[ TRIGGER WARNING: This entry has mentions of character death and grieving. Read at your own risk! ]
[ Continued from the last part.]
-
After long days of travel - many of which Finchley spent in uncharacteristic silence - she and Xandilif finally arrived at the docks of Tol Lochúl. Her green eyes shifted to the left and right, taking in the sights. At the sight of so many white birds - just like the ones she dreamed of before - flying overhead, she felt a strange sensation of bittersweetness fill her chest and settle around her wounded heart as she followed the elf up the steps from the dock, looking incredibly tired and careworn, though there is a sense of steadfastness about her now.
Finchley was not afraid of feeling her own pain. She intended to face it and even embrace it as best she could.
"Welcome home, Sweetmeat," said Xandilif, pulling her from her thoughts.
"... That's an awfully big house," replied Finchley as they neared the frankly massive stone estate that was situated on the island. She couldn't help but stare up at it once they reached the threshold. If she thought the House of Elrond was grand, this place was even more so. And she was to call it a 'home'?
"Nah. Smells like a girl's locker room when Rian has the whole brothel laying around in there," said Xandilif, which made Finchley snort just a little. After a bit of aimless staring on Finchley's part, Xandilif pulled her from her quiet thoughts again. "Ya okay?"
She looked to the Champion and attempted a smile, however sad and tired it might look. "Oh... Aye, I'm okay. Or I will be."
Xandilif nodded and pushed the doors open. Finchley quietly followed the elf inside and couldn't keep her mouth from outright dropping open a little upon seeing the grandly decorated inside. But, again, her attention is diverted by Xandilif again and she finds she is grateful for it. Someone has to keep her on track, after all.
"Likely Xan is in with Tuile. She ain't left it, since... y'know."
Finchley nodded and wrapped her arms about herself, as if cold. "Do you think it's a good idea to... see her?"
The Champion nodded and motioned for the woman to follow her through the interconnected hallways to the right, bringing her at last to the doorway of a circular room with a high roof made of intricate metal panes and glass. In the center of the room grew a ginormous tree. And beneath that tree sat Xanderian, garbed in white, and a woman Finchley did not know. Said woman stood when noticing her presence and stepped towards her. Though it took Finchley a few moments to put together the pieces in her grief stricken mind, she eventually dedeuced who the woman was.
"Oh... You are... Small Finchley, yes?" asked Cyndwin.
Finchley smiled a little and nodded. "O-Oh, aye that's me." Her gaze turned towards where Xanderian sat and she can feel the tears welling up again, try as she might to keep them at bay. If she herself was feeling this much pain inside, she could only imagine how much the elf, who had loved Hawk for much longer, was feeling.
Cyndwin hugged her a little awkwardly. "She is in with Tuile... I'm so sorry."
Finchley accepted the hug with her usual lack of awkwardness when it came to such things and let a few tears fall before reaching up to wipe them away. "Thank you..."
"My love... who is here?" Xanderian's voice drifted from where she sat before the tree. Finchley pulled away from Cyndwin's embrace and stepped into the room a little ways before speaking with a semi-hoarse sounding version of her voice.
"... It's me, Xan. It's Finchley."
Xanderian rose and turned. She seemed to be carved from alabaster, face fixed and calm, eyes nearly translucent. Seeing her like this broke the metaphorical dam that held back Finchley's tears and the woman raised a hand to cover her mouth and stifle a gasp. She hunched over a little, feeling that same pain in her chest again.
"Small Finchley ... I... I am so, so sorry."
Finchley sucked in a breath of fresh air and lowered her shaking hand, willing herself to be strong through this. She would not bend the knee to despair no matter how badly she hurt. Not today or any other day. It would go against her very nature to do so. "N-No, Xan. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!"
"Sweet sister, come to me... I have missed you." Xanderian held her arms open and Finchley couldn't help but to practically launch herself into them, wrapping her own arms about the elf tightly and shaking with the effort to not outright weep. "I am so glad you are with me," whispered the huntress as she buried her face in the woman's short locks of hair, starting to cry again herself.
"I missed you so much... I'm sorry... I was too late. I'm so sorry."
"We were all too late my sweet one. None of it matters now."
"Thank you... For sendin' Lif to get me."
"The Banshee needed to speak to you... and I bid her bring you home..."
