Dear fellow merchants of Bree-land,
I, Frimsi Gembeard, should like to address the most interesting predicament Constable Bolger of Staddle has brought to my attention. He has requested us to beseech the Mayor to send more constables to protect Staddle, not because Staddle is in any imminent danger, mind you, but instead because the local hobbit farmers won't stop bothering our dear Constable Bolger about their worries of an entirely imagined imminent brigand raid. Constable Bolger does not believe Staddle is in any real danger, but he insists that the local hobbit farmers will not shut up until they have some visible assurance of their safety.
A most interesting predicament! But I for one have great respect for Constable Bolger, as he has diligently performed his duties for a long time without getting much in return. And I also have great respect for the local hobbit farmers of Staddle, as they provide much of the food that Bree needs to be the bustling center of trade that it is! And we need to address their concerns so they can keep working to provide this much needed food as Bree continues to grow into an ever larger city of trade with an ever larger appetite. So I should like to propose a solution to this interesting predicament that shall leave all parties satisfied. Sending an entire company of constables to fight imaginary brigands sounds far too expensive for my liking. So I instead propose to send exactly one constable, while "emphasizing" his uniquely excellent brigand-fighting experience and capabilities. And I like to think us merchants are the best at "emphasizing" the virtues of any provided service. This way we shall address the concerns of our dear hobbit farming friends in Staddle at minimal cost to the town's coffers. What is a better deal than that?
Yours Truly,
Frimsi Gembeard
