In a Fix!
Why, I be in a royal fix now! I don' reckon I been makin' errors like this before, no sir-ree! I'm hunted up n' all banged up wi' tha' too, n' I'm startin' ter regre' me choices!
They ain' sended me ter proper prison due to me years in life! I reckon this place be much more sinister, a place fer young bucks like me ter 'ave our ways beaten ou' of us wi' hugs n' vegetables. They tryna make a man ou' o' me in this place, teachin' me farmin' n' gentlemen ways. By shucks i' ain' no use, n' this frilly collar is given me royal rashes n' me tunic's wedged up me hiney!
Ol' Nanny Tatters thinks I can do no wrong, so I kicked her. Her white-misty eyes never saw i' comin', n' I reckoned i' was my cunnin' tha' beat her in the end! I ain' havin' no one thinkin' I'm an innocen', n' ter think me cute is ter ge' yerself whacked! I go' all the dangers of any man or beas', n' I'll be sharp in me usage o'em.
Throughou' these lonesome days I were shovin' all sorts down me tigh' tunics, cause their weren' no rooms for them to slip down righ' through me onto the floor. I were packin' all sorts o'goods; spoons, sweets, parsnips, why, you go n' name i' n' I'll tell yer I lifted i'! N' I were tradin' them for other things too; like sweets, parsnips and spoons! I reckon the trade deals are shadey n' low, n' i' gets me heart a thudderin' when I strike the deal like a true Brigand!
I'm jus' waitin' fer the wind ter change, n' I reckon tha' same wind will send me up flyin' ter the clouds n' away from this orchard fer the vile n' poor! When tha' breeze is righ' I'll ligh' ou' fer the territory, the wilderlands me pauses between shenangians! I'll go back to Pap, cos he named me Snide n' Snide I am! He get's me n' he beats me for i' if he can catch me, n' now I knows why. Simply said square, it's because Pap knows who n' what I am. I canna be fixed straight n' he knows i' too. I'll break all things ter my likin' till Middle-Earth be done wi' the likes o' me.
