Xanderian slowly walked up the hillside to the mirror, an overcast twilight quickly descending over Tol Lochul. She knew this was where Addie had retreated to. As soon as she saw her distinctive yellow hair against the darkening sky, she raised her voice. “Hail, sweet sister.”
Curled up barefoot on a rocky promontory, Addiela hadn't turned around at the sound of Xanderian's quiet footsteps, perhaps she didn't hear or had been lost in her thoughts. However, at the sound of the elf's voice, she turned and looked over her shoulder. "Hello Xanderian." Addie patted at the ground next to her. "How are you doing?"
Sinking to sit on the rocks next to the woman, the elleth tried to smile. “I am...unsure. Better, perhaps. Well enough for the moment at least....but how are YOU, dear one. That is the question I have disturbed you to ask.” Xanderian glanced down at Addiela bare feet and clearly repressed the urge to pet them.
Addiela nodded slowly at Xanderian's words and then took in a deep breath. She had known Xan would seek her out sooner or later before the funeral. "I am alive and that is all I can really say on the matter. I knew that we would have to face Mans, but…I never thought that he would seek out others. I am truly sorry."
The huntress shook her head, still garbed in the pale yellow gown Cyndwin had left behind, despite the evening chill. “It is not your doing....or your fault. Mans has....ever wounded through destroying and tormenting others. He knows it is our weakness. Some time ago, to hurt myself, he aided in a bid to kidnap and torture Gwaelion. It is a common tactic on his part.”
Weakened by the memory, Xanderian unconsciously patted Addie's foot gently.
Addiela frowned. "I never was able to uncover much of the Aglarrâma or of Haw-" Addie stopped immediately once her feet were touched and out of instinct, quickly pulled them back and tucked them under her legs. "What.. what are you doing?"
Looking chagrined, Xan pulled her hand back. '"Ah...I beg forgiveness...'
Addiela’s voice was not harsh in that moment, but was just a product of the woman's quirk. "There is no need for such, Xanderian. I am sorry…." Addie reached out her hand and slowly, awkwardly, patted her on the shoulder for a brief moment then quickly changed the subject lest the elf try to do something insane, like hug her. "By the words of the shade, it seems that Mans personally knew your father?"
Xanderian sighed. “I had never even suspected such a thing, and it is always hard to interpret the dead....but I am inclined to believe, as we learned that Mans is a higher ranked servant of the enemy then we suspected, he could have had a hand in my father's….madness.”
Addiela nodded. "It is something that I have been considering and yet.. something that seems odd."
Laying back on the rocks to watch the stars light up, Xan raised an eyebrow. “Odd?”
Addiela nodded once again. "Aye, odd. But I shall not bore you with the endless thoughts of my mind, Xanderian." Addie paused for a moment to study Xan's expression and more so the emotion behind her eyes. "I am curious of your thoughts."
Xanderian laughed softly..."It seems we are each interested in the views of the other, but as it is I who have invaded your solitude, I will surrender first. My thoughts? I feel much at sea. I am not sure what or how to think...”
Addiela nodded, 'That is understandable.'
Tracing the constellations through the clouds with one outstretched hand, the elleth continued. “Speaking with Night Eye has helped...but parts of my soul are consumed by the guilt of leading you all into this menace. Yet then I look in your eyes and see the same guilt and see it as so foolish....so then is mine not foolish as well?'
Addiela smiled for a brief moment at the irony of it all, but it fades just as quickly as it had appeared. "Guilt is no respector of persons, Xanderian. It plagues those that it deems worthy of it most and yet.. others rush in to heal those afflicted, forgetting even their own worries and guilt to do so. It is oftentimes easier to try to help another than yourself for we can see the hopelessness of trying for ourselves, but dare to hope, even with it looks grim, for others." Addie shrugged. "As for your guilt, Neth and I were taken into captivity even before knowing of the connection between those that hunted us and Mans. You did not know Neth at the time and she was captured first. Logically, that blame is not yours to bear."
Xan nodded softly, turning to Addie and thinking over her words carefully before responding. “Well...one could say if not for myself, Mans would not have existed to offer gold for your bodies...however, I am not fool enough to think that if Mans were no more, then the slavers would not exist. With the noble, if a good man falls it is hard to fill his place...if evil falls, it is readily restored by the next in line, it seems.”
Addiela stared, confused, 'And why do you think that Mans exists….because of you?'