"Will Lif be alright? I was unfair and I'm afraid I may have asked more than I should have of her... I can't bear the thought of her feelin' guilty for any of this."
'We all bear our weights. Her guilt is not borne of you, for she too shared history with Gwaelion and mourns him in her way."
Finchley nodded to Xanderian, though she remained ever worried and sorrowed that strong Xandilif, of all people, could be feeling any measure of guilt for any of what had happened. She reluctantly pulled away from the long embrace to look at the elf again, failing momentarily and uncharacteristically to find words to say. This time, Xanderian filled the silence for her.
"He loved you dearly... You brought him hope. That kiss at the breeding ceremony was a treasure without price for him."
The woman let out a little huff of laughter at that. Leave it to Xanderian to use those sorts of words to describe Leoffrith's and Lumina's wedding. Still her laughter fell flat and she took to frowning again. "I just wish I could have told him. I wish I could have made sure he knew how much I loved him..."
Heavy silence filled the room and, again, thankfully Xanderian sought to fill it.
"The is Tuile," she said, gesturing to the large tree that grew from the earthen floor. "She has been tending me since Hawke perished... Sweet Tuile, this is my sister, Small Finchley. We share a heart that is now broken, so protect and guide her as you do me, for love and love alone." The elf moved to wrap her arms about the tree's trunk.
Finchley wiped at her tears but eventually just gave up on trying to tame them altogether. She stepped up to the tree, looking upwards to its branches. She reached out and laid one hand upon the rough bark for a moment before letting it fall loosely by her side once more. Her other hand immediately moved to her chest to rub at the space slightly to the left of her sternum, as if she felt pain there, and grimaced.
"I am sorry, sweet sister," Xanderian intoned. "You have traveled so far for so little."
"It isn't so little I don't think... I was gonna beg Lif to drag me here with her if she hadn't planned on doin' it already."
"Allow your new family to make amends to you... Eat, there is plenty laid out."
Finchley rubbed at that painful space in her chest again. "It's alright, I... don't feel very hungry." She turned to Xan and reached out to take her hands.
The huntress smiled softly. "Now I know the world is indeed ending. Finchley refuses food."
Finchley laughed loudly and suddenly at that. But, all too soon, her laughter turned into crying and once more she was weeping like a child. "Ah-- I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry!"
Xanderian wrapped the woman in her arms again. "We will be fine...and together... I have lost my dream of her and only you would under stand it. How does one bear losing a dream you have not had yet?... We must find the answer to that riddle, sweet Finchley. The both of us."
Finchley hiccuped and nodded. "Anythin'. I'll bear anythin'... I told Lif, I won't run away." She reached up and attempted to wipe her tears away again. Honestly, bast all this crying on her part! "W-What did you see? Was it like dreamin'?"
"I... When I was dead.... The walls between the might be and never were grew thin for me. I saw many many things. I saw you and Gwaelion, beneath a garland of flowers... Holding hands as many Dwarves cheered... And he kissed you and you blushed. Then kissed him back. You were both different. Older, I think, but not aged... And you were both so happy it filled my soul with joy... And I saw Merileth... Raven hair and quick of eye, smiling and sly, never still, always talking..."
Finchley smiled sadly. "... P-Perhaps, wherever it is we go when we pass... I should be much comforted and happy if, one day when the time comes for me, it should be like that."
Xanderian started to weep again, grabbing Finchley by her shoulders."And she is no more... I can no longer see her... She never shall be. I can no longer see her or Gwaelion... They are gone."
Finchley looked Xan over, brows drawing together in concern and confusion. "Merileth... Gwaelion... Xan, there is so much I don't know. Afore I left Bree I learned more still. But I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle yet... But I think you do."
This seemed to calm the elf down a little and her grip on the woman's shoulders became less frantic. "Gwaelion... You knew of Hawk's true name, yes?"
"He never spoke of it to me... He never spoke much of himself. Only a few things, but I didn't ask for more because I saw it made him sad... I didn't want him to feel sad but I should have asked. Even if he were to tell me somethin' awful, it wouldn't have changed how I felt."
"He knew little more than you. But Gwaelion was the name his mother, Merileth, gave him when he was a babe."
"I see... But then, why call himself Hawk?"
"It was not safe, though he never understood why. Names are powerful things."
"... And it had somethin' to do with why he was taken in the first place? By that... Viper?"
