Diary,
How is it possible to feel this way? To be elated yet so miserable? I feel as though I am walking on clouds as I drown.
I am leaving. My family need me back home. Something has happened, though the letter I received did not specify what it was. They need be to be there as soon as possible. I don't want to leave Bree, my friends, my surrogate family, or Tim. But I must. I have no choice. My family has asked something of me, and I cannot refuse them. But no matter how strong my resolve, I am still saddened to leave.
I told Tim, and began crying almost immediately. I couldn't ask him to leave his life behind for me. Not when I would come back. So that was when he asked me, or rather struggled. He pulled out a ring, and began stuttering out a question. It took me some moments to realise what he meant, but the answer flew from my lips the very second I understood. Yes I would wear that ring. I will never take it off. We are to be married before I leave, hopefully with as many of the Dawn present as possible.
And so I am left with this depressed joy. This thorny flower of emotions going through my brain. Am I happy that I am engaged? Or sad that I must leave for a time? I know not how long I will be gone, but I am determined I will return. Should not one of these conflicting feelings over rule the other? Or should they cancel each other out? This mixture of emotions has left me confused and worried, and I shall never know what is the correct way to feel.
I have my fears over the wedding. Tim wants me to take his family name. We don't have family names back home, and I have never seen the point in it. Why do I need to add to my name to show that I love Tim? Why must I take his name? If I had a family name, why can't he take mine? I have never met another Katnya, nor another Tirmegil. Why must we need extra names to determine which one we are? I have resolved to speak with him about it, though I am worried he will be hurt.
Rin also knows, we have yet to tell others within the Dawn. The poor girl seems to have a lot going on. She can't find Skelcar, and knows not where he is, and has other problems she has promised to keep secret. It saddens me to see her struggle with so much. As such, she had to say no to being a bridesmaid, she can't deal with that as well, which I understand. I do not know who else to ask, with the possible exception of Tal.
Life has taken a sudden turn, I hope I am ready to face it.