Taking a moment to gather the courage to answer, Xanderian looked away at the stars. “In the memory of Calidis....the gem that had ensnared us, Hastaina....gave me a choice. I could allow the orc Tarek to slay Calidis and all those survivors of the sacking of the city....or destroy the last of his totems, which would save those poor souls, but ensure that the shade would return...as Mans. I chose to allow things to remain as they had been, and so Mans lived to torment us...and so many others.”
Addiela shook her head slowly. "Nay, it is not so, Xanderian…" Addiela 's gaze drifted upwards now as well. "If we are to believe that what we experienced in the realm of memories was real, and I do question it often, the choice was still given after Kheledul. Mans existed there, before your choice, and was ensnared or banished after Hawke defeated him at the spire. He was not free to harm any until I released him. If blame is truly to be placed, it should fall where it belongs."
Xanderian laughed softly. “Listen to us...like two ancient Noldor crones, arguing over the nature of time and reality and who deserves the blame for the falling of the lamps and the death of the trees, you or I. Evil exists and will always exist...you and I, we are absurdly tiny cogs in a great machine....as I suspect is Mans.”
Addiela nodded in agreement. "A cruel fate indeed.."
“So then...we must make a pact again, you and I....” the elleth sat up fully, eyes bright in the overcast night.
Addiela raised a brow in curiosity. "I'm listening..."
Xanderian held out her hand. “We must both put aside matters of guilt, and blame...and focus on what truly matters.”
“And what do you suggest we focus on, Xanderian?” Addiela sighed a bit at her friends penchant to be vague.
“...protecting those we love, standing together...and having our revenge on he would sought to divide and delude us.” The elf looked very pleased with herself.
Addiela looked down again, 'Perhaps that is something attainable for you, Xanderian, but for me.. I am not so certain.'
The huntress had expected such a statement from the Rohan woman, and hopped up onto her knees. “I have greater faith in you then that....for have seen you overcome worse with my own eyes. Sweet sister, Mans would be free, one way or another...none of us guessed where he was hidden, we only knew he was gone, hopefully for good, but we did not question it further. We were all fools. He could have just as easily used any of us.”
Addiela looked up at Xanderian, clearly fighting tears, “I STILL do not understand why it is that all of you have such faith in me. I haven't proven myself worthy of it, quite the opposite... Aye, he could have used any of us, but he choose me and I still possess the abilities that he used for such purposes. Who is to say that he will not do such again? If I could, I would be free of this curse... a weak mind cannot hope to be entrusted with such great a power.”
'Yours was not the ONLY mind ensnared in this matter, or have you forgotten that fact? And I do not speak of myself or your other comrades." Xanderian smiled.. “Would the Lord Elrond have given your Freebooter the morgul blade called Pride without Mans and his Ring of Artifice easing his fears and silencing his natural caution? The man Rathvald is hardly the most dependable seeming of the late born..in fact I would be disinclined to trust him regarding the name of his own grandmother based on his demeanor. Are you saying now that Mans sought out Elrond for his "weak mind”?”
Addiela's eyes widened, that being the first she had actually thought of that. "Surely not..." She shook her head. "But Rath only did that which I asked him to as he has done many times before, even at his own peril…and he thought to do so because I had deceived him into thinking it was the only way to free my mind. He is trustworthy, on that you have my word, not that I would expect any of you to place much value in that anymore." Addie took in a deep breath and then sighed before continuing. "And nay, I have said nothing of the sort…”
“I mean no disrespect against the Freebooter…” Xanderian explained. “I simply note his great skill at accomplishing his goal.'
Addiela looked confused, 'Rathvald’s goal? I am not sure that I am following then”
“Rathvald’s goal is appearing to be without morals and rapacious and interested in gold and gold alone...no?' The elleth looked smug. “There was NO reason for the Lord Elrond to see through his appearance and demeanor. So for him to entrust him with a Morgul weapon of unknown power...would require the intervention of the power of Sindya to make such a risk seem reasonable. If even Lord Elrond could be seduced in that way, what hope would you or I have...and besides, Sindya had a very potent weapon to use against you.'
Addiela stopped and tilted her head to the side. "Then it is as you said earlier, Xanderian.. all were played for fools. However, I will not let blame fall on one I deceived into a task. I took advantage of my friendship with Rath and used it for the purpose I sought. He is innocent of that which has been placed on him."
Xanderian nodded. “I agree...and in truth...when the case is put to the Lord Elrond, I believe I know how he would respond. The Lord Elrond Half-elven, Master of Imladris and Lord Creator of the Last Homely House will never believe that one such as Rathvald could ever have the wit, skill or power to deceive him. He will also discount your ability to do so. He would be more inclined to think such a thing of Xandilif or myself as he knows us as troublemakers and malcontents....but in the end he will readily accept that nothing save a ring of power could have so befuddled him. Our defense will be his arrogance…And YOU did not use Rathvald's love for you...Sindya did, as it used your love for your father.'
