I am unsure why I shared so much tonight.
Normally I do far better shoving questions off.
a wave of anxiousness came over me as I finally admitted to someone other than my thoughts that those kids deserve far better than I as a sibling. For what had I shown them? Nothing but to lie, cheat, and steal their way through living and to selfishly make a way for myself alone. Being a scholar barely pays enough for my own self to live, I should have become a soldier, perhaps then I could provide more than I can now from that job alone.
But no.
I brought the water to my face with shaky hands, looking back into the reflection of a self made monster. For what could I do?
The thief and killer I am is what brings me enough to provide for them all...
My mind pulls back to the letter. I have no right to speak of this Lynwelyn's moral choices, but that would set us for life. I could finally afford a bigger house and be able to get them tutors and raise them better than I have.
But why does it hurt? It wouldn't be the first time I've sunk so low.
Most of the others were greedy, selfish nobles, needing an end to be brought for the less fortunate.
There's been times I've stolen, killed for much less, why does it hurt???
I need my hands to stop shaking
