In a little more'n a week I'll be starting a whole new thing in my life and I'm fair nervous about it. I don't want to make a fuss about it for Lumina as she's carryin' enough. Been a while since she got near so sick as she had been, but even so, it could get troublesome for her any moment and I don't want to add to that. So I try to be what Rosewood calls 'stolid' for her and keep it to myself that I'm feelin' topsy-turvy about havin' so much to change at once.
Lumina's troubles is a big part of the reason for the change, in fact. I had a long talk with Master Rosewood about the idea of me takin' a while away from my journeyman duties, so's I could stay home to look after Lumina while she's havin' such a hard pregnancy. He weren't at all keen on the idea at first. In fact I think it's fair to say he still ain't. It's just somethin' as ain't done. I argued that, what if he'd took on a woman journeyman; you can be sure she'd be leavin' the job for a while if she got with baby. That didn't really convince him, though he didn't got a good solid answer to't. He said somethin' 'bout how a woman in the trade what got a baby comin' prob'ly would just end her journeyman time for a while, maybe even a few years, since she couldn't keep a baby at the stable anyhow, and he suggested I could do just that. End my time as a journeyman, then in a few months I could ask him if he wanted to hire me back on, though he couldn't promise as he wouldn't got another one by then. And in the end that's pretty much what's goin' for to happen. I think it might not look so good for me when it come time to petition the guild for to let me become a master, but I don't see no other way. Even if we could find a midwife to help care for Lumina until Maddoct comes back, which we can't, she'd still want me to stay home to take care of her.
That's another thing I worry on -- what if Maddoct don't make it back in time? I don't know when they're to leave. The baby's due to come in October, I think, and that might be cuttin' it very close, unless they're already headin' back. Maybe I should ask Lumina to leave a letter in Rivendell for 'im sayin' when she's expectin' it to happen, so if'n they're runnin' too late, he at least got the chance to try to hurry hisself along.
But anyway, I try to make myself think as it's all goin' for to work out fine on account of how this happens to line up so well with the trainin' I'm startin' about the same time. If it works, I prob'ly won't have for to go back to the west gate stable at all, as I'll just be learnin' on the healing of horses all the way until I petition for to found a horse-clinic stable and to be a master some time next year. I met with Missus Nettle on Saturday past and brung her some pie as a gift, what Lumina made. Our talk went well. She were impressed by what she called my 'work ethic' which made me think how my family, if they's watchin' over me as spirits or somethin', must be laughin' to hear, about me of all people. I brung the book and she looked it over and thought it were a good one, wished she'd had it, and I dare say in a few minutes of her leafin' through it she read more'n I've managed in the last month. My reading difficulties were worrisome to 'er, but I promised that at the worst, Lumina would read it to me. She said she wished I'd brung her so's she could met her, but Lumina don't feel up most times to goin' anywhere.
So what we settled on is that I'll do a certain amount of readin' in the book every week, and bein' sure as I do as much as I say I do is a sort of test, and then I go into town to meet with her for a few hours twice a week, and she's also goin' to make arrangements that when there's a horse needs care at any the stables around, they'll get word to her and I'll meet her so we can do the practice. At first her showin' me and later me doin' it while she watches. There's no pay in this, of course, actually I'll be payin' her a little for the teachin', but I think I got enough coin set aside to get through it, and I'm sure as Lumina does. It'll be good to have some reason to get out and into town a little bit each week. Not like I'll be lonely at home with Lumina, but I would miss the bustle of Bree, and the chance to see them few of the folk I know what aren't away. Got to talk with Gregwald a bit last night, and that were nice, even if he's still as mysterysome as ever about what's goin' on with him of late.
It all feels like a big leap into somethin' new and unknown, but I keep tellin' myself I been makin' bigger leaps'n this'n the last few years, movin' to Bree and then Hookworth and then Napgrove, becomin' an apprentice, and a lot more, and this ain't near so big. And the worst it could come to is that I don't go on to be a master. We don't need for me to, for havin' coin, and even if this all goes wrong I could still get work in the stables as what I do now, if we wanted. Heck, we don't even really need me to work, I think. I don't really tally, I leave all that to Lumina on account she's smart, but I think we're fair well set even if I didn't get any more work. Not that that's a thing as like to happen, but it's good to think, when I'm worryin', what's the worst could happen? And could I be all right anyway if'n it did? It helps quiet the worry a bit.
My havin' promise all the readin' is also part of my worry. Them books for littles what Cesistya suggested, and found a few of, I don't feel like I get through them any faster'n I would any other book, other'n them bein' so short, and I don't feel like it's helpin' me get better, like she was so sure it would. The runes just never go to becomin' words other'n I build the words one rune at a time every time. For a long time I had no hope as it'd ever be for me like it were for other folk, but then with Cesistya and Lumina talkin' on ideas, I started to get some hope, but so far all they got me doin' is readin' different books and they're not really doin' anything different for me, so I'm comin' back to losin' hope I'll ever be able to read like other folk. Maybe there ain't anythin' as anyone could ever do to help me get better. Maybe I'm just daft in this, and that's that.
Afore the month turns, I got for to go back into town to start lookin' for someone sells beds. The stairs is gettin' harder and harder for Lumina, and while I don't mind carryin' her up and down, we're thinkin' temporary settin' up a bed downstairs for a few months is worth the trouble. I got for to talk to the mason what's goin' to be comin' out the house to set up a platform for a tub (to hold it over a fire), and I can ask him if'n he knows a carpenter makes beds. I also got to look for that Eorling lass I met, the painter, to see if'n she can make some paintings for the nursery.
Oh, also, I got to remember to tell the mason not to touch the stones over by the corner of the house. I don't think my family would much want their memorial to become the thing what holds a tub up.