Addiela looked down to the ground, silent.
The elleth continued, leaning close but careful not to touch the woman. “Yes you had the power that Sindya sought...and also a weakness it could exploit..your love and grief. It could easily have used Eduwiges, or Nethrida if it had required strength of arms...It could even have used myself. I do not know why it seems so often to be you that is used and abused by evil...but it is not due to a fault of your own...simply ill luck I imagine'
Addiela closed her eyes. "And yet…You do not find it odd? I once had a dream, Xanderian, long before I met you. In the midst of the whispers of the Forsaken Inn, I believe a vision was shown to me in the form of a dream. I could see myself standing in the middle of many people and there was a dark look in my eye. Some of the faces I recognized, those of friends, and others were not revealed- I assume this to be those I would met later. One by one they fell, by my hand... dark energy consumed them as I reached out for them.'
The huntress watched her closely. 'Dreams can speak of futures, they can also speak of fears. Since the day I met you, your greatest fear has been that you will destroy those you love. You can be hard, and harsh...given to melacholy and dark thoughts....but that is not even a fraction of what you are.'
Addiela sighed, 'We both know the dream I had of Kheledul was accurate, Xanderian. What is to say that this dream isn't accurate as well? I remember very little of other dreams, if any... And what if I am nothing more than an ill omen, Xanderian?'
'Then we shall be ill omens together, and all those who love us have been warned.' The elleth was not giving ground.
Addiela stared, 'And you are fine with that?'
Xan shook her head. “I am not fine with that, but there is nothing we can do to change it....save to battle that darkness that seeks to use us. I depend upon the wisdom of those I love to find their paths...and despite my own despair, I truly believe that underestimating us is a grave error by Mans. He seeks to break our will to oppose him. He had Xanir slain to cause me to buckle and surrender, and the temptation was powerful...But I will NOT!”
Addiela sighed again and looked away, 'I want nothing more than to see him banished again by my hands, Xanderian.. but if I lose all of you in the process of doing so.. Is it truly worth it?'
The elleth’s voice went soft and firm. 'If I must fall for you to end Mans for all time, I give my life willingly. You may have that now on record.'
Addiela 's voice now showed her frustration. "No! Why is everyone so willing to die and have me live? I cannot accept any of this.. I can't!"
Standing, Xanderian controlled her passion, trying her best to speak logically. “Addiela....if I have occasion to slay Mans at the cost of anything, I will take it. I am not so willing to die and for you to live…I accept that any or all of us may die in this pursuit. The death of the Child did not blunt my edge as he intended, it has honed it. This is not revenge, no longer...it is doing what must be done for the good of all. Once I believed Mans simply an evil slaver, who needed to be destroyed...then I saw him as a cruel, personal foe...now I see, he is a weapon of the enemy with the power to subvert even the great. He must be destroyed.'
Addiela looked back at Xan and slowly nodded in agreement. "I admit…You speak rightly."
Xanderian clearly restrained the desire to hug Addie again. “And we...all of us....have been placed by fate in his path, with this task. This may indeed be our destiny, Addiela”
Addiela was not willing to release all her fears just yet. 'And what if my destiny is to be a stumbling block for the rest of you? A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, Xanderian'
Xanderian just smiled, ''That is true in steel, but not in souls....souls grow stronger when supporting those who falter. A stumbling block? You have ever been the opposite...you have never caused us to stumble...you have UNITED us and we have been given the greatest weapon we can have against him. We are bound together by love...while he and his allies are bound by hate and self-interest. That is why we will win, for we cleave to one another, and when one of us is threatened, as you were, we grow all the stronger...Our petty concerns, our loves and hates, become secondary to standing together as one as we stood at the Thirsty Seer in Minas Tirith....why do you think he fled from that place?'
Addiela looked back unsure as Xanderian continued. “You needed us..and we were there....as you will be when I need you, or any of us. You drew mercy from Gwaelion and Finchley, force of will from Nethrida and Eduwiges....and you caused Xandilif to reveal herself for the first time in years. Those were not easy tasks'
Addiela shook her head, 'But neither are those tasks that have not also been accomplished by others'
“Perhaps not...but they are rare indeed, you do not realize HOW rare.” Xanerian sat down beside her again. ”The last time Xandilif uncovered the power of SilverWand was in Caerfella Redoubt...and no one can truly access what the outcome of that affair would have been otherwise.”
