I’ve been home for a week, and it… it never felt right until today.
Since my father died, I’ve felt in a daze. As if something was shattered within me, a part of me I needed was gone.
Back in Fenmarch….nothing felt right. The swamp was what I once called home, that place I grew up. But every day, every night I would come home to the smiling face and loving arms of my father. And without him, the place felt dead. I couldn’t take it.
So I left. I wrote a letter, authorizing my sister Evaelynne to sell the estate in my name. I couldn’t stand being there. I needed to get home, to think…
I lost my keys somewhere along the way. It was raining. I was drenched. Hawthorn was exhausted. I unhitched her from the wagon and rode for the Turtle, hoping someone there would let me in. Fortunately Miss Adri was able to open it, with her nimble fingers.
A few days after that, a young girl came to my door. She introduced herself as Carria, and seemed cheerful enough. Although, once we started talking, that wasn’t the case. I realized as we were talking we’d suffered a similar pain. We’d dedicated our lives to someone, in the hope that they’d give us purpose. And we’d both seen torment because of it. Her moreso than me. But I’d always helped with Hookworth because of Bryn. Not because of me. Not because it was home….but because I hoped that if I gained Hookworth, I’d gain her too.
I gave Carria some advice that I felt was right. Use your clean slate to start a new masterpiece. I figured it was what she needed, and her face told me I was right.
Yesterday, I finished the boat. I’d been working on it non-stop, hoping for some sign of Brynleigh as I was outside, but there was still nothing. I made two stakes, put one in the boat, and hammered the other into the dirt near the lake, before tying the boat to it. The oars took another four hours. Considerably easier.
So, today. I went out to the Turtle today. There was a bit of a crowd. Miss Adri, Miss Ramield and Mr. Arenborn were there. It was a joy to see so many familiar faces. But it was there that I learned of a looming threat to Hookworth. I suddenly felt I was underdressed, feeling like I should return home to get my armor. On the way back, I encountered some lost woman who was looking for the turtle. I led her inside.
And there she was. Her hair shone in the firelight like molten gold, and her smile lit up my world like it had a thousand times before. But…somehow more so. This time, she meant it. This time, the smile extended from her face to her heart, and I could see it in her eyes. I don’t remember speaking. I dropped my shield in shock, and she hugged me. And I embraced her. And in that moment, every commitment I thought I had made to let my love for her go…every decision to try and move on…it all ended. That shattered piece of my heart seemed whole again, and I was happy. The entire time I was there, it was like I was in a daze. I was home, and nothing had felt better.
I walked her home, took the boat back across the lake. There was something freeing about having it done. It felt like there was something less between me and her. Some of the sorrows I’d been carrying for years evaporated into the air, or joined with the lake and sank.
The next hour brought clarity. This peace I’d found… this home… I can’t ever lose this. And I will commit to protecting it with my life. There’s always been a small order of knights living in Hookworth. I told Ramield today I have every intention of joining them.
