“So what do you think? Be honest, sister.” Losshell shook me from my daydream with her insistence.
“Hmm…”
“I mean, it was always said that Curufin was the most like his father. In appearance, in mood, in smithing skills and language, I agree. But the guests were not sure, and neither was I.”
I whispered ‘thank you’ to Orome that at least she had been speaking of something I could answer, rather than which style of floor was best for a large, well used house with dogs.
“We never knew King Feanaro, sister. All we knew was from others, from writings and talks. It is always hard to make an opinion on those alone.”
She nodded. She pushed a plate of neatly rolled lettuce leaves, with a soft cream, honey and almond filling, in my direction.
“More wine? I can fetch something a little stronger?”
But why were we speaking of King Feanaro? Few spoke of him now, other than historians. Even among the greater Houses of the Noldor he was rarely mentioned. (Rarely thought of was perhaps another matter?)
“I was just recalling our Prince, sister. As I said, I thought he was the one most like his father.” She walked to her kitchen and brought out two new glasses for the richer, Dorwinion.
“Ah…yes.” Something we could agree on at last. “You will have no argument from me. I have long held that he was his father’s son. His manner of speech, his use of words, his ability to move others to action. None of the others could do that, not even Maitimo.”
“Exactly!” she replied. “And his tactical understanding was above the others. If you wanted an enemy swiftly brought low, it was Prince Celegorm you should turn to. Not Finrod, or Turgon, or Fingolfin.”
I smiled faintly. She noticed. “I know, sister. It is painful remembering those days. We have had long enough to adjust, to accept our new ‘status’, but I for one will never forget.”
I watched her slowly pour out the wine for us, blood red it was. Taking up the glass I raised it in a toast. “To all our Princes. Long gone, but never forgotten.”
She raised her glass in turn. “There will never be another like any of them.”
I nodded, part sorrowful, part content that time was only in the past. Well, almost only in the past for me, all the time I had my mission of protecting the Lady.
“Let us change the subject,” I prompted. “Is there any talk in the Vale of Carni..of Danel and Estarfin?”
“Only what is proper, and what can be expected. Folk will not pry, but it is common knowledge they will be betrothed.” She sipped elegantly at her own wine and took up a salad roll on her plate with her small knife. “It is expected to be a private event. Neither seem to wish for general celebrations.”
“Neither have any living close kin. They are private folk mostly. Parnard shall be there, I expect,” They would not exclude Parnard.
Losshell snorted. She almost spilt her wine on the sofa.
“Have a care there,” I said.
“Parnard’s drunken blessings are all they need,”
I smiled at her. She didn’t understand. “Life has not been easy for any of them. I for one celebrate their happiness.”
She ran a hand over her mousy brown hair, in a similar manner to how I checked my hair when in an updo. “Life has not always been easy for any of us, I think.”
Such was truth. I knew she had lost love long ago. There were many, nissi and neri who had been sundered over the Ages.
“So, you have hope to be freed from your duty. You believe if Carnifinde weds it frees you from your oath to Prince Celegorm?”
I relaxed back into the overstuffed chair, and thought about her question.
“Perhaps.”
Losshell shook her head. ”From what you said to me before, there were no time limitations to your care.”
“Indeed there are not. Neither shall I shirk my duty. But since the fall of Eregion and the death of Raumoliro, I have been alone. I think, soon, I shall speak with them both, and listen to what they say. This is a ‘secret’ I have carried for too long.”
We fell into silence. Both lost, I think, in our own memories of the distant past. I placed my half-drunk wine on the side table, as the late afternoon sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating our corner of the room. The light fell upon the great bow and two long knives mounted on the longer wall of the room. I wondered if Losshell ever used them, if she ever practiced or hunted since the founding of Imladris? My suspicions were that it had been infrequent. We had both changed much over the Ages, since the Battle of the Last Alliance, since the fall of Beleriand, since the Kinslayings….since the death of our sister, Norime. Perhaps I had changed the most?
