Well here I is an' I'm quite surprised to be sat 'ere with this nutty brew an' gassin' let me tell you!. After roving around the shire on various odd jobs here and there I started to hear all of these dark mutterings!.
Spoke to the old gaffer up in Frogmorton and he was all ' ere now lad, yer don' wanna' be goin' messin' in things like this. 's all very uncomfortable! Now be a good lad an' peel the taters'. Now out in Frogmorton there ain't much but frogs an' they don't talk much sense and listen none too good at all. 'Sides, black men, wolves on the borders, big folks an' goblins! What's a hobbit lad in thier tweens to do?. Why 'ave a look 'o course!. After breakfast and possibly elvenses too first mind!. Can't be travellin' on a light belt and tooth if yer can help it!
(A large mouthful of ale is taken )
So off I trochled, across the Brandywine bridge and into Buckland! That's a fair bit to start with you know! Most of us shire hobbits tend not to leave the bounds an' all!
Well now Newbury an' Brandyhall were in a right state, what with bad big folks, bounder training and tales of things going even wronger in the old forest an' it starts out bad an' just gets worse in there if even a third o' the old tales 'ave it right.
An' whats worse they did!. Every one of 'em tales 'as summat in 'em that's actually spot on!. Why I never would 'ave thunk o' goin' in there but nevertheless I ends up in the place with the hair on me toes standin' on end!. Fright of my life when i gots chased by a tree that actually walked never mind them dang wolves an' bats as big as yer 'ead!. Cor! them an' the spiders an' I 'ates, 'ates spiders! Gives me the creeps in' places that shouldn't be a creepin'. Anyhows that's the start o' it an' there's a lot more. But me throats gettin' dry an' there's a massive queue for the bar, so another time eh?.
