(After 'Return to Imladris' By Estarfin )
Now Estafin had been away for a short time, he was ‘searching for answers’, he had left message for Parnard and I. I had taken it these answers were not something he believed we could help with, or he would have asked. I was curious, of course, but trusted him. He knew what he was about, and did not need our company. It was fine.
So I busied myself about the house and hall, and ate mostly with Parnard of an evening. Filignil watched over me somewhat, encouraging me when I spoke of taking my crafting more to heart, and when I showed her some of the designs for jewellry I had in mind. I rode out a little, though Pelorian became strange of mood, more restless than I had known her. That concerned me, less she was sickening, or sensing something ill that was beyond my ken.
Then came an evening, with the stars newly blessing the sky, and I sitting on the slope from the Hall, drawing sketches of wave-like bracelets and arm-bands I was thinking of making. I raised my head as I heard a rider arriving. I looked over to the stables.
“Estarfin!”
I smiled warmly, most glad to see him. He looked around from speaking with Barahirn, and nodded to me.
But something was wrong. The horse he had been riding was not the mighty war horse, Gilastor.
“What has happened?” I spoke with concern as I put aside my sketch work, and rose to go to him. “Has Gilastor fallen lame?”
I instinctively reached up to pat the neck of the new mare. She looked young. She looked fast.
“No, he had a sickness of some kind.” Estarfin also stroked his new mount, “You did well. Thank you for carrying me so far and at such pace. Rest well.” he addressed her in Quenya.
But I had heard the past tense used for Gilastor. I suddenly felt chill.
Estarfin looked to me. There was sorrow in his eyes.
“He…he has died?” I asked, not believing it were possible.
Estarfin nodded.
“Pelorian has been restless these past several days. I could tell something was not right.”
“They can tell when something is amiss.” Estarfin spoke in a hushed tone.
Barahirn came to take the mare’s head. He looked at her with admiration.
“I am sorry to hear about Gilastor, Lord." The stable master choked back a tear. "He was a great and noble horse. But I shall care for this one to my best.”
Estarfin gave a silent nod. I addressed Barahirn. “My thanks to you. I know you will care for..?”
“Norlome,” said Estarfin. “Dusk racer. She is fast of foot.”
I repeated the name, then turned to the mare. “You are welcome here, Norlome. May you always find good bedding and plenty to eat. Barahirn will take good care of you, as shall we all.”
I stepped back, thinking on how Estarfin might feel. Losing a horse was never easy. I believed Gilastor had been most special to him.
“I will have some wine brought to you, and you should rest perhaps? You look exhausted.”
He nodded. “Is there somewhere to rest outside? It is a fine night."
“As you wish. I was watching the stars anyway. I am just glad you have returned.”
He smiled at me and followed to the far side of the Halls, where I had just had a statue of Tintalle placed.
“Will this do?”
“Indeed,” he looked at the statue with approval, and bowed his head.
I hurried back in the halls, and Filignil’s kitchen, to take up a large tray with two glasses and a large bottle of Dorwinion red. I added several of the savoury scones she had just baked, and returned to the sward. Placing the tray by Estarfin I turned and bowed my head to the statue. Then I sat close to him. I thought I could sense his sadness.
“I am sorry to hear about Gilastor,” I said. “They live such short lives, even without an illness.”
“When you speak with Barahirn again, pass on my apologies for not asking him for his advice. I am sure he knows his craft. But I do not know him. Not yet.”
I nodded as I poured out the rich wine in both goblets. Then I passed one to Estarfin.
“Of course. He loves all the horses. He will also be saddened, and perhaps blame himself for not noticing something wrong.”
Estarfin took the glass with a nod. “It is strange. They are such brief creatures, yet it is also hard.” He shook his head. “Yet there is no blame in such things.”
I watched him, seeing the loss and the hurt on his face. I wished I could take away some of the pain, though I too felt great loss. There were tears in my eyes that I struggled to contain.
“I have loved every horse I ever had, and that has been quite a few over the yeni,” I ventured to broaden our converse.”I have even wished we had the art to prolong their life past its natural course.”
Estarfin looked up. “Such a thing would be unseemly I think.”
“Yes, indeed. I could not help but think it though.” I raised my glass. “To Gilastor, a very good friend. And to you being home again.”
Estarfin nodded, then raised his glass in turn and drank some wine. He looked again to the stars. “You have had many horses? Of your own I mean?”
I took a few sips of my wine, and nodded. “After I was thirty I had my own horse. Ranotie was her name. ‘Moon’s Path’. She was a bit of a wanderer.” I chuckled lightly at the memory. “So long ago. My father let me choose her. Silver she was, with the prettiest face.”
Estarfin nodded.
“And I cared well for her, but in due course she died. Then the following horses. Each death hurt, be it by misadventure or age. I never got used to it.” Then I questioned him. “When did you get your first horse?”
He paused a few moment, then said, “When I travelled to Barad Eithel. He was a gift from my father.” He smiled.
I smiled too. “When you were given your first command?”
He nodded. “But often I have simply used the horses of others, I have seldom had the need for my own.”
“I see. I suppose dwelling as long as I did with travelling companies after I departed Amon Ereb, gave me reason to have my own horse. We lived on horseback. Most of the time I was with the folk of Ambarussa. You know what they were like.”
Estarfin nodded, and I smiled at my memories, though some were not that bright.
“I never had my own horse in Eregion,” I said. “There was never any need.”
Then Estarfin gave me cause to ponder. “I find it hard to imagine you in one place for so long,” he said.
That was true. I did wander often. But not always. Not if I had something to remain for. Or someone. I put down my glass and drew my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. I was thinking.
“I wandered for a long time. Nowhere was safe in the First Age. But by the time Eregion was founded I was ready to settle. It is just a pity I chose not a small village in Lindon. But this Third Age I have spent time in Lindon, when I should have been in Imladris, no? I like it here. Imladris is not that far, nor the coast, but the hills and woodlands in this place suit me well.” I took up my glass again. “And you who like to remain in one place, you have travelled quite a distance with me. I appreciate that.”
Estarfin smiled slightly.
“And…” I drew a deep breath.
“Hmm?”
“I find I am content to remain in this place for quite some time.”
Estarfin nodded. “It has always been hard to replace Thargelion.”
“I think I have always been searching for Thargelion,” I admitted with a chuckle.
Estarfin nodded thoughtfully.
“This is a little like our old home. It has beauty, and pines, though no great lake or snow capped mountains.” I sighed. “Do you still think of Imladris as home?”
“I did, but even that stronghold seems diminished, compared with only a few years ago,” Estarfin sighed also. “It was quieter, less full of life. As though waiting out a storm.”
“Was?”
Estarfin nodded.”That is where I have returned from. Though not directly, of course.”
“Now I see why you are so tired,” I replied. “It is a long ride, direct or otherwise.”
But both of us looked up to see the soft hue of morning on the eastern horizon. We had lost the stars.
“A new day” I said.
