Dear Hawk,
Still miss you but if you were here you'd probably know that. Still not ready.
But I think that perhaps things are getting a little easier. I can look out over the Bay without turning into a puddle of tears. And keeping busy with this and that is a great help. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just distracting myself from my own feelings. But, I don't think it works like that. I think, perhaps, trying to live reminds me of all the things I think are worth living for. You being gone still hurts but it's much like the sea. It comes and goes in waves but never really dries out. I call that a win. What would you think?
Miss Neth finally got to reunite with her family in Linhir. Of course, all of us came along with her. We wouldn't have missed it for the world. Her parents are quite kind and fed us both lunch and dinner! Don't tell anyone but, I think that was my favorite part of the day! They have spicy food here in Gondor too! Happy day!
I don't think Neth's sister was too happy to see her. But maybe it's a sibling thing? I never had any myself - Grams said one handful was certainly enough for her - but I knew many pairs of siblings and sibling rivalry of one kind or another seems to be common. Still, I think her sister's unhappiness wasn't mere rivalry. Luckily, her mother did what mothers seem to do best and put a halt on it for the time being. After everything, I think Neth deserves a little kindness and understanding.
I think that there is something very wrong with Miss Addie. I'm not sure what. I am learned enough but no scholar. It's all completely beyond me. I think most everyone has noticed that something is off by now. But we're all at a loss as to how to fix it. I'm not living up to your 'clever Finch' title, am I? But you were clever as anything. I bet you'd see something we all have missed. Still, I'll keep trying my best.
Perhaps you'd like to know that your cats are doing quite well. They miss you and I think it took a little while for them to become used to me being in your room instead of you; especially the older one. The younger likes to follow me around some. I love them well and enjoy their company. They are a huge comfort on the harder nights. Although, I do miss that raven I left back in Rivendell to recover. I wonder how he is doing? I hope his wing is getting better at the very least. When I go back to get him, however long that will be, I hope to see him fly again. I bet he'll still have the same attitude though.
With all the practicing I have been doing, I'm sure to be absolutely covered with bandages at this rate. I am ever grateful for all the ones I acquired in Rivendell afore I came here. One more thing to thank Bild and Miss Cesistya for. I think perhaps I'll write that return letter to Maurr soon and send it off to the Lonely Mountain so he can have it after he arrives.
Also, I believe I have finally figured out a good gift idea for Lif. I haven't got much coin - I still have the gold Bild gave me but, seeing as I didn't get to use it for what it was intended for after all, I want to return it to him the first chance I get. That's only fair. But, even with little coin, I think she might like something I can make myself. I just wonder if I can get her to sit still for it. Maybe I'll bribe her with grog. Then it will be double the present. Genius!
I am worried about Xan. It's obvious that she has not recovered from you but, if you ask me, I don't think she has been fully alright since what happened to her at Kheledul. If I could, I'd take all that from her so she can have some space to just feel unburdened for a little while. I think, if that were at all possible, I could be strong enough for it. I got a letter from Mister Byrge the other day saying that I shouldn't break my own heart trying to shoulder everyone else's grief along with my own. But how can I not want that? How can I not want to be useful and helpful to someone I care very much about?
I don't think it's possible to do such a thing anyway. But if it was, I think I'd try anyway.
Wish you were here. But, wherever you are, wherever it is we go when we pass, you don't have to worry. I am going to keep on living. I won't leave one who you loved alone. I hope I can make you somewhat proud.
[Beneath this entry is a quick sketch of Hawk's face - a near perfect likeness for all the rough lines in charcoal.]
