Yesterday was blessedly peaceful and quiet, free of trouble and tragedy. If only more days could be so.
I stumbled upon my dear friend, Belodin, once again in the Prancing Pony. And who should he be sitting with? None other than Aallan! I forgot briefly that they had met before, all those months ago, but they were chatting like old friends, and I was more than happy to join them. As ever, Belodin is gracious and amusing company, his eyes twinkling with humor and mischief, though one can see the weary years weighing upon him if one looks close enough. The child, Amanda, was sitting off alone by the fire, so we bade her to come and join us.
I worry for her. Her sister supposedly looks after her, but she is oft alone in the inn, and that is not healthy for a child. But, what can be done about it? My friends and I try to keep an eye on her, but beyond that, our hands are somewhat tied.
Amanda seemed rather shy of Belodin at first. I suppose he is an intimidating sight to a child, with his long, ornamented beard and strange adornments. He was so gentle and sweet with her, eventually engaging her in a game of "I Spy", which quickly drove off her shyness.
Later that evening, I found myself standing alone before the hearth. All was quiet and peaceful, and it was pleasant to have some minutes to simply regard the dancing, leaping flames and let my mind wander.
I wondered where Tothrandir was. I pray he is safe. Thinking of him brings a sorrow that is bittersweet. Perhaps he'll find a way to send word, just letting me know that he is alive. If I ever hear that he has been killed, I'm afraid I will conclude that I am cursed, as Lainric suffered the same fate. And then I will be terrified for Conrob.
I return to writing after taking a moment to calm myself. I did not mean for my thoughts to take such a dark turn.
I find that, when my mind begins to wander, it does so with great enthusiasm, taking paths that stray towards the most random and odd destinations. Here I am now, thinking of Seaver, and his friend, Neyaa. I've not seen him since the night he told me he was withdrawing his offer to assist me with my "problem". Perhaps he's thought better of his acquaintance with me altogether. And still, there is a burden on my heart for him. I know he is not a man of happiness, nor of peace. His smiles are quick and effortless, and perhaps he fools many, perhaps even himself. Yet the truth remains that he is my kinsman. The same blood of Éorl is in our veins. And there is something in me, some...I don't even know how to define it....something that needles and festers within me, in regards to Seaver. I am a believer in Fate. I know that Béma guides the steps of my brothers and me. And I know that there is something unfinished with this man. Whether it involves me, or I am going to watch it from the sidelines, I don't know. His is an unfinished path. He is like a man following a road that leads to nowhere, and once the pavement has ended, he continues stubbornly forward, as if he can will the road to appear again simply by continuing to walk.
My philosophical side is awake, I see! I need another cup of tea if I am to continue in this pondering manner.
I have not forgotten the thoughtful offer of his friend (lover?) Neyaa, to assist her with her horses. But I have not heard from her, so I must assume I am not needed yet. I hope she didn't see me as some sort of threat to whatever relationship those two have together. I noticed the gentle glances and smiles that passed between them. I know those looks all too well.
I did not see Raven yesterday, and that worries me a bit. Perhaps he was simply resting after his ordeal. Or perhaps, he was caring for the man Ithelion, that he took home. I would call on him to check, but...I cannot. I cannot risk being alone with him again right now.
My ponderings before the fire in the tavern last night were eventually interrupted by the gentle voice of Aallan, who had appeared quietly beside me. It has been some time since he and I had a moment alone together, and we fell easily into our old banter, and I remembered why I was so fond of him. He asked again about my wedding plans, and I had to smile, wondering if he asks out of friendly curiosity or if there is ever a tinge of jealousy behind his questions. I don't wish him to be jealous, of course. I don't want him to suffer in any way, ever. But I do wonder.
My darling arrived, finally, though I was already growing heavy-eyed before the fire. He did not hesitate to join in the light-hearted conversation, and the two of them teased me without a shred of mercy. I must ask him to take a day away from his work soon, and I will do the same. We haven't had a day to simply go off and enjoy ourselves in quite some time, and though our nights are nothing short of sublime, I miss him during the sunlit hours. With spring approaching, perhaps another trek to the Shire is in order. I did sneak back there one day a week or so ago, and spent an afternoon snooping around Bywater, which is undoubtedly the prettiest place one can imagine! I found a few lovely spots that might do for the exchanging of our vows...ah, I blush even to think about it! One was upon a hill over looking the river, beneath a lovely, solitary tree. The other was a little bridge crossing the water. The view from both is quite incomparable! I believe I even spotted a rainbow as the sun lowered in the western sky. A happy omen, let us hope.
