I knew this day was coming.
I feared it...and smelled it in the wind like a distant, unavoidable blaze.
I knew it was coming...I had seen it.
As I sorted my memories in the dark days after Kheledul, filing each into careful compartments in my mind and heart, there were some I was unable to place. These I soon realized were those most difficult and uncertain of memories...memories of things which may be yet to come.
Some still burn dimly in the realm of possibilities....such as the knight Masin and I, watching the stars grow brighter through drifting smoke, laying by the side of swift, cold stream, or sharing a horse with sister Addie, watching wild horses stampede along rocky hills touched by war, or the scholar Annabette Renton, her bare skin bright from head to toe with embarrassment as she gathers her wet clothing in an upstairs chamber at The Thirsty Seer while I count out coins.
Others I have come to experience, and in doing so learned their true nature...such as taking a beautiful necklace from the hands of a kinswoman with eyes the color of a starless night, a gem at her throat blazing like Ormal. This was a vision of a memory I was destined to have of a cherished moment with dear Calidis while we sheltered still in Imladris.
Then there was the vision of Eduwiges, her cloak stained with blood and hard travel, before a mound covered in white flowers, standing tall yet weeping alone, without comfort.
This vision I could not place, yet feared in dark dread...and now as I live it I understand why.
Long hours past we left our companions at the crossroads to let them ride to meet Addie's destiny in Cliving while Cyndwin, Calidis, Hawke and myself went with Eduwiges to see about her father's welfare in Faldham.
Eduwiges had grown concerned when no one in nearby Harwick was willing to give her any knowledge of the state of her father, Alfara...only that the Elfward of Faldham were hard pressed by orcs. Now the moment had come to find out the truth, to face the moment proud Eduwiges had been anticipating since I had met her....the moment of reuniting with her father.
The ride was slow and bloody as it became quite apparent that the Uruks were indeed out in force in the Norcrofts, menacing the locals and travelers alike. When at last we rode into the gates of Faldham, we littered the ground of the encampment with the spears and heads of dead orcs as proof of our friendly intent.
Several of the local Riders came forward to question and challange us but Eduwiges did not pause, shouldering through them and into the Mead Hall of the Thane of Faldham, Elfhelm. In his absence, his son Elfmar presided over this hall and led his people. We followed her, eager to support her despite the strange looks we received as we walked past the great fires towards the high table. There, meeting with his council, was the fierce, yellow haired acting Thane, looking none too happy for the intrusion.
Eduwiges strode proudly, almost aggressively to the front. She bowed and boomed 'Lord Elfmar, I am Eduwiges, daughter of Alfara and I...I...I have come home." Then she stopped, and looked back to us as her words failed her.
With nothing else to say, Eduwiges dropped to one knee before the Thane. I watched as his flinty eyes looked her over with a touch of amazement on his face. "Eduwiges? Eduwiges?" he asked, "But we thought, your father thought you dead, for many years. How is it you come here now?" He stepped back, and his council around him seemed as surprised as he, then all eyes turned to us, the strange band that were standing far to one side. Would we make this easier, or more difficult for our comrade?
I cleared my throat softly and barely whispered out of deference to the Hall of the Thane. "Eduwiges of Faldham is a name well known to the free peoples, leading war bands against the enemy throughout the west..as I am sure she is too modest to tell you of, mighty Thane. My companions and I serve proudly in her company."
Eduwiges smiled and took up the tale. "I have been away across Eriador. I have lived...' she broke off for a moment, knowing this was not the time for what the Elfward would consider strange tales. 'I have adventured a bit all over Lord Elfmar.'
Lord Elfmar looked over at us, clearly displeased, 'Two elves if I am correct in assuming, a man of Gondor and a girl? Eduwiges, you keep strange company...but you have come at a fortuitous time.' His eyes lingered on the scars gracing Eduwiges' face. "I can tell you are battle scarred, and from the wear of your blade you have been fighting. I can put a warrior such as you to work young woman...But I am afraid you did not come home to guard the Wold did you?''
Eduwiges looked up at Lord Elfmar and asked the question she had been dreading, stated in her own unique way. 'My father is dead isn't he?' She looked Elfmar bravely in the eyes, chin quivering, hand on the pommel of her sword as a true shield maiden. The question hung in the air like lead as the hall went silent.
The Thane paused, and unbidden my mind was filled with the image of that mound, covered in soft white blossoms...and I knew what he would say before his deep voice rolled across the Mead Hall. "Aye lass, six months ago. When we started losing arms and equipment sent from the capitol. Your father went to investigate and ask questions at Edoras. They found him half way home surrounded by his guard and dozens of orcs and wargs...all dead.''
