I continue to linger in Bree as my initial panic concerning Xanir has abated into a quiet anxiety, gnawing at me in ways that I cannot explain or dismiss. He has continued to ignore the summons Xandilif sent him...but because he does not wish to respond or because he cannot remains to be seen.
This morning in a hired room in Bree I heard Xandilif's voice, distant but strong, as I stood at the mirror. It seems she is patrolling Anorien again to pass the time as her comrade Raand "goes with Dwarves", whatever that means. I sensed in her the shade of a concern regarding Xanir, which caused me all the more anxiety. If the Banshee is also growing worried by his silence then perhaps I have done the right thing to linger here, awaiting some word. I continue to hold to the trust that should he be in real danger he would make for Bree or at least stop here seeking word from Xandilif or myself. To go seeking him too far afield would simply lower my chances of actually finding him.
That was made all the clearer to me as I discussed the matter with a Halfling woman called Avi and her companion, a woman of Bree she called Fritzi. I found their perspective to be highly informative and for a time we discussed the current situation in Bree and the personal habits of amorous corsairs, not to mention the best way to tell the difference between men from a low vantage point. After I felt somewhat at ease in their company I shared with them my dream and Avi began musing over all the areas near Bree where Goblin's might be found, including the forsaken ruins of Fornost. She had a great deal of local knowledge, so the list was dauntingly considerable, longer then I remembered when I briefly tarried here in years past. There is no way that I could patrol all of those varied locations myself in any period shorter than several weeks. When I mentioned Trestlebridge she informed me the place was near overrun by the agents of shadows, Orcs and Goblins both which I suspected from my travels there of late but had not realized was common knowledge. Perhaps in his desire to help he heard the same news and had gotten mixed up into the horror and bloodshed that such an infestation must bring? When I rode through the area yesterday, remembering the path from long ago, I saw or heard no sign of my brother...though I did indeed slay a few Goblin's who sought to waylay me at a crossroads. The last of them failed to react to my queries about Xanir before he perished of his wounds, seemingly unaware of any elf held captive by his fellows...so while no new hope was gained, no hope was extinguished either.
After Avi and her companion took their leave I fell into conversation with a young Halfling called Dogward of all things, and a daughter of Gondor called Fillegedhiel, or Fille as she urged me to call her. As the two drank we spoke of many things and I found myself unburdening myself for some reason regarding both Xanir and Xandilif, as well as my own recent campaigns and fear for the future of the West. They were both new to the road and I fear my own wearyness did them little good, as they were already deeply daunted by the challenge they saw before them, the unknown foes which awaited them and the horrors that could well darken their remainder of their days. If one such as I, with so much time and experience beyond them, felt that things seemed hopeless, then they would be foolish indeed if they did not reconsider the import of their actions and both were quite wise despite their youth. Dogward especially was a splendid little fellow, filled with a burning desire to do good, but as of yet no idea of what that could entail. He spoke of fighting off wolves and bears in his homeland, then of the encroachment of Orcs and Goblins as though those were the worst horrors he could imagine. My soul weeps to know how many worse terrors and horrors he will yet confront, but did not have the heart to tell him much of them. He must walk his own path and learn his own lessons.
I did my best to bolster the spirits of them both and impart upon them the need to hold fast to the light within them as well as to their loved ones and companions, and their hearts seemed to ease even as mine grew melancholy. Was I simply encouraging them to rush out to their dooms when they would be best served by returning home and cherishing what days remained to them in peace? In truth, I do not think I could persuade them to seek safety as all around them the drums of war beat, so perhaps it is better then that I steel their resolve to face whatever their fate's may hold.
As we talked of travels and fears I found my heart touched by young Fille, so young but so filled with a desire to make her mark on a dying world. Perhaps I saw in her a shade of my own past, forced by a feeling of duty and rejection to abandon the refuge of my girlhood. I was drawn to her story of filial rejection and a desire to make her own way despite what she said was parental scorn. She hailed once from Dol Amroth, a city I know so well now, so it was easy for me to picture the stern, paternal Swan Knight she holds such anger for now. A young woman with the rage and uncertainty of a girl. How much like a teardrop is her life...if I blinked it would be gone before I knew it had been there. Her steadfast, innocent belief that more awaited her than her harsh father could imagine moved me. Perhaps she affected me all the more because I saw a flash of her future and would save her from the harsh realities of such a destiny if I could. In addition, in her words I felt a shadow of something darker than familial strife inspiring her flight from Dol Amroth but she did not speak of it and she grew weary before I could press to know more. A discussion for another night, it would seem.
In the meantime I will keep her secrets and aid her if I can as she chases her destiny, for I could easily feel that her role in my story is not over. Sitting with Fille before the dying fire, she eased my need for trusted companionship, as did the simply truths of Dogward and the homely wisdom of Avi.
A day of progress and building new ties as I had hoped for when I left the House of Three Graces...but still no Xanir.
