Found:
Bree. Again. Ugh.
Amaken joined me again today. He told me more about his adventures. It is nice to hear. Unable to participate in such myself these days, I find that living vicariously through others is the next best thing. It is distant and no patch on a real one, of course, but it will do. It has to.
He is sweet, this man, if misguided. He tried to give me a gift in thanks for my company. I found myself compelled to decline it, of course! It was far too expensive a thing to be given for so frivolous a reason. I advised him, instead, to keep it for another. He had, not a few moments before, spoken of doing just that; gifting it to a woman to whom he could declare his devotion. I can only hope that he did not mistake me for such.
I've only known him for a day, for goodness sake!
Even were that not the case, my heart lies elsewhere even if I do have doubts...
Dernwynn and I spoke a little later. She delights in trying to encourage some form of romantic relationship between myself and Rahvic. I keep pointing out to her the problems with such a notion. It would be akin to her sharing a bed with Tilton!
Ruemax, I am told, is currently very busy with the preparations for the wedding. Whether this is in an effort to allow the mother-to-be her rest, or simply because he delights in such frippery, I have no idea! Regardless, she seems content to let him handle it all.
She again teased me with ribbons. I again told her that I would attend her wedding without a stitch upon my form were she to insist on such a thing. She should know me well enough by now to be aware that I will keep my word on that, winter or not! I'm of the opinion that she actually may wish to see me do such a thing!
It may be cruel of me to disappoint the bride on her wedding day, and I have never been cruel.
Otherwise, I read, I write, I translate. I ride, and eat and clean and fail to cook. I struggle with pain and with sleep. I battle with fears, waking and unconscious. I fight with memories, with expectations, with hope at war with ambiguity. I hold myself together by pretending that I am just fine.
I'm not.
