April 15
As she sits warming up near the campfire while wrapped tightly in a cloak Emma smiles a little to herself. That first jump had been exhilarating, of course jumping off the rocks into the water usually was. The second jump, the failed backflip that had turned into a belly flop still stung. Of course, after rescuing her, Atharann had made more of a fuss than necessary, but Emma had not protested. He seemed to enjoy the fussing and there was no harm in it. That is not until he had insisted that she go to Winnie. Then she had firmly stood her ground that she was fine.
As Dandy sleeps nearby and Ryheric and Atharann do whatever they are doing, Emma’s thoughts begin to wander. So much had happened in the last month. In some ways it seemed so much longer than a month.
For all of her life, at least as far back as she could remember, Emma had known she would never really belong to herself. She had a role to fill, a duty, one that she felt unfit for, one she would fill anyway. So she had clung tightly to something she could keep for herself. Her thoughts, opinions, and feelings. She guarded them closely, and rarely shared them.
Yet, since her time with the clan started she found two things. The new feelings were stronger, more intense than any she had felt before, and she was no longer equipped to box them up and keep them for herself. When she tried, the feelings leaked out anyway. The others mostly seemed ready to share their feelings and support each other where needed, and share their joys. They expected the same from her. By keeping them to herself she was hurting the others. Maybe she was hurting herself too.
So, she took the plunge, not unlike jumping off that cliff, and intentionally started sharing her feelings and opinions. Sometimes just answering when asked instead of sidestepping the questions. Sometimes even volunteering her thoughts in conversation. Sometimes it was fairly easy. Other times it felt forced. She said things that were dumb. Sometimes she was even confronted about the dumb stuff she said.
As she let go, she intentionally gave the clan the only things that had ever truly been hers; she found the results also similar to jumping off that cliff. Sometimes it was beautiful and exhilarating, and sometimes it was a belly flop that stung. There was however one constant. The clan accepted her. She belonged to them.
As she lays down next to the fire and starts to drift off to sleep she breathes out a sigh of wonder and awe. When she finally gave in, she had expected that she would feel spent and used up and sometimes she did. However, she realized that more often she was bolstered, encouraged, and strengthened.
