I write this in my journal because I want to believe all will end well. No, I need to think all will end well. But if it doesn’t and we don’t return from our upcoming journey, I write this where I know it will be discovered by our secret abhorring daughter. If we are gone too long, I know she will go snooping and find my journal carefully hidden from her in plain sight among the estate’s ledgers that I keep at home. Like Egfor, she hates numbers, so she promptly ignored them when she found out this stack was my financial ledgers.
Egfor is slowly turning into what I think might be a dragon. And it is all the fault of that base-born egotistical kin slaying elf and that cursed artifact he brought into our lives. Okay, when he admitted the truth, I forgave him a little. But now, we are preparing to go on a journey that may end in our deaths or worse. What could be worse? My lover becoming the dragon, it seems this curse is trying to turn him into. His dreams suggest the dragon that killed at least one dwarf in recent history is trying to create a mate through the stone.
At first, I had hoped Egfor would be fine if we returned the dragon’s gem to it. But now, I don’t think that is an option. Now I think we need to kill her. Why do I say her? Because Egfor is a male. It could still be a male, in which case it will kill Egfor when he is completely changed. Yet another thing I don’t wish to think about. To Mordor with that elf.
I yelled at Thor for his even suggesting we won’t come back, but I know it is in the back of all our minds. Killing a dragon is not like killing a boar; dangerous, accurate, but quickly done if you know what you are doing. Mum has tons of books on dragon lore. I have read them all, they were fascinating creatures, and unlike my Mum, I didn’t believe any lived. Now she has her proof, and I am left adrift, wanting to doubt, hoping I am asleep having some odd nightmare caused by a bit of rotten food making me ill, so I don’t realize I am dreaming. (This is a nod to my favorite book to read in December. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.)
I am scared. I have made arrangements with Oser to take care of our children should something happen to us. She and Rae will be good parents to them, perhaps better than us. Certainly better for Syl and Ella, maybe not for Em, but I imagine Em will go and live with Kim. I am also scared it is too late for Egfor to come back to us. But that doesn’t matter to me. I will stay with him now and forever, even if these changes are permanent. It will be a trial, but I have had worse things to face in my life.
May the gods be on our side. For the first time in my life, I hope they hear my prayers and act quickly. If Egfor dies and I do not, I don’t want to live. You, my dear children, if you are reading this, please forgive me. I do love you too.
