So I did try to put behind me how Beoda broke it off, and set my eyes on the future, and go out amongst folk again. But it turns out it don't change a thing about how my life's the same lonely affair, day after day. I still rise afore the sun, but now, when I have breakfast it's on account I'm hungry. I still go up to the stables to work, but now, though I don't try to avoid folk, I still don't see anyone. Most folk are busy with other things or other people, or they avoid me, or they're not awake same times as someone like me what got to wake up first thing. Now that Adriellyn done moved back to her rented rooms in Bindrow, most days I don't see a soul. I still come home at dark, but instead of trying to not think or feel, I pass the lonely hours whittling, or trying to read, or fixing up the house.
I did try to go into town a few times, but it weren't no better. Bree is awful quiet this time of year. There's few folk about, except maybe after I'm gone. Them as I done tried to talk to, like Miss Sareva when I dropped off clothes for mending, or a farm-girl named Miss Jhorra, only get impatient with me, or irritated by me. Other folk avoid me outright. Why not? I don't got nothing to offer them, leastwise nothing no one wants, just all the troubles of dealing with someone as thick-skulled and troubled as me. Even the few what might find me not terrible company still go to choosing other company near all the time. Thing is, going to town makes me feel the loneliness more'n staying home does, on account there's folk around, but they're avoiding me. Being the one fellow no one picks at the dance hurts a lot more'n not going to the dance.
So my life goes round on the same lonely day every day. Sometimes I wonder if I chose wrong. At least back in the Mark I'd have family, and the most unwanted I ever felt there weren't near so unwanted as being alone here is like. But it don't matter. The choice is made. This is my life now, and I got to see it out.
