Dear diary, it is a strange thing, waking up. And I don't mean the awakening, that comes at Dawn's first light. No, I mean being fully aware, of everything around me for the first time. I've tried to tell myself that I was awake for months. That I saw every heart, every face, in this company in this 'clan' of ours. The past can be such a trap. A tired, tired, trap. Even more so, with my pondering mind. Patterns, habits, such silly, silly, things. My eyes are sharp, which should make me more aware. Not less. If I guard my heart, it will be safer, however, if I guard it viciously, like a dragon hoarding treasure. It might just make me colder than ever. That is a fear of mine. To become cold, to become a husk. I was that way, for a little while, before I woke up. Before that damnable bard, broke through the walls I put up. I do not fully understand, how one man, could see through me so easily. It is.. intimidating at best. Am I so obvious? That it takes little effort for him to see right through me?
Maybe, that's why, we are friends. I read people too, but only when I am awake. Only, when I am watching. Distractions.. are only excuses. Excuses to run, excuses to hide, and I've been hiding for a very, very, long time. Cat and mouse, yes, cat and mouse. Nan always told me, that if I wasn't careful. I'd get caught into a 'Fowler's Snare.' but it's not someone else's duty to save me. I will be alright. One day at a time...
