Arriving back in Bree was a new experience, all who had known me before had expected me to immediately pick up my games, but I felt an urge to retire from them. Madness had inflicted upon me a sense of self discovery, I had to explore those images of myself and my insides insisted it was to be the man that stood without armour, the one who lived as common folk. I had always been unable to hold together a normal tongue, speak with others regarding the every day subjects that they found comfort in, my lack of understanding to this often meant I spoke so differently to them and there meanings lost on me. I had cause to find someone to better test waters, someone else with a different view than those that mustered in the Pony.
My search bestowed upon me the Lady Ilaru. She is but a small and fragile thing and spends a large amount of her time wondering Bree and its surrounding land, content with her own thoughts. This scarred little girl began as what I called an experiment, to see if I truly could enter this world without all of my conflicts, yet to me, she became so much more than I expected.
I met her frequently and she was always welcoming, even if I entered the mess hall, where our meeting began, blood soaked from a conflict I had at the time with a beast named Conrar, she still greeted me with warmth. Irony in all its humor, brought me full circle, where I began my new life in Bree with discussions over Tea with Hammarwolf so many years ago, this new life I sought again discussed over Tea, now with Ilaru. I recall how I pondered this at the time, I waited until the very last moment to drink, for I was familiar now with the vile taste of tea. I knew not the subjects to discuss but she was helpfull enough to keep the conversations in full flow. We spoke of each others history, I gave a brief, non detailed version of mine and yet for some time, she would reflect away from her own, a hand gesture to wave the questions off or a change on subject to turn the questions back to me always suggested so much more, it was in fact these actions, I found spoke more off truth than if she had simple answered directly. One prime example would be, for she waved off so much, the attention grew to her hands, to which were always covered by glove, even when sat next to a fireplace. Yet I had come to know her as a friend and I did not wish to push her away, so i did not pry to much.
Eventually she came to trust me enough to speak of herself, the discovery of her Angmarim birth did not come to surprise me, nor did it have any passing second thought where it would have had others persecute. Fact of the matter is, I know her to be here now and of a good nature yet she discredits such notions despite a large number who visit her seeking her ear to converse, she offers warmth and comfort to them all and appears not to expect any return. A face she presented to the world yet I so easily saw through. Her lips spoke different lines to her eyes.
I began to wonder my selfish approach to Lady Ilaru, this woman who offers so much to so many but takes nothing in return. I would watch her from the few rooftops my age allows me to access, how she seems to say one thing to please her company but when alone, she clearly cries for another. Not one person who visited her cared to tend her real need, behind her wall of reflections, it was clear she sought someone to pay her true attention as she had so many before and not simply inquire as a politeness before they filled her mind of their own troubles. I did appoint myself to take an approach to which I held more concern for her than my own needs, the experiment had lost its meaning, but my dear Lady Ilaru had not. Once I even told her how I value our conversations, and I also knew that she did not always speak openly in return.
My visits to her changed places, now upon the Scholars Stair, we would stand in admiration of the view it allowed us, talking so much about our torments of the past and making fun of each others quirks, for between the two of us, we had so many. We spent many nights in that placing, just stood talking with one another and I enjoy it each time, a fond memory being when we took a walk to Far Chetwood, the place I had made camp for myself some years before, we sat together upon a rock and she openly told me of her past, how others had abused her, and how she was the killer of another. Yet I found myself admiring her, where I have killed before, many times, I never wore the guilt for it as she did, and she did have greater reason to cause this death. We sat on that rock all night, and when morning, once again, as I always did, I disappeared with no more than a bow and a thank you. To me, and my smith self, her presence was humbling to us and could with great ease have spent my remaining days in her company.
Yet as it always is with my kind, our time was growing short, talk of Bree's latest servings came as a duo, A Legion and Knights, these powers grew through Bree with haste, at first i had no concern of their war with each other, i merely observed it from a distance. Then later the tales of corruption from the Knights and worse, how Legion sought nothing but destruction of my home land, i had to consider my position in Bree.
My hopes were to leave them be, but their war was now spread across the streets, the corruption had swept to most i knew, my thoughts that Bree would just eventually turn its cycle and swallow them facing dire concern, it was against the will of the good man i had hoped to become. I began to turn, once again to that Darkness to find the answers.
Shortly after, i made an even worse discovery, this Legion had some plot that involved Ilaru and i could not allow whatever they planned to remove my now dearest of friends, but as an unarmoured citizen, i could not do as i needed, i could not stand to fight, i had to remove that part of me, or hide it. Hide all weakness in the eyes of any warrior and hope to recover it once these new found duties had passed, but never did they pass.
I came to assess my new enemies, the Knights had such great number that even I could not hope to pull them apart piece by piece and should there leader fall, to many able men would just rise in their place. Worse still, I could not hope to raise my own force, too long was I away in Forochel to hold influence enough to band together even a small reckoning. This time I hoped, was not to simply disarm those currently in power, but to ensure those rising in its place, would remain worthy so I need not call upon my darkness again. I would come to face Bree's own cycle, the ever consuming cycle that swallows the history of legends.
My next meeting with Ilaru was clearly no longer on the same tone, I spoke to her as if she merely an informant, I pushed her for information, angered when she did not provide or spoke against me taking back my sword and armour. She did not speak against my course of actions because I had hidden myself from her, nor the fact that I no longer wore the garments she had made for me to take the place of my armour months before. She argued the genuine loss of her friend. I could not bear it, to be this way with her, but I require distance. I had to keep her away so that my mind was clear to do the dirty work of Bree, the work I know she would not agree with. It tore the heart from my chest to be like this, the monster I have always been. The cold wretched version of me, how she does not understand how I call upon it, to sacrifice myself for this dark soul within me, allowing it to take control so that I may better face my new war.
Yet one thing remains, that it cannot touch. I still hold her in my heart, my good friend, Lady Ilaru.
