To my Mell Bereth, Seregrian,
It has been several days since I came to the last entry of Your “Mortals: A Case Study”. You title this very simply “Conclusions”, and its content would ring as a death nell in my heart. In these intervening days I have tried very hard to steel myself against the well-deserved indifference reflected there, accompanied by the undeniable conclusion You then drew from my inexcusable act:
The only positive thing I have gained from these last three months is that I have positively proven, for time and eternity, the true nature of Mortals. Treachery, duplicity, deception, selfishness, corruption of both their bodies and their hearts - these and all other concepts the Firimar cannot deny.
I had simply disappeared without a trace or explanation, living up to the harsher truth for a term You had affectionately awarded me, “Mortal Fool”, and for this You proclaimed:
Let my Lair be purged of any reminder of this Mortal and his dwelling here, any evidence of his very existence at all.
Let this record stand as testimony to the inferiority of the baseborn children of Men and the pestilence that follows hard in their wake. I shall not keep this record in my own book-hoard; it shall be deposited in the Scholar's Enclave at Duillond, there to gather dust and mould, and itself to crumble into dust like the Mortals of which it speaks.
As I stand outside beneath the vault of Elbereth, I curse Vairë and her weaving this Mortal's thread with mine. I gaze upon my manor and a new thought comes to mind.
I have forced myself to re-read this last case study entry many times in these last several days, to never forget what only a fool would miss between Your written lines. I had broken Your heart, tempted You to believe that You proceeded from the falsehood that You could not “feel, express, and luxuriate in the emotion of love - and expect the same in return.”
Knowing me as well as You do, like no other, You seemed to know that I was near the end of my study of Your work, Your wedding gift to me. You have been gentle and patient, the loving wife a mortal desperately needs when teetering at the edge of a deep chasm of guilt, one he dug for himself. I have needed these days under your wing to prepare this very letter to You, melon nin, and I thank you for your respect as I grow up to compose it.
Although others were involved in leading me astray, it is still I who made the decision to simply vanish with no explanation, to deceive You into believing me dead, and thus shatter Your heart mercilessly, all the while allowing mortal desperation to fool me into thinking I was being merciful. It would be pointless to recount what happened, for those facts we have already shared. What is crucial is to record why, and I can think of no better place than here.
You wrote this study to examine Mortals and, bowing to that, I will write here the lessons that it, and your loving grace, have taught me.
Do not deceive your Loved One, even by omission.
Do not assume that your Loved One is helpless before what you fear.
Do not think to shield your Loved One behind acts that treat Her as a possession.
Do not disregard the strength your Loved One brings forth in you.
Do not hurl yourself against adversity without your Loved One’s consent.
Do not forget that when you sacrifice yourself for your Loved One, you risk sacrificing Her as well.
Do not underestimate the hurt you cause your Loved One by disregarding these lessons.
I am still humbly amazed that you would rise the House to rescue me from a death I would not have had to risk had I been a wiser man and confided in you the dilemma facing me. In you, I could not have envisioned a more powerful ally, and I daresay the outcome would have been more successful and less costly in the pain and suffering I caused us both and others we both hold dear. That you could forgive me and, more, accept me as your husband shows a grace beyond a mortal’s deserving, and proves to me the depth of your love for me.
I am a blessed Mortal Fool.
