(To be read after The Music Lesson - Part 2 | The Laurelin Archives by Parnard)
There I stood on the stairs from the study reassuring Parnard I would not leave, in his own language. It seemed appropriate. Rarely did Estarfin and I speak Quenya before our Wood Elf friend out of politeness, now the distress Parnard exhibited warranted such familiarity between he and I, I deemed, that I spoke Silvan.
I saw his eyes widen with surprise. May it be easier to speak with him in his own language for a short time.
I had descended from my room when I heard the main door open and close, and their voices raised in merry banter. They were laughing. Estarfin sounded euphoric, that I knew something had happened to his liking. Parnard was the first to turn, and give me greeting. I turned away from the bloodied gauntlets floating alongside the fish in the meditation pool, and tried to give little reaction to the blood smeared on Estarfin’s cheek. They had ridden back from some ‘victory’ without even properly refreshing themselves.
“You slew her then?” I tried not to let the waves of guilt that were crashing upon me find their way into my voice.
“No. We could not find her. It was a remaining brigand, I think.” Estarfin raised his glass to me, before sipping at the blood-red wine.
I was a little relieved. Only a brigand then. And I had slaughtered enough of those of late. Why did I not feel the extent of relief that I should have?
“Then your honour is satisfied,” I spoke, hoping that he did not decide to take up the pursuit of Hildfrith again the following day.
They were both laughing.
I thought, nay, I need be away for a few days more. I need give him room to be himself. So I returned to the stairs, to my room, and the travel bag I had already prepared. I took up a long green cloak to throw over my dress, and pulled on soft brown leather riding boots. Thankful was I that the woman had escaped, but Estarfin’s mood was yet far from calm. ‘Let him be. He will recover.’ I thought.
As I entered the study again I could see Estarfin was nigh asleep, his half drunk glass of wine on the table. Parnard seemed to be expounding his understanding of the hearts of elf-maidens, which I confess made me want to sigh. Just how well did Parnard understand such a thing? Then he saw me, and said “ You are ready for a journey, by the look of it, Lady Danel?”
“Such is my intent. But these halls are your home, you both may stay here as long as you wish.”
“But where are you going?” Parnard looked confused.
“To the coast. I will likely remain there for a while.”
“Why?” To me it seemed my friend’s voice shook, as he looked to Estarfin for support. Estarfin was nigh asleep, his head to one side on the cushioned backrest, long legs stretched out before him.
Before I could say or do any more, Parnard had leapt out his chair and was steering me by the elbow to the adjacent room.
“Do not go,” he whispered to me emphatically. “He was in one of his dark moods, but he is coming out of it now. If he wakes to find you are gone, it will crush him. Why did you do it. Why bring that woman for my sake?”
And that is when the Silvan came in useful.
“Her horse was lame. She was lost in the forest, like some frightened doe hoping to see her herd appear out the mists. She tried talking of music, and through no influence of yours, I wondered if she may help you a little while her horse was attended to.”
Parnard looked surprised. Maybe he was wondering why now, of all times, I spoke so? I wanted not for Estarfin to awake to the conversation we were having, but also I wanted to reassure Parnard.
“We did nor ride far, Danel,” he seemingly spoke more at ease. “Estarfin’s wrath faded as soon as he slew the brigand. And brigand it was. A man, not a woman. But if you leave, if he wakes and you have gone, what will he do next?” The Wood Elf dropped to one knee. “Do not leave us, I beg of you.”
I was taken aback. I was concerned for Parnard at that moment, and would reassure him. “Stand, I bid you Parnard. You have done naught to warrant this. He will not be angered by you, as I am not. You do your utmost to care for both of us. I only seek to give him more room to think, not to hide away. It is hard to reach him when he seems to trust me so little.”
“You must try to earn his trust again,” said Parnard, as if he were an authority on the subject. “It is easily shattered it seems, like one of your vases.”
I could not help but smile. More precious to me than any vase or ornament were they. There was time for giving space, and time to draw close and reassuring them of their importance.
“And what of our promise to each other, to help him? Are you going to leave him here with me!” Parnard spoke aloud, though still in Silvan.
There was sudden movement in the other room, and we both cautiously looked round the door. Estarfin had woken. He moved to stretch his legs out on the table, and promptly fell asleep again.
I looked at him there, exhausted from his rage and his hunting, and I could no more leave him than I could stop drawing breath.
“I will try to speak with him, though this be not the best of times or places.”
“Do not mention the woman,” Parnard whispered.
I walked into the room, smoothing down my skirts with my hands as I made to kneel at Estarfin’s side. I lay a hand lightly on his shoulder. “Estarfin…lord?”
“Hmm?” He woke up with a yawn, stretched his arms a little. And he looked to me. “Has morning arrived already?”
“The stars have already gone I am afraid. It is still early though. And I would ask your help as I cannot sleep at all.”
He managed to focus on me, and nodded.
“My heart is too heavy that I have failed you yet again. I can only ask you to forgive me, and that we speak more later in the day.”
“No. It was a misunderstanding.” he replied. “You would never knowingly wrong me. The fault is mine.”
I shook my head at him as I rose to my feet, walked over to dip the edge of my sleeve in the water bowl on the nearby chest, and return to gently wipe the dried blood from his face.
“I know you do but seek to protect us all…”
He took my hand for a moment. “I would not knowingly dictate to you who you can and cannot invite to these halls, you know that? Yet some things are beyond my control, even now.”
I nodded, briefly kissing his hair.
“But I too must sleep. We can speak later.”
“As you wish.”
Carefully I moved away, as he leaned back into the chair, closing his eyes again.
Back in the library, Parnard was seated at the table, looking at maps.
“He has spoken with me. Now he is sleeping again.” I informed my friend, though back in Sindarin again.
Parnard nodded. “Shall I watch over him?”
“Nay, I shall do that. My tiredness has already abated somewhat. You should rest. You have already been a great help.”
Without further words I crossed to Parnard and put my arms briefly about his shoulders in an embrace. “Thank you, Parnard,” I said.
“All I did was chase after him,” Parnard replied, with a little laugh. He rose to his feet and departed.
And I returned to the study, to sit by the window and watch the growing light of dawn, and Estarfin as he slept. I was tired, but there was a measure of peace again, and more than a little hope.
