The Vexing Case of the Vagrant Vigilante
(Being the official account of Deputy-Shirriff Lancogard North-took, on assignment)
THE SHIRRIFF-HOUSE, STOCK, Eastfarthing in the Shire, on this the 13th day of Wedmath:
The previous evening, as I was relaxing at the Golden Perch and off-duty enjoying a late dinner, I was approached by Mat Harfoot, a local gentle-hobbit who wanted to discuss a matter regarding the Shirriff’s Office, and in particular the Bounders and the Watch. Mat outlined the events of recent weeks, referring to the increasing number of Outsiders within the bounds, the wolves sighted up in Bridgefields, and other incidents prior to my arrival.
“The Bounders haven't been able to keep the peace as well as they used to - no offence intended to you, Lance,” he said, “so in light of the recent goings-on we've organized our own little group. We call it, well, the Vigilance Committee.”
Well, this got my hackles up, and I had no pause in telling him so. “As Acting Shirriff,” I said, “you know full well that I can’t allow citizens to take matters into their own hands like this, it’s not proper by any stretch of the Rules.”
“And what do the Rules say about what the Bounders are meant to do?” Mat replied. “I mean, what with Shirriff Grubb more concerned with the ale at the Perch, and Shirriff Boffin away on holiday, we have no one hereabouts! Well, that is until you showed up, Lance, and started taking things to hand. Mind you, the Committee was in place before you got here, and we’ve done our best to keep an eye on things; but you’ve come and shaken things up and started setting things to right. So the Committee asked me to speak with you about, well, a sensitive matter.”
“And what ‘sensitive matter’ might this be?” I asked.
Mat seemed very embarrassed, so I let him explain in his own time. “Well, it seems that one of our members has gone missing. Young Violet Underhill was going to look into some reports of strangers in the south of the Marish, but she hasn't come back, and I'm getting worried. On behalf of the Committee, we hoped that you can go down there and look for her…”
Well, that started the investigation. Smart the next morning, I set out south for the Marish with the intent of paying a call to old Farmer Maggot, the chief person in the district, hoping that his ears might pick up more than a committee of frustrated hobbits. And sure enough, he had seen Violet Underhill just recently, headed west up the Stock-Tuckborough Pike in search of a band of Outsiders – ruffians, by Maggot’s description – and may have gotten herself into trouble.
“Probably went off to see those ruffians on her own,” Maggot stated. “I never thought to warn her properly what might happen, I just figured she'd have the hobbit-sense to head back to Stock with the news so Mat Harfoot, and maybe the Bounders could do something about them.”
Based on Maggot’s information, I headed up the pike just past the waterfall where the Shireborn falls from the Green Hills, and there at the ford I found my first traces of a worn track, headed into the heights toward Narrowcleave. Not knowing what was ahead, but ready for the worse, I had my bow strung and an arrow knocked as I headed up the steep slope. Sure enough, as I crested the rise I found a stockade had blocked most of the entrance to Narrowcleave, shabbily made with no skill to speak of. Standing in the shade of the loose gate were two Big Folk, ruffianly pair if ever was. This was my first clue that there was going to be trouble, if these two were any sign of what was beyond that fence.
As I hid in the low brush nearby, looking for a chance to move, I heard them talking, and could hear at least four more voices inside – and they mentioned “their guest”, and what they might do with “Her Royal Nosiness”. They had to be talking about Violet – and they hadn’t harmed her, yet. But what to do? I thought fast and worried, being just me against six ruffians, and how was I to affect a rescue? I thought for a moment about running back to Stock and raising this ‘Committee’, deputizing them to help flush them out and find Violet.
As it turned out, I needn’t have worried – a voice from within the camp called out, and the two gate-guards went back inside, and left the gate open! I whipped under the bar and into what looked like a camp of sorts, a path winding downhill south through the pass, and a wagon with a door on it, bolted with a log – and inside, I heard soft weeping: Violet, it had to be!
I crept with more-than-careful hobbit steps to the side of the wagon and whispered, “Violet, Violet Underhill, can you hear me?” I heard someone move inside, and a whispered answer, “Yes! Help me, whoever you are, they want to do terrible things, get me out!”
It was a fast matter of removing the log and opening the wagon door; Violet was unharmed but scared badly and showed it in her pretty face. I hushed her and begged her to be silent, while we carefully retraced my steps. Luckily on my way in, I noticed a gap in the wall just hobbit-sized enough to slip through, and as soon as we were clear, we bounded like hounds down the slope towards the ford. Behind us, I heard a hue and cry, and I knew the hunt was up!
“Violet, listen to me!” I cried as I hefted my bow. “Run, the road’s just there! Head for Bamfurlong, old Maggot knows I came this way, he’ll keep you safe until I catch up. Go on!!” Violet dashed away as fast as her feet could carry her, and I turned to face four ruffians coming pell-mell down the slope. I let fly with arrows as fast as I could knock and shoot – that fooled the ruffians into thinking I wasn’t alone, and they turned and ran back. One ruffian shouted and fell, and didn’t get back up again, an arrow in the back of his neck. It was now my turn, and I turned and ran as fast as I could across the falls and down the pike to Bamfurlong. I found old Maggot and his famous dogs at the edge of the lane, two of his lads behind him, all brandishing farm tools as weapons. Violet came flying up to me, taking my hand and thanking me profusely.
Well, there it is, we solved the Vexing Case of the Vagrant Vigilante. I returned with Violet to Stock and called for Mat Harfoot and his Committee members to meet me at the Shirriff-house without delay, to be appraised of the situation and come up with a plan. Violet agreed to fetch Mat, but also tendered her resignation from the Committee the same day, so I hear.
Respectfully Submitted by
LANCOGARD NORTH-TOOK
