A Finch's Journal: Entry 11

I finally have the gloves and scarf that Miss Taite agreed to make for me! It feels good to not have my fingers and such freeze off while I'm out and about. I have tossed the old, hole-filled ones out as they're good for nothing but to use as dust rags now. And, Miss Taite left me the most delicious muffins! I'll have to remember to thank her and leave the coin I owe her for the knitting on the table where she can find it. In fact, I'll do it right now so I won't forget.

[Here there is a small half a paw print and a little tear through the page where a small claw has punctured through it.]

I think it's my quill that Pumpkin keeps wanting to play with. Have to remember to stop leaving it out when I leave my journal unattended. But perhaps her little contributions to my writing are kind of cute. I can't ever be cross with her, no siree!

I met Miss Xanderian's sister, Miss Xandilif, recently. I suppose she's a friend to Hawk too. Or maybe not? It was hard to tell for a bit there but I think they get on well enough. I just hope Hawk's shoulder didn't go numb from all the punches it took. I think Miss Xandilif doesn't realize her own strength. Maybe I ought to recommend him to Mister Maddoct if it hurts him overly much.

For a minute there, during out meeting, I began to doubt myself. I've always known who and how I am and have always been content with it. I've always looked at my supposed failings and oddities in a positive light as they are things that make me the person I am. And because I accept and embrace the person I am, I try to do the same for others. Plenty of people are so quick to pick out and name the faults of others but that's not the sort of thing I could ever do. I'd much rather seek out the good in others and not add to the voices of naysayers. What good does it do?

But, for some reason, Miss Xandilif doesn't agree, which I can respect. But something about the way she said it had me well and truly doubting myself for a minute there. I'm not sure if it was because she reacted so strongly or because I felt like I was doing a bang up job of explaining myself. But Miss Addie thankfully brought up a point to her which made me feel better for hearing it.

I'll not doubt myself again. I will walk my path and chase my dreams and not be made to feel as if I were wrong for doing so again. Grams made me promise her to live my life with as few regrets as possible and I intend to keep that promise.

I remember she used to nag me for being, in her own words, her "greatest trial". But as the years went by, she said that I was also her "greatest gift". I know I learned so much from her but you can imagine my surprise when, near the end, she said that she had learned much from me too. I wonder what it was that she could have possibly learned but Grandma was never one to speak too much of herself.

I still remember, clear as day, the blessing she gave me the warm night before she passed. She said:

"May you sail far to the far fields of fortune with diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet and may you need never to banish misfortune. May you find kindness in all that you meet. May you bring love and may you bring happiness and be loved in return to the end of your days." -- (ooc note: words taken from "Sleepsong" by Secret Garden)

I miss her.