Eduwiges just stared at Elfmar as I struggled not to sob or rush to her...she finally nodded and just tightening her grip on her sword. 'Where did you lay him?' No one answered, the young Thane looking uncomfortably towards his council, clearly unsure of the answer. Eduwiges raised her voice, a touch of steel entering it, 'Where did you lay my father??!!'
One of the council finally stood, bowing to Elfmar before speaking. "He was buried out on the hill where we lay all our warriors, he is already covered in Symbeline.''
The pale haired woman nodded curtly. "I will be back", and she walked out of the hall with no other comment.
I glanced at my companions, unsure what to do or how to best help sweet Eduwiges. Calidis made a slight curtsey to the Thane and then followed after Eduwiges without another word. We each then followed her example, bowing and following quickly.
We found Eduwiges already striding towards the gate, half blind with tears. She turned to us when I called her name, her voice shattered with emotion. "I knew it. I knew it in my heart when none had any word of him. I must go to his grave and say words and then...then I must find out who slew him.'
I took the woman by the shoulders, struggling to control my own emotion as so many eyes were upon us. "He passed as he would have wished to...sword in hand"
Calidis frowned, looking incredibly pained. "... Any foul thing out there could have slain him... N-None of us would want you to do anything rash."
Eduwiges took a deep shuddering breath, suddenly also aware of all the eyes observing her...her father's comrades in the Elfward and the simple folk of Faldham who had been living under threat for so long and had also lost so many loved ones. She met my eyes and I saw in her the realization that she must now stand for something to these people, as her father once had. Security, strength, hope against all odds..these were her father's legacy and it made her straighten her spine and lift her eyes.
Finally, Eduwiges spoke, her voice soft and even...'Please, you would all honor me if you came with me to where he rests.'
And so I entered my vision, standing near to Eduwiges shoulder before the white dappled mound, unable to comfort my love as she wept. Should I have told her of this vision weeks past? Should I have shared my fears with her? I will never know.
After what seemed like an age rolled past before the grave, Eduwiges wiped her eyes and turned to us. "The hills here are covered in white flowers. In Edoras the flowers only grow on the Graves of kings, but here at Faldham, where it is said the Elfward are kin to the Dwimordene the White flowers grow freely. Some say it is as if every hill is the grave of my people. It feels like that is true today.'
She fought back a sob and continued, lifting her voice in song. "Where now the horse and rider? Where now is the horn that was blowing? Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing? Where is the hand on, on, o-on.' She stopped, and collapsed to her knees, grief overtaking her as she sobbed. Stricken I looked to my companions, Hawke looking angry with empathy, Calidis weeping silently for her new friend's loss, Cyndwin horrified, wondering what would await her when she journeyed home and if she would bear it as well as Eduwiges. As for myself, I ached for this woman I had come to love so dearly, and for the horror and guilt of my vision proving true.
Finally, Cyndwin nudged me forward, as uncertainly I placed a hand on Eduwiges' shoulder...afraid of somehow cheapening her grief with my presence. Was this not a time for men and their ways, not the firstborn? However she gripped my hand tightly and looked up at me, eyes still wide and tearstained.
"I am sorry my friends, my father and I...we many things left unsaid...." Her voice broke again and she pressed her face against my hand.
Calidis shook her head, '"Never be sorry for grieving for someone you lost... If I was allowed to do so for thousands of years then you have as much right..."'
Eduwiges stood up and bent down, gathering a small bouquet of white flowers from the ground. Calidis approached her. "... Would your father object to... something from our people upon his grave?" After Eduwiges shook her head, surprised, Calidis stepped up to the mound and pulled something from one of her pockets. A greenish-white stone cut into a perfect circular shape. It was clearly unfinished and meant to be a part of something else yet she knealt down and placed the stone amongst the flowers where the setting sun could be reflected off of it properly.
She rose and smiled shyly at Eduwiges. "... For future hope... When you next come to this place... You will find that your grief is lighter to carry." She spoke with certainty and gestured to the stone."
Eduwiges smiled through the last of her tears and said softly, 'Thank you Calidis, that is beautiful. I think he would love it.'"
I stroked Eduwiges' pale hair as the others gathered around and I whispered to her. "Even if it be lighter to bear, that grief you will never bear alone, my lynx...Never."
Eduwiges nodded, and hugged us each in turn. "Give me a few moments here alone, to speak with him. I expect this may be my last chance before we depart."
As I took Cyndwin's hand, giving sweet Eduwiges the privacy she desired and walking with Hawke and Calidis back towards the Mead Hall I noticed the young Lord Elfmar approaching her. Praying that whatever he wished to say eased her pain better than we could, I thought again of the strange nature of visions...and of days I know will come.
