You can see a lot from on top here, perched quietly upon the roof of town, in the tranquil still of the night. From these ruins I can imagine the river of sand such as which my past flows, incredibly towards some uncertain end. Why do I feel this surpassing doom tower ahead? Perhaps. Perhaps I'm desperate prodding in the dark for something that might never be found.
I feel I need to stay away from the Pony a while. Today, walking past an obnoxious dwarf, I got accused for taking his damn purse? I can't bare this anymore. I truly and honestly can't. I apologize, perhaps this irritation is wearing me thin. Perhaps it's because of too much drink. Perhaps it's because I've not seen the mother of my unborn child in what feels like eternity. Perhaps. Perhaps I just need not be there where I was, alone and wondering if I'd ever see her again. That might be why I've been drowning myself in ale those last few months. That might be why I need to slow down on the alcohol. It's not going to be easy. I know...
Taala seems concerned for me as well as Amoryl, and I'm glad. At least with them I don't seem to be chasing another skirt. Something that damn watchman, Corrben, thinks I'm rather proficient in. Is it wrong for me to garner a bit of glee out it? It's amusing, really. Piperel was the first person to have made me smile since... since I last saw Evangelline. I miss her you know. So much sometimes. Is it then still wrong for me to want to try and feel happy even for just how fleetingly, for us just to enjoy each other's company, me and Pip?
Tosie was in the Pony again today. I was glad to see her. It was nice to just relax around her last time, letting all the troubles I had just wash a way for a while. I feel sorry for her, makes me think back upon another girl who also could not speak. Corrben and herself went out to the hearth at the back to talk, probably. I didn't want to bother them. They seemed to be getting along well. I still do posses, even if that bastard would never admit it, some form of dignity.
I saw Pip again today, tried to teach her to hold a blade, just to spend time with each other outside of the messhall. She looked lovely. I smiled when I saw her. I... I'm scared this might become more than just physical attraction. I still can't get her sparkling green eyes out of my damn mind, ha.