Addiela looked back down to the ground. "I appreciate your words, Xanderian, but I am afraid they are only swallowed up by doubts and things I know to be true otherwise. Even so, it has been made abundantly clear to me that all of you wish me to remain. I shall not abandon you and I too am of the mind to see Mans meet his final end, if shades can even do so... "
'I will accept that much, and let time slowly teach you that I am wiser than you realize now....” Xanderian smiled. 'As for Mans...we will find a way'
Addiela nodded, the dispute having exhausted her, 'Your words are wise, Xanderian, even if I cannot fully accept them… and as you said, you all have been warned. Nethrida and Xandilif also have a promise to uphold if such does happen again.'
Xanderian smirked, 'That they will slay you should you turn to shadow? Well...do not challenge that promise with the Banshee today. In her current mood she may slay you for slurping your soup and insist that it was a sign of evil devouring your very soul.”
Mentioning Xandilif, Addie’s eyes darkened again. “Many show their grief in different ways, but it is those that hold it all in that should be worried over the most.'
Surprised, Xan nearly laughed. 'Are you saying you of all people worry over the Maiden of Madness?'
Addie nodded. 'I worry over all of you, Xanderian. My only wish is for each of you to be happy. It is why I want to run and remain at the same time.'
'Then we shall all conspire to make that so...for you as well Addiela, my melancholy sister.' Xanderian looked back out at the stars. “I can say with absolute certainty that your departing would make NO ONE happy…save Mans'
Addiela nodded, though it might could be seen in her expression that she does not believe happiness to be something she can possess. "Aye, it is why I have stayed even though I view myself as a threat to all of you. I knew you would all chase after me and be upset over my departure.. It would have served nothing. I am sorry again.. for everything.'
'And you are forgiven again, for everything...and we are back where we started as I sat by your bed as your wounds were stitched in the Pony while you apologized for everything that had not been your fault.” Xanderian looked back at her.
Addiela's eyes widened as those images and old pains flashed through her mind. She chuckled bitterly. "So much to be forgiven for..."
Xanderian agreed..."With life...comes a need to be forgiven.”
'I keep hearing that word a lot lately...forgiven. 'Something that happens when you've wronged so many I suppose, as...' The Rohan woman sighed.
Xanderian cut her off, 'The only person you have ever truly wronged, my sister, is yourself...'
Addiela's expression showed that she disagreed with that, but she wasn't willing to argue anymore. 'I am sorry that I could not be more of a comfort to you, I know that you are facing much'
Biting her lip, the elleth finally nodded, "I....I am ready...and you give me far more comfort than you realize.” Xanderian reached into her pouch, and set a small carved wooden figure on the ground in front of her. Addiela immediately recognized the figurine of two interlocked hearts that she had given Xanderian in Bree, one plain and one ornate, and her eyes begin to mist over as she stared at it. Xanderian smiled..."It never leaves me."
Addiela reached up a hand to the emerald ribbon in her hair, and gift from Xanderian at the same time. "Neither does this..."
Xanderian stared into her eyes gently. “We are bonded my sister, by blood and fire, hardship and joy...and I would not have it any other way'
The mist in Addie’s eyes had formed into full tears, but she hadn’t shed them yet. She blinked a few times, trying to keep her composure and then nodded slowly. She reached out her hand to touch the smooth surface of the plain heart. She was silent as she considered why she had carved her representation to be so plain and then looked to the other heart entwined with it, intricately, even excessively detailed. When she spoke, her words were whispered, like a dark confession. "I could not feel my heart beating in the realm of memories, Xanderian…yet, I was content in knowing that it had stopped beating to keep all of you save. It was dark and nothing remained but despair, but I would do it all again if it meant you could live your lives in peace."
“I know you would...as does Eru. Perhaps that was why you did not need to do so." Xanderian carefully tucked the carving away again. “I will not tell you not to sacrifice yourself...we all may be forced to do so if need be...but I will simply tell you what Gaw....the Banshee taught me as a child….Do not fear dying....everything dies....rather, fear dying uselessly.”
Addiela sighed and nodded slowly, able to head Xandilif speaking those words clearly in her mind. The Champion of the Azure Faithful served a hard and unyielding god. “Only time will tell what is to be our fate.”
Xanderian settled again on the rocks beside her and nodded. "Indeed”
And so the two sat there in silence the rest of the night until the dawning of a new day…
...the day of Xanir’s funeral.
