Dream Journal Entry 3

((OOC: The writing style looks rushed. It is written in ink on a loose piece of parchment.))

Dear Me,
I had new sleeping arrangements last night. I slept in the same room as Papa and Father. It was a bit strange at first, but I eventually found it comforting as I listened to the breathing of my parents. Cat slept on the floor next to me as well, so I had everyone I loved most all in the same room. I fell asleep very quickly! I started the night with pleasant dreams...until I had a new nightmare. I believe this new nightmare stemmed from Father's kindness. He gave me a seax knife for my birthday. He told me it was a tradition in his family to give the child a seax for the thirteenth birthday. Since I turned fourteen, he decided to give me one, even though it is a year late. The knife is gorgeous! It has a shining bronze hilt and a bone-carved handle; the blade is just as beautiful. Leave it to my mind to turn such an amazing memory into a nightmare.

The dream started pleasantly, Father giving me the knife and saying it was now mine. I was overjoyed at the gift and held the seax in my hands carefully. As I was holding it and looking it over, the blade got very hot; before I knew it the knife was burning into my skin, leaving the flesh there charred when I lifted the blade from my hand. When I looked up, Father was gone, and in his place were my blood parents, laughing. "You really think an orphan such as yourself is deserving of such gifts meant to those of blood relation!" My Mama was the one speaking. I remember her words so clearly. They stung so much, and I wanted to tell her that Father had said blood relation did not matter, but I couldn't speak. My parents started saying wretched things to me and scolding me for all the bad things I had done that Dem and Eg had never scolded me for. When I began to cry, Mama looked at me with such anger and disappointment; I thought I would shrivel into a small ball forever. She began to yell at me saying, "Why do you cry? You are the one to leave us and replace us with a new family! What next? Are you to pretend we never were in your life to start? I gave you life!" Her words pierced my heart, and I began to cry harder. I knew they were wrong, but I couldn't say otherwise. Papa had not said much, but once Mama finished hurting me with words...he took the seax and began to brand me with it. I felt as if I could feel the actual burning in my body. I screamed and cried out, but no one was there to save me. Finally, when I thought I would die from all the torture, I woke up.

When I woke, I realized I had been grabbing the skin on my upper left arm with my fingernails on my right hand. I had blood on my hands from piercing the skin. I woke and was about to scream but stopped myself just before the sound escaped my lips. I cried silently and wiped the blood onto my pants. I had managed, yet again, to not wake my parents, or if I had they did not make it known. I listened to their soothing breaths, and it finally lulled me back to a dreamless sleep. I write now and worry about the piercings in my skin that were caused by my hand...what is becoming of me? I wish these nightmares would stop. I just want to be better. I don't enjoy people fussing over me in this way.

Well, Mister Eogar needs my help with something, so I best be on my way. I wonder what Father will have to say about this one? I hope I wasn't too much of a bother last night...