My mind keeps drifting back to Meredith. I have to make up an image in my mind of what she'd look like, for my father and brothers made sure I never saw her. The only thing I can remember is the bloody mass of blankets being taken away from me, and Theo standing next to me telling me not to worry. At the time, I didn't know what was wrong. I think I get it now, though. Meredith wasn't crying, no matter how many times the midwife would spank her.
Eventually my father and Ealbrand left the room with the bundle, and I later found out that she had died. I didn't ask for any details, if they even knew them, I just holed myself up in my old bedroom and would not come out. There was a doll I had gotten someone to make for her, and that was the only comfort I could find. It was small, with hair pulled into pig tails. I think the tailor had used horse hair, but I am not sure.
That is when I left Rohan and came back. I needed to leave, to just get out. Meredith's grave was behind the house, it haunted me. I swear I could hear a baby laughing, or crying, whenever I was outside. It probably was another's baby but I simply couldn't stand it anymore. My family watched me with pity and sorrowful eyes, and I just wanted to get out.
I did say goodbye before I left, I owed them that much. They understood, I think, and bid me a sad farewell. I will always miss my family, and I will always miss Meredith, but Cliving had become nothing but a haunting ghost town to me. I still hear or see her, even in Bree. I'll turn a corner and I swear I see a little girl who, for some reason, I just know is Meredith. She still haunts me, even here, and I cannot escape it. I have dreams where she appears, crying and covered in blood, and when I wake up I often cannot sleep for the rest of the night.
I'm sure if I told anyone I was being haunted by my dead child, they'd find me utterly crazy, so I haven't told anyone. I don't think I ever will tell anyone, for that matter.
