The past week has been…Busy. I bought a house in Hookworth, and some carpentry equipment. I’ve decided to turn my skills towards a more peaceful means, as the village carpenter. The house I’ve got is right across a lake from Miss Brynleigh’s, which was one of its selling points. This morning I started work on a boat…. A boat I’m not sure I can finish.
As I’ve said, the past week has been busy. After I moved in, what I hoped would be a week of peace has turned into two days of conflict. Yesterday, Miss Inayat came to bring me some sweet-rolls she had baked to welcome me home…. As we talked, I mentioned the boat I was working on. And the conversation turned towards my intent with it. Miss Ina raised several questions…in her brash, reckless way. Questions that shook me, because I didn’t have the answers. And for the first time in years, I found myself angry. And to make it worse…. My anger was hardly justified. I walked out on her, into my house.
I mulled over it four hours. What were my intentions? What do I want? I wish I could say for sure. I love Bryn. As surely as I know anything, I know that. And I want her to be happy. I want to be her friend…the best of friends…until she’s ready. But can I wait that long?
Something else happened today. I had discussed the misunderstanding with both Miss Ina and Bryn… I thought it resolved. But tonight, I found that Mister Aeroden, a man whom I have met before twice, and believe to be one of honor and integrity, would be staying with us in Hookworth. He and miss Ashwyneth accompanied us back home. On the way home, I saw Bryn in pain again. For the first time in too long. And it felt like my wound had reopened, my chest exploded…
We got back to the village, and Bryn asked me to walk Miss Ash home. So, I stepped outside. But Miss Ash was insistent that I attend to Bryn…So I went back inside.
I saw Aeroden’s hand on Bryn’s shoulder, and Bryn was wearing the deepest, most widespread, reddest blush I have ever seen. And my heart grabbed its spear, leaping before I could look. I stared daggers at Aeroden, asking him if he’d finished unpacking. And of course, my words were stated strongly…
They were both terrified. As I have stated before, I believe Mister Aeroden to be a good man. And this kind of base, instinctual reaction is exactly everything I fear. Everything I’d been dreading. This is the opposite of what Bryn needs…
When I saw her face, I was devastated. This wasn’t some badly timed statement, this wasn’t some awkward blunder. This was me being willing to fight another man, a stranger who I would be willing to call a friend…. over a misunderstanding, over a principle I have no right to enforce.
I’d like to think that I was simply trying to protect her, and that that blush was the reason I reacted. That maybe I was trying to save her from being uncomfortable. But I’ve watched my best intentions become twisted into ulterior motives. And…. I can’t trust myself around her.
So, I ask myself…. Should I leave? Is to remain still the right thing? Perhaps…Perhaps what we need is distance.
I’ll give it some more thought. Hopefully we can talk about it tomorrow….
In the meantime, I can’t continue to build this boat. It’s too soon, too fast. I think…For now…We at least need this lake between us. For both of our sakes.
