To think, I believed this is to be a safe and quiet place where I could recover in near solitude! How wrong could I be?
The day started off well enough. Routine as usual. It all went wrong in the afternoon, though.
I had just finished cleaning the main room and was standing looking around to see if there was anything I had missed when the door crashed open. It near came off its hinges and gave me such a fright! I turned to see a huge man standing in the doorway, wearing tatty clothing, his hair and beard a wild mess and with the ugliest sword I had yet laid eyes on strapped to his hip.
He did not pause for introductions or any other pleasantry, instead launching into an interrogation over whether this was still the house of Baradar, where he was, who I was and if he and I were together! It took a goodly while before he remembered his manners and told me that he was Baradar's elder brother.
When he eventually left, my heart was still thumping from the shock of it all.
I was just settling down when the door knocked. I had not been expecting anyone to come by this day so I was a little surprised. Moreso when it turned out the one knocking was a hobbit. The locals had all given my a wide berth and many funny looks as they saw me passing, for which I could not blame them, so for one to come knocking at the door was strange indeed. Still, I invited him in. I wish I had not.
His first order of business was to look me over suspiciously for weapons and make a series of snippy remarks and wild accusations. Imagine thinking me a murderer! I have never hurt anyone in my life, much less killed them, but that did not prevent the hobbit in question from accusing me of it! It turned out he had been there to see that little scene in the ruins with Davick some months back with the dummy. It also turned out that he had long since been aware of the fact that it had been a dummy and not a real person, not that he cared. I was clearly a terrible person and that was that!
He then proceeded to look around the room and insult my housekeeping skills. This place is spotless! There is not a speck of dust to be found anywhere but it seems that was not good enough for him.
His next order of business was to declare that I was far too skinny and demand to know when was the last time I had eaten. Baradar, it seemed, had asked him to look after me whilst he was away. Annoyed by now, I refused to answer and so he decided that he was going to cook for me! I was sorely tempted to ask if he planned to cut it into bite-sized portions and spoon feed me as well!
I was feeling insulted, upset, beleagured and now he was treating me like a child, as if I was unable to cook for and feed myself. Still, I tried to be polite since he was a friend of Baradar. When he asked me what I prefered and said that his leaving was not an option, I told him that he could stay for as long as he wished and walked out myself.
He came running after me, all smiles and apologies. After a while, I calmed down a bit and reluctantly agreed to go back with him to the house. He declared a wish to "start over" as he thought, quite rightly, that we had gotten off on the wrong foot.
We talked a while after that, during which time he told me more of Baradar, made it perfectly clear that I was not to be trusted and implied that I am ugly. I know that I am far from being the prettiest person in the lands and that my scars do nothing to improve my looks, but still! Was there really any need to say so?
By the time he left, I had come to the conclusion that I really do not like him. I shall also be having words with Baradar upon his return. I know that he only did this because he cares and wants me to feel safe and settled, but I am a full grown woman. I may not have had the easiest of lives thus far, but so what? I had been living alone and on the run for a long time before I met Bearn and, fine, I had not exactly done a great job of it but I had survived had I not?
All these people, all these men, I know who claim that they want me to "get better" as if I am sick somehow. All these men who say they want me to become strong and be able to go out into the world without fear and what do they do? Treat me as if I am a child and, when they cannnot do sonething for me themselves, they get someone else to do it. Just how am I meant to establish some independance and start ruling my own life if they refuse to let me?
