These are the adventures of Tradul, an orc with a curious outlook on life, but certainly not a very smart one in general. These scrolls are a transcribed copy of the originals, which were found in abandoned goblin camp, written on goatskin in the language of Mordor.
The day started with a breakfast of slug meat. I don't like slug meat, it's tough and sticks in my teeth. I prefer human legs. The elf ones have little meat and the hobbit ones are too small, I stay hungry. The human ones are perfect.
As I was finishing my plate, Gothal tried to steal my food. Nobody touches my food! So I hit him and broke his nose. I would have hurt him more but we were ordered to go out and kill. I like killing, so I obeyed.
The moon was out, it was red! I like red, it's the colour of blood.
Me and my group walked at a fast pace to the Isendeep mine. I don't like the mine, it's cold and there are always a lot of annoying animals. Luckily I wasn't forced to stand guard because I would have had to accompany Gothal and I still wanted to smash his face in.
While I was walking through the corridors of the mine I met another orc, Kafzagtith. He was eating a bear steak and gave me some. I liked him, I really like bear steak. He told me that we'd better go together and then the elves wouldn't surprise us with their fine hearing, he's a very clever orc.
The sun kissers have started attacking Tirith Raw, so we have been ordered to move. I wanted to go with Kafzagtith, he is my new friend and between us we will kill a thousand Dwarves and hundreds of Elves. But if we kill humans I'll keep their legs, I like to eat them.
On the way to Tirith Raw we have been attacked, lots of enemies! I lost sight of Kafzagtith and got worried, I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. He's my friend now and I want him to give me more bear steak.
I've never had a friend. And no one has ever given me bear steak before.
On the way, I saw an elf in the distance. She looked very strong and I saw her kill several orcs. She killed Gothal, I wanted to kill him! I hid behind a bush so he wouldn't see me. I could have attacked her, but I thought it was better to hide and not risk it. Elven swords hurt a lot. And they work strange magic that burns my skin. I prefer the whip of punishment for being a coward to being scorched to death.
And he hasn't seen me! HA HA HA HA HA THE ELVES DON'T HAVE SUCH GOOD EYESIGHT IN THE END.
When she's gone, I've gone to Tirith Raw. What was left of my unit was there, and there was Kafzagith! I ran to his side and we both roared with joy. We will kill many enemies!
We fought hard afterwards. Many elven and human troops were coming. And dwarves, with their shining stone magic. My eyes ached, but in the end we won!
We chased them till the sun came up. We could have reached their burrows, but the light bothered us. I don't like the day, it's too bright. So after roaring for the last time, Kafzagith and I returned to Tirith Raw, where we feasted on human legs.
Yummy.
