Eacanwyn

Freedom is now within my sights, I need only reach out. Claw my way up out of this chasm I have found myself in. Grasp the ledge and pull myself up. How sweet it will be. 

Perhaps I will finally be able to take that journey to the Shire I was denied in the summer.

It is early as I write these words, I have just carried my flower home. As I saw her sleeping the morning prior I crept out of the house with a heaviness in my heart. I still could not think. Yet as the day wore on I grew lighter of spirit, the walk clearing my head as I suspected it might. And the further I got from home. Through the woods. The more I wished I had remained in bed at her side. The intensity of feeling building up within me and I dared to smile at the thought of just being around her.

A pie sits burnt in the oven. My mind a blank. It is difficult to think around my flower. Could she be listening to every single word in my head? I contemplate this absurdity for a moment.

Poor reader. You who have persevered thus far. Why do I talk to you? I was right in saying Delinor has a stronger heart than I. I tire of the webs of deception and the masks. Albeit for different reasons. But what should she do to me if she learnt that I had cut off Theroneth's head? He was in my employ for a goodly long while. That I hunted her old associates. That I killed the man in cold blood for naught but the crime of playing an influence in the degeneration of my father's path. Being one of the primary instigators I believe. Wouldn't it have happened anyway?

How do I even begin to describe these days. I set out with a game in mind. Fun, even. And what fun it was. Risky even for me. I learnt my tricks from Mabel, a feisty dark haired Bree-girl I may have mentioned before. She was a competent thief. In those days I must have known Rannie. But we never spoke. There were many faces in the Alley I do not remember. My appearance has changed much since those grubby days as well. I had jet black hair, the brigands had mashed some strange concoction together and smeared it in my hair to change it's colour so as I would not appear foreign.

Ah, the wailing of babes. Is there any wonder I am going out of my mind unable to think. Sweet and gentle Kríea, I still do not know how she views our relationship. It was never formally so or ever spoken of. She is so unwell she has hardly moved from bed. I forgot what it is like to be woken at all hours by infants. That is the only reason I touch you, you infernal book.

I stood there day after day, nay knowing what was happening in my life and after a long and hard shift of beating somebody into the dirt, there I would rest, time and time again. Just me, a pint of ale and my solitude. What more could a man such as meself ask for? None of these damn Bree folk were even worth a jot of my time. I hated it here, it would not have been the first time I'd found myself longing for the plains of home which I had a funny feeling that I would never see again given my new-found way of life.

I do hereby bequeath the sum of my wealth and possessions to my dearly beloved lass, Jenn, and my son Leofric as and where they may be found, other than the specified. What? were you expecting a proper document, sod off... the last thing you need is some filthy-blooded official snooping around with half the dodgy gear laying around all over the place...

*Even more badly and half-arsedly written than the first page* Tonight I nearly did something I'd regret forevermore, I mean Flannery's a grand lass 'n all, the very picture of my Aela, just goes to show I've still got it in me, eh... still... I love Jenn more than anything in this world, I can't get away from that fact, yet I need to get out o' this stinking sewer, as it happens I can't bring myself to up and leave, but life drags on...