The pain comes
No longer do I fight it
No longer do I seek to hide
The pain comes
And for this moment I let it visit
I cry
I scream
I howl it out to the dark night
I howl like the wolf inside
Again and again
Until my throat is raw
Then, slowly
So slowly it subsides
The years of rejection fade away
There is warmth around me
There is warmth within
A peace I had never thought to know
“Yllfa,” said Ethel as she poked her head back in the door to the house. “I have nightmares too you know. Sometimes they are very bad. So I think it’s alright to howl. Maybe I will give that a try sometime. Maybe it’s better than the possets you give me?”
Shaken from my own reflections on the previous night, I turned from my preparations of dinner to face that dearest of children.
“I am sorry Ethel, I didn't mean to disturb you. I know you have trouble sleeping yourself these days.”
Ethel shrugged.”It’s alright. I am not a child you know. But when I was, I used to cuddle up with papa, and he held me tight, and ..well...I wasn’t frightened any more.”
She winked at me. “Maybe you should try that?”
Dearest Ethel, so often right in her suggestions, I thought. I smiled at her with great affection.
How could she know that it was already because of her papa’s willingness to hold me tight through my demons that I stood, a little more healed, a little more whole today.
"Let it all out, love" he had whispered to me.
And I had.
