My brother is okay, thank the Valar! I met him today, as I was sat speaking to my father. But though both my brother and father are well, their words are worrying.
At first father told me he has grouped up with his own mother, Iverwen, and Ostui - the widower of my grandfathers sister (and hence one of Loor and Naurliths three children) - have grouped up to take Naurlith down, under Craigns command. He attempted to calm me, kept telling me they will be careful and that they WILL make it, but in my mind his plans aim to nothing but failure. And even if not, the risks are too high. I might lose my own father, whom I have only known for a few weeks now, and my grandmother who I have never even met. Father told me he told Iverwen about my existance though. She was surprised, understandingly, but happy about it. And as for Ostui he has shown me none but proof of not being worth trusting. I know I was on the Legions side then, and that he is clearly still against them, but nonetheless what I saw of him were skills of deciet and lies. He made his way in, and nearly managed to leave with what he wanted.
As if this wasn't enough Albillion told me the Sunset Knights have declared open war against the Legion, and he is their main target. I tried to calm him though, explained that at least I have their protection due to the information I once gave Craign. Suprisingly, and confusing me alot, this raged my brother. He didn't care that my actions have kept him alive so far but simply hated me for cooperating with the enemy. Just a few days ago he very clearly told me he wishes to take Naurlith down, and now this? I don't know what to believe about my brother anymore... He never fails to confuse me. But nonetheless I have decided that I cannot stay here. Either I am safe or not, he is not. Especually not as he have returned to Bree.
What also worries me, mixing the words of my father and brother, is the fact that they are on different sides. Father has sworn not to touch Albillion, but nonetheless he will bring those he sides with to the Legion - and Albillion. He might not intend to hurt him, but they do... I feel that I have to do something, but no matter what I do I have to pick a side, which is the last thing I wish to do. But I am afraid I will have to go against all my values, all who I love, in order to protect Albillion. He needs me, more then ever...
But at least Caer was there to calm me down. Not long after father left, he came. He was actually looking for me, it seemed. At first I wasn't sure what to think, if he was there by own will or due to feeling some kind of responsability of taking care of me, but nonetheless I was glad he was. I get nervous around him though... I can't explain it. I'm normally shy, but around him it just gets worse. He keeps encouraging me to smile, to keep my head up, but I almost feel unworthy around him. He asked me to come back to Bree with him, to my great delight, but wished to keep me hidden in that case, wanted me to promise to never be alone and always be careful. But I couldn't accept that. I would go back to Bree either way, to stay near my brother of course. Naurlith has so far never shown outside the house, so I figured as long as I don't go there, and as long as I stay away from her faithfuls, there should be no danger to it. And if Craign keeps to his words neither should the Knights be. But eventually... I don't know what happened. It got too... Intimate. Too close. Too personal, maybe? I snapped, somehow. And pulled away from him, deciding I better leave. If he is still here in the morning I will find him, and go back to Bree with him. If not I guess I will just go on my own. Or, not at all...
I recieved a letter from Kelinor, telling me he is currently located in the woods around Rivendell, telling me how much me misses me, showing how much he cares and begging me to reply... I don't know what to do. He's a monster, what he did to me and the baby... It cannot be forgotten, or forgiven. But even so, the temptation to go find him is getting to me. It has been what now? A week or so? Maybe he means no harm after all, maybe this will be a chance for me to get some answers...
Ithilwien
