winter festival all over again, when I had made the fisher who did that amazing ice carving so upset she not only would not speak to me but left the village, and I still do not know why.
My mother would probably be laughing if she could read this. Just be yourself, only not as much. I have tried that, but I have not tried it very well. Every day I again read the letter they sent me and I miss them so much. But I do not miss how I felt when I lived there. Still, last night was one of many nights I felt the same way even here. It is funny to think of all the people I once thought were friends in Bree, how many no longer speak to me, and that, other than Mister Night who I see so rarely, of all people it would be Rue that I talk to most freely now. I wonder how long before I have broken those friendships as well.
Reminders:
• get some paints (though I have not again seen that woman who I talked to about lessons)
• finish this moon's candles for the orphanage and deliver to Dem
• buy fruit for the kitchen at market
• give Beri her practice journal and pen
• speak to the potter about another batch of wash-basins for the rooms
• remind Butterbur to make more blueberry ale
• arrange cider delivery from the Undertree family in Staddle
• try to do some writing or sketching again
• while I am in Staddle ask about lanolin; maybe there are sheep-herders there
