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Epilogue - The Conclusion

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So endseth the Great Tale of the War of the Ring and the Mighty Lord Tallow, the best and greatest hero ever, or at least in the last few years.  And so it was as it is so and Lord Tallow did pass into shadowy darkness where the light shineth not or it would not be dark and shadowy, and he did pass out of renown and song.

 

Chapter 25…The Final End Begins to Conclude At Last in this, the First Epilogue That Doth End My First Story as it was Meant to Finish Even Since It Was Begun, at the End of the Tale At Last

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So it was now so as it was so to be as it had to be so, so King Sauron was dead and also defeated by me.  And truly was this glad tiding, because he would have destroyed the whole world or ruled over it or some such terrible thing, probably.  And all the army shouted aloud, ‘Hurrah for Nine-fingered Frodo and Steve!  Hip hip hooray!’

 

Chapter 24 – The End of AN AGE & A BATTLE THE BATTLE OF MORDOR IS BATTLED & I LORD TALLOW FIGHT KING SAURON THE BLACK & ALSO HE DIES & THE WAR IS OVER BECAUSE OF THANKS TO ME. LORD TALLOW

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‘Hello, Lord of the Black Land of Mordor, the Land of Shadow!’ I called in ringing tones.  ‘Let the wicked King Sauron come forth and do battle with us, the Host of the West, the Captains of the West, the Bearers of the Last Ring, the Lords of the West!’

 

Chapter 24: The Continuing Debate Is Continued & Concluded, & Our Hero Lord Tallow Meets with Griefous Treachery Most Terrible

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And so I did continue speaking.  ‘Verily must we strike against him, lest he destroy the entire world.’

 

‘I say we go to war!’ cried Prince Imrahil, who was a very tall man and loved to fight, broad and mighty even as an auroch.1  ‘Show that rotten Sauron what’s coming for him!’

 

Chapter 23 - In Which The Heroes of the Age do do Debate & take the Counsel of Me, Lord Tallow, in Determining How best to Slay the Evil King Sauron & Thus Win this Horrid War & end Evil Forever

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Thus was it so that thusly did Mr Elessar and I return to Minas Tirith with the Last Ring, having brutally and heroically slain the revenant corpse of Boromir, who had also been my old friend once before he was dead and also evil.  And so did we come even unto the city, and there did we tell all those gathered there of the sad end of Boromir.

 

Chapter 22: A Long Hard Journey

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‘No!’ I cried, with my mouth.  ‘How can this be!  Where did it go!  How did this happen!  Quick, someone, answer me?’

 

Chapter 21 — Part 2, The Council of Captains is Held & A Strange Thing Happens When An Old Friend Returns even though Verily Was He Thought to Have Perished

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With the nasty wicked no good Denethor dead, and all the orcs and Haradrim-men dead too, the Battle was officially over, and everyone cheered my name in great joy, and sang songs commemorating the terrible fight.

 

Chapter 21 ~ In Which the High Steward Denethor meets A HORRIBLE & GRUESOME END, AYE! verily does he BURST INTO FLAME in manner Unbecoming for the Ears of Tender Folk, Yet Also is it Just what that Rascal Deserved

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Quickly with swift speed I started running to Minas Tirith, killing all the orcs in the way with my sword.  The High Steward had to be stopped from doing whatever he was doing!

 

‘What is the High Steward doing?’ I asked the little fat hobbit.

 

Chapter 20, In Which A Big Battle Is Battled Between Lots of People & Someone Dies & Someone Else Also Dies & There Is Yet More Death in This, the Twentieth Chapter

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So did we all hop onto our boats and ships and sailing boats that we had heroically stolen from the Pirate Corsairs and sail off to Minas Tirith, to see what was happening even there.  The wind was at our backs, or to our front, whichever way made it best for sailing I think, and so did we go amidships verily avasting seawards and thus adrift the long fathoms between Pelargir and Minas Tirith.1

 

Chapter 19: The Battle of Pelargir is Fought by Lord Tallow & Mr Elessar & the Rangers & the Gondorians & THE LIVING DEAD & All the Corsairs are Killed Horribly & A Kingly Destiny is Fulfilled!

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1
With wrath and great heroicism we sprang after Mr Elessar and his ghostly army of ghoulish wraiths, shouting, ‘Hurrah!’ and ‘Now you’ll get it!’ and ‘Die!’ as we chased those wretched corsair pirates from Umbar.

 

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