Xanderian nodded. "Yes, though we are unsure how all things fit together. For dark reasons, he was ordered killed by the father of his birth. We believe he is a man of dark sorceries. The Viper is now dead."
Finchley nodded and the look in her eye seemed to grow fierce for a brief second as her free hand clenched into a fist at her side. "Good... Good. He won't hurt anyone else anymore." She let out a sigh as her momentary fierceness vanishes to be replaced by tiredness once again. "Xan is there anything that... that he left behind? I mean, I've only got his only letter to me but--..."
"Yes..." Xanderian reached to her belt to retrieve something and then gently draped a chain with a familiar seagull pendant dangling from it over Finchley's head. "He would wish this to be yours."
Finchley took the seagull pendant in hand and raised it up before her to get a better look at it. "... But what about you?"
"I have my memory of the dream; of the laughter of Merileth that will never be... My sweet Isilme... I will bear her smile as my remembrance until that fades into the fog of things what never come to pass."
The woman nodded and let the pendant drop to rest against her chest. For how light it was, it somehow felt heavy to her. But, she decided, it was a weight she would gladly wear and bear. She reached into her tunic and pulled out a bit of paper that looked like it had been refolded many times over. She opened it up and stared at the writing that belonged to Hawk, not really reading anything. "When I'm ready, I would like to see the place where he fell. B-But not by myself... I will have to say goodbye and I'd like to do it proper."
"When it is time, we will go there... But he is not there. I know not where he is."
Finchley merely smiled sadly. "It'll be good enough for me. Lif said he got washed away by the water most likely... But it's okay. When I look over the Bay, I can imagine that he's everywhere in it." The elf gave her a nod as she refolded and tucked the paper back into her tunic. She sighed, running a hand through her short locks of hair. "... I'm so tired. I don't think I've been this tired since I lost Grams. And even then it was... not like this... But I don't want to be alone. Not yet. Even if that makes me sound like a baby."
"Come. Rest here with Tuile and I."
The both of them settled down upon the grass near the base of the tree. Finchley curled up, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her chin upon the. Despite her efforts, the tears well up and fall again. "I-I'll find away to put all these broken bits back together again. And even if it gets hard, I won't run away from anythin'. I'll become me again." She hiccuped. "R-Right?"
"Indeed... And you will not be alone; never so," replied Xanderian, petting the woman's hair gently.
Finchley nodded tearfully and rolled onto her side, still tightly curled up. "... I love him. I love him I love him I love him. And he's gone... I wish he was still here."
"So do I... We were both too late. Now you have no garland draped kiss, and I have no Merileth. But we have one another, and others. Once, in black grief I was alone... But not this time. I am not alone," Xanderian whispered, still petting the woman's short hair.
Finchley nodded and reached out to take one of the huntress' hands. "He made me so happy.... So very happy, even if it was for such a short time. I've never been so happy before. Not even when eatin' taters."
"That is a precious gift..."
"I don't regret lovin' him. Not one bit. Even after all this... I've kept my promise to Grams after all."
"What promise?"
Finchley sniffled. "Before my Grams died, in her last hours, she gave me a blessin'. And made me promise her that I would live my life with as few regrets as possible. And I've done my best to keep that promise."
"That is a wise thing."
"I go to her grave all the time to tell her that I've kept my promise and to lay flowers since no one else does. Her stone hasn't even got a name on it 'cause no one knew it... She never told me anythin' of herself either. I was the only family there when she was laid to rest."
"Then, when next you journey there, we shall go together."
"Really?"
Xanderian nodded. "I would pay my respects as well to my sister's Grams."
Finally, as if she had at last found herself in the peaceful eye of the storm, Finchley smiled brightly as the sun despite her tears and squeezed Xan's hand. "... Thank you. I think she would've liked you a lot." Her eyes then began to flutter, as if she was fighting going to sleep. It seemed that her exhaustion from grief and long travel was rapidly catching up to her.
"Sleep, sweet sister... And dream of his love and kisses, for they shall always be yours."
Finchley nodded and quickly slipped into a deep sleep with tears still leaking from the corners of her eyes occasionally. Xanderian stayed close, still petting her hair and singing softly.
Somewhere in the haze of yet another dream about white birds - gulls - flying above blue waters, Finchley heard the word 'Isilme' again...
