Staying up until after dawn for the bonfire wasn't easy for me. I'm usually awake before dawn. When I woke up the day after, it was near midday and my head was far from clear. I got the fire started back up and heated up some of the Attereeve's soup, then while I were sitting down to eat it, I saw the letter what had been left on my door the night afore, what I'd clean forgot about.
I've gotten better at reading, though I'm still slow. I recognized Miss Brynleigh's letters right off, but as I read them, fair soon I forgot my soup. She started by telling me she'd be away for a while and I were in charge of the stables on my own, reminding me of things I didn't normally do like ordering more oats, and telling me she was sure I were ready for the extra duties, except of course foaling and training but those weren't for a while yet. And then she told me why: that she couldn't bear to be in her house right now because she was… Well, there's no good way to say it: it's on account she was deep in grief for her husband what was lost in a mine cave-in. I had to read that part a few times before I really believed I'd read it right.
I don't remember just what I thought or did at first, I think I were just too shocked. Then I got up and pulled my boots on and ran out to her house, hoping maybe to catch her afore she was gone, but it were too late. There was no smoke from the chimney, the door was locked, there were no candles burning inside. She'd probably been gone already at least since the day afore. I ran up to the stables and saw Jack were gone too. Then I just stared and didn't know what to do. Felt like I couldn't even think because anything I thunk of was going to lead to that terrible thing. That he were gone. That she were alone, lost. I can't even think how it must be for her.
I found myself shoveling out stalls without remembering I'd started my chores. I must have fallen into routine because it was something I knew, something familiar and comforting. Anyhow, the horses hadn't been fed yet in the morning or given water, since I'd been so late, so it were needed. When everything was done I saddled up Kestrel and set out on my rounds, though it was late in the day, again because what else was there to do? And it helped me not think.
After calling on Rascal and Snow, I stopped at the Pony on the way towards the Cob farm to tell Bogo as I wouldn't be able to be part of the journey to return him to the Northfarthing. On the way in I stumbled on Miss Baker, and told her the news. Then on to the Cob farm to tend Biscuit, and to tell them too. I got to see Beoda a few minutes. I just wanted to see her, to remind myself she were still there, to hold her. Only a few minutes as she had to get back to the work what's keeping the whole family busy. Not enough for her to really get past the shock. I keep wanting to go back and see her again, but I know they're too busy and it's best I keep my distance for now.
When I got back to Hookworth I sought out Miss Ramield as I'd been thinking about the stables and how it's village business. About how there weren't a stable-boy to help, so it were just me and that maybe we should try to hire one. But more, about how foaling season weren't more than a couple months off, and if she weren't back in time, I didn't know foaling well enough. We don't know how long afore she comes back, and it might be only days or weeks, but if it's months, we might need to be hiring a stable-keeper, not expecting to rely on me. She said as Miss Inayat might be able to help, so now I got to try to find her. If Miss Brynleigh don't get back in time for my journey in April, Miss Ramield will make sure as there's someone to cover the stables while we're both gone, on account I can't stay, as this duty comes earlier. After that, we talked about all manner of things, and for a bit it took me away from the dull hurt, but not for long. I fear I took up way too much of her time.
I didn't sleep well, and I figure I won't sleep well for a while yet, but I wonder if Miss Brynleigh's able to sleep at all. When I woke up, after tending the stables -- including putting together an order for more oats and straw, and bringing it into town -- I found Kestrel making his way up north, towards the Cob farm. I didn't remember asking him to -- that keeps happening, with my thinking wandering off to how awful it must be for Miss Brynleigh, and me not realizing what I'm doing while I'm doing it -- and I figured as I shouldn’t be going there.
I could see the Horsefields, so, pursuing a thought, I directed Kestrel there instead. Master Éogar had worked with Miss Brynleigh and I reckoned as he should know. I didn't set out to ask any more than that, but as we talked, he was awful sympathetic, and somehow we came around to the idea of me coming by every day or two, for him to give me some of the apprentice training as Miss Brynleigh would've done. I thought it were a good idea. It's good for my learning and apprenticeship to not be delayed while Miss Brynleigh is gone, but I also thought maybe it'd be good for her too. When she come back I reckon she'll have much on her mind. If I can tell her that she don't got to worry about my training having fallen behind, maybe that's one small thing less to be on her mind. He's got to think about how I can pay for it -- I can't be his apprentice while I'm Miss Brynleigh's, and I can't spend as much time working on his farm as an apprentice would since I got to keep Hookworth Stables cared for and still keep up my sword training with Mister Aren, but I can do some work, or maybe pay in coin.
Reckon that means just while Beoda's so busy at the farm I'll be too busy too, so I guess our courtship will go a bit slower for a while. Which is going to be hard as I want to see her more than ever, but as much as that aches me, as much at it feels the worst time to be totally alone again, it can't be a pebble to a mountain of what Miss Brynleigh must be hurting now. I hope she's all right, and safe. I wish I could be some help to her, but I reckon there's no one what could.