~ ~ ~
We three walked down the long hall to the table set before the dais. Seven tall carved chairs were placed around it, each showing scenes in its wood for some conflict and a victory. Several servants were hastily bustling about, setting out fresh paper and pens, and two large flagons of wine, with ornate drinking glasses that seemed to bear likenesses to Himring. A few bowls of fruit were set out, and more wood added to the fire in the nearby grate. All done, they hurried silently away, shutting the door firmly behind them.
“Be seated,” said Caranthir, swirling back his own red cloak to sit himself on the chair at the head of the table. Celegorm took up a flagon of wine and moved to sit opposite. Feeling totally out of my depth, I sat on a side chair and was silent.
Caranthir took up his own wine, raising it in a toast. “To all seven of us, brother mine. Though we are hard pressed, may we see victories and find prosperity. May we reclaim what is ours.”
“May we take back the Silmarils of our Sire,” Celegorm replied. They both drank. I watched and waited.
“Now to business,” Caranthir leaned forward, ready to talk. “My home is yours to use as you please, you know that. But somehow I think your presence is not just about us riding to the Hunt. What is this matter regarding Carnifinde?”
Pushing back in his chair, Celegorm steeped his fingers before him, and began.
“You fare-welled our mother when we departed Tirion, did you not?”
Caranthir assumed a mirror posture, and nodded. “I went to her at Grandfather’s Hall, with Ambarussa. It is not a pleasant memory. I would that she had come with us.”
Celegorm nodded slowly. “As did Maitimo and Makalaure. Curufinwe and I did not.”
“There is a surprise.” The dark haired ner stared at his brother, not quite in disapproval, but in something close. “And what now? You regret it? You have never regretted it.”
Something dark shone in the fair haired ner’s eyes. “We were angry. Curufinwe and I were angry that she refused, that she listened to Aule rather than Father. That she harkened to the words of a Vala rather than her own sons.”
“I know. But she was...is still our mother.” Caranthir had grown more used to negotiating than Celegorm over the years. He sipped at his wine and maintained his gaze. “And as father said, she was cozened by Aule.”
“I…I have been dreaming of her of late.” Celegorm leaned forward, elbows on the table. “ I see her standing on the cliffs near Alqualonde, looking East, looking for us.”
“And? Do you not think she does that in reality?”
Curufin glared back. “You seek to mock me, brother?”
Caranthir seemed a little more at ease. He of the outspoken hot temper could control himself when he wished. “No!” he said, placing his flagon on the table. “No, brother, or …I mock us all? I wish with all my heart things had turned out differently. But what is, is. We cannot alter it. Nor does it serve us to grieve over something that cannot be.”
I came to speak with you of a dream that touched me with regret, that in itself a rarity. But also this. It seemed to me Amile was warning me to take care of the family. We brothers, obviously, and I do my best. But…she showed me Carnifinde.”
Caranthir began to tap a little on the table. “She was protected by me, in Thargellion. Here, my arm has not grown so long that I can keep all my folk safe against the hordes.”
“Then give her custody to me.” My folk shall see to her safety.
“Brother, none of us can protect any with certainty these days,” Caranthir almost laughed at the notion. “And though she is dear to us, she is but a second cousin, not Amile herself.”
It was Celegorm’s turn to smile. “You will keep her with you, as a reminder, as a daughter you do not yet have. You have had the great-granddaughter of our grandsire in your care since birth. You will not allow the rest of us near her.”
“And what if I do?”
“To the point brother. In my dream, Amilie told me Carnifinde will face certain …dangers in days to come. There are some who do not wish her well, do not want her to grow to her full strength,” Celegorm waved a hand dismissively “Nothing mysterious, just that she may be purposed to some destiny that some will try and deny. I want her in the safest care, with you, with I, with Maitimo. I want the reminder of she who is our mother safe. To that end I have brought Filignil with me.”
I started at the mention of my name. He had not told me before. I was to be a guard of one of his more distant family?
