Life, is a vicious cycle, we are born, we grow, and we die. That is not to say I've never had joy in my life. I've learned to take happiness in the little things. I've tried to make sense of my own suffering, yes. Suffering. It breeds endurance and endurance breeds understanding. Or that's what I try to tell myself. I have moments where I feel brave and then moments where I am a stupid, helpless, child again. I struggle to understand myself sometimes. I know others do too. Perhaps that's why they come and they go. I try so hard not to appear vulnerable in this new land. Vulnerability just brings a higher chance of people taking precious things away from you. But what happens when it's someone you think you could trust? In my case it ended in betrayal. I hope the crows feast on Negath's flesh one day. I could have tried to escape on my own again, but the thought of having someone with a similar agenda was just too tempting. Negath would look after Salin, while I found work in our new home.
She told me that in the Northern lands many women work as what they called 'Barmaids.' Not concubines, not slaves, just women who would serve drink and food to earn their keep. By their own choice. Such a thing was appealing to me. The thought of having a choice at all was new to me. But I should have known better. Negath is a cunning woman for such a lowly position. She could not have children herself and so she saw it fit to take mine.
I do not care what I must do to see her, I do not care if the guards throw me in jail for plucking that the eyes out of that charlatan's head. If Zeld has need of her and I must pay his price too, so be it. The first time I held little Salin in my arms. I knew that I would give anything to protect her. I would not have my daughter become a source of pleasure against her will. No, she will be a strong girl. That would be equipped for every challenge that the world gives.
I only wish that she could have been Nithron's girl too. Not Zeld's. I do not know what became of Rhyeric. He claimed that he would kill him one day. But I am not so sure about the last time we met. What I told him just barely scratched the surface. In what way did he value me? Did he value me at all? Or did he simply just hate Men such as Zeld? I may never know. Ancestors preserve me as I continue this slippery slope. I fear it is only the beginning of my troubles.
