The following morning saw us all still in something of a shock. Ethel laid in bed for some hours, until Ymma brought a midday meal to the bottom of the stairs to tempt all of our empty stomachs. Even then, Ethel was not her usually hungry self. She picked at the bacon, eggs and mushrooms without her usual passion. But she spoke with us. She was ‘alright’ she said, and just glad we and the animals were safe. Only once did she utter to her papa, ‘Will he come after us again?’
Would he?
Waelden and I had exchanged glances. We both realised that if that Dunlending knew we had survived, the answer would be ‘yes’.
But he didn’t know. And it was in our interest to keep that news from him for some time at least. He must have seen the roof collapse, the inferno he had created? The Riders had only rescued us by seconds. It was unlikely he had seen that.
“He doesn’t know we survived, girl. He doesn’t know where we are.” Waelden replied truthfully, reaching over to ruffle her hair. She trusted him, but she was still a little subdued.
Waelden and I ate a little more heartily, though mostly because we knew we had to keep up our own strength and set the right example to our daughter. I would not show Ethel, nor even Waelden yet, the depth of my hurt.
And then Ymma returned to take away the plates, and asked Ethel if she would care to take a look around the farm with her and Northgyth later?
“It’s a bright, sunny day, and Northgyth thinks young Ethel may like to check on your animals in the barn, and on the horses, and perhaps help with the chickens?” the brown haired woman suggested in her friendly manner.
Now Waelden had already been down to check on both horses and animals, but it seemed a good idea. Ethel could do with something to distract her. Animals of almost any sort would do that.
“And we have a few cows,” Ymma continued. “Have you milked cows before, Ethel?’
Ethel had been slipping a few pieces of bacon to Herne, who sat quietly at her feet. He did not beg, she had already taught him that. She nodded and yawned and stretched her arms.
“No, but I would give it a try. Do you have goats? Papa’s goat could do with some friends.”
Ymma laughed. “No goats, but Northgyth may decide to get one or two. She can be impulsive every few years. But first, perhaps you should all take a bath and wash the grime and the smell from you?”
It happened that Northgyth’s farm backed on to a swift flowing part of the river, but there was a nearby lake a short walk across a neighbouring house’s land, and some small bays where it was safe to enter the water so long as you didn’t get too close to the falls.
Ymma gave me a large bowl of soapwort leaves before we left the house. “There, get yourselves clean” she said. “The riverside should be empty. The neighbours are away to Aldburg at the moment so no one should disturb you. You have clean clothes?”
“They all smell of smoke. I will take a few to wash as well. But….I am afraid we have already made the room a little dirty. Ethel slept in the bed almost straight away.”
With a dismissive wave of her hand, Ymma replied “I will take care of it. You are not the only ones to have been burned out of your home you know. Usually it is the work of orcs these days.”
So we went, Ethel and I a little ahead of Waelden, to wash ourselves and the clothes we wore in the fresh running water. I washed Ethel’s hair as clean of the smell and ash as much as I could, and when she dunked her head, then rose up cleaner and fresher, she actually smiled. “That feels better, Perhaps you will braid it for me in a little while, Yllfa?”
Of course I would, and did.
We loosened our dresses and rubbed at our arms and legs and smothered ourselves in the lather. It was washing away part of the memories I felt. But only part.
After a short time Waelden joined us, and Ethel and I sat on the nearby rocks, drying ourselves in the sun, and taking turns with each other’s hair, until she had enough, and decided to go and take Ymma up on her offer of a tour of the farm. I returned to the water’s edge with the small bundle of clothes I wanted to free from taint, as Waelden splashed at me a little.
It felt strange...unreal. It was like a moment outside the flow of time when I knew we were safe, but anything could happen next. I thanked Bema for the blessings of stumbling on such kind folk, and I half got in the water to splash Waelden back.
We took our time, as I placed the freshly washed items on the rocks to dry as much as possible, and Waelden and I sat with our backs against the same rock, watching white clouds scuttle across an azure sky. His mood had become more reflective. I reached for his hand.
“Never again,” he said.
I knew what he meant.
“Aye, never again will Ethel go through that!” I replied. “ I am concerned for her, that her dreams will all be nightmares, that the full force of what happened hasn’t struck her yet.”
Waelden turned towards me, to lay on his side and take my hand, locking his fingers with mine. “When it does, we need to be prepared to help her, to comfort her” he said, in a no less determined, but slightly softer voice. “No child can go through such an experience without being damaged in some way. No adult either!”
I turned also, so we could lie face to face. “The first great loss I experienced was when a close friend died. I was about two years older than Ethel is now. The healers at Forlaw helped me recover in body and mind then the best they could.”
“Would you like to speak about it, hm?”
I hadn’t ever really told Waelden about Wulfgan before. It was long in the past. It didn’t really matter to the here and now.
“I lost a very good friend. Wulfgan was his name. I was fourteen winters, he was three winters older. We were becoming close...and then my papa accepted a posting to Stangard. So we ran away together...we only got a few miles from Forlaw when a mounted goblin scout attacked us, and slew him. We got nowhere near our goal of Cliving.”
I halted, looking to Waelden a moment for any reaction, but he just nodded, his gaze was steady, his link with my fingers firm.
“He was my first love...sort of...I was very young. He was my only love...until I met you.”
Waelden smiled and chuckled. “Young love eh..is there a more beautiful and innocent thing?”
“But I was riddled with guilt, that I survived, and he perished trying to protect me…” I faltered in my words a moment then, the hazy image in my memory still able to wound.
Squeezing my hand reassuringly, Waelden sighed. He stroked his thumb along the back of my hand.
“And an older love can be even more beautiful, dear, but my point is it took me months to recognise the damage, many months to begin to heal. I wanted to shut myself in, to curl up in a tight ball and sleep forever. But the healers told me not to do that. In time, they said, I would learn to embrace life again.”
“That is good advice,” he said softly.
“Unlike me, Ethel bears no guilt, nor should she. But two attacks on her and on us will not depart her thoughts easily, or soon. Fear of the night, of fire, of strangers may plague her waking thoughts.”
“As the healers told you, so we should tell Ethel. It will take time to think through what happened,” he said.
“The healers also told me to feed my mind with good things, even as my body grew stronger. As soon as I was able they started teaching me more of wort-cunning, until my family had to depart. That drew me back a little,” I explained.
“We will watch her closely. We can keep her mind on other things when we can, such as hunting, playing with Herne, learning any new skill she shows interest in.”
“Aye, we can give her back good things to dream about, perhaps, to keep her from the darkness.”
We both fell quiet then for a short time, fingers still entwined in that show of mutual support and belonging. Then the sky began to cloud over a little, with the threat of rain. Taking up the clean clothes we walked slowly back to Northgyth’s house, the roof over our heads at present.
It was when we got to the upper room she had given us that I first really understood the depth of her kindness. There was fresh bedding, replacing that which the soot covered Ethel had slept on the previous night. There were two chairs, old but usable, in front of the lit hearth. There was a small screen set up so as to give Ethel a little more privacy, and there was a second bed, again old, but oh so welcoming.
For now, this was our refuge, and I was grateful for it.