“And how is Filignil, “ Caranthir nodded to me, “to succeed better than I?”
Now his card was on the table, Celegorm was in full flow. “None of us can truly keep her safe with so many matters to deal with. She has assigned guards, I take it?” Caranthir nodded. “Well she knows them, and if she wishes she will avoid them or go beyond their care.”
There was a laugh from the dark Prince. “She has done that several times.”
“But if she had a couple of guards she did not know of, who watched from a distance, whose sole mission was to keep her safe, one sent from each of us perhaps?”
And Caranthir understood. I understood. He ran a hand over his face.
“ I summarise, for this is unlike you Turko. Your recent dreams make you think more of mother, that you did not speak with her before we left Valinor haunts you, you think you can make amends by protecting Carnifinde, because she is so like her?”
“Something like that. I would have her guarded for Amile's sake, but also because I see she has a..destiny? Something with gem making, perhaps? Filignil may be young, but she is one of the best of my Hunters. She can track almost anything, anywhere. She is swift on her feet and with the bow she is deadly. She is not so noticeable of appearance she would stand out, and could remain in the background…nearby..until we have some truly safe stronghold again. I would look to you and the others to also assign a guard.”
I had watched and listened to them both. It seemed a form of madness to me, but then I had all my family near me. It was obvious, however, they had a strange sort of devotion to the young nis. Reminder of their mother, the sister they never had, the daughter they doubted any of them would have…they focused those thoughts on her? And I felt sorry for her.
“You want to leave Filignil here as a personal guard? Why did you not say that straight away?”
“I wanted you to understand.” Celegorm snapped his fingers and beckoned me to step forward. He addressed me.
“You know I have the greatest confidence in you, daughter of Hendomaico. To me, this appointment is as great an honour as any promotion, for you will perform a great service to my kin, though none shall openly know of it.”
I bowed to my Prince. I understood what he was asking of me.
“If my brothers also provide guards, there will be times when you can each return home for a space. But there should always be at least two of you near her.”
Caranthir looked me up and down. He seemed favourable. “I shall have to think, brother. You cannot just drop such an idea on me and expect me to have someone ready.”
“None of your folk come to mind?”
He laughed, a deep hearty laugh. “Oh yes, someone always comes to mind concerning our cousin. But I have exiled him.”
Then bring him back.”
“I will not. My word is my word, even if it was given in anger. I needs must find another. Raumoliro perhaps? ”
Caranthir drew a deep breath and turned to me. ‘Filignil, of my brother’s people, I accept you into my household on your pledge of loyalty. Do you so pledge?”
I knelt before him and gave my word.
“Then depart, and tell my steward you have my leave and my blessing to make a life among us. You shall be given accommodation and food and clothing. Choose yourself an inconspicuous trade that pleases you.” He waved me away, though not in an unkindly manner.
And I left the Hall and the discussion knowing not a soul in that place, but right willing to honour my Prince. Right willing to help their ‘princess’ too was I.
~ ~ ~
Losshell and I got along a little better in the last few days of my stay with her. We spoke more of our family, and lost loved ones. We spoke of the old glories that were no more. And we spoke of what Celegorm may have meant regarding Danel’s destiny. In the past age I had oft wondered if he had in some manner confused her with Tyelpinquar? He certainly had a destiny with gems and rings.
“I suspect it was more to do with Nerdanel than Carnifinde herself,” Losshell had suggested. “They all loved their mother, though few spoke openly of it. To dream of her would not be unusual. And then to see her small likeness in Caranthir’s Halls. No wonder even Celegorm was affected, unlike his usual manner though it be.”
She hugged me when, after a week, I departed, to follow after Danel, Estarfin and Parnard. I think she was sad to see me go.
“So it seems Prince Caranthir’s first choice has ended up guarding her,” my sister said to me wryly.
“Indeed. That is why I think, upon our return to Numenstaya, I should speak with them both, and lay down my..”
“Burden?”
“Nay, Losshell, it has never been a burden to serve our Prince.
