Madaurbeth,
I cannot escape the feelings of frost in me. Why do I feel so distant? I feel as if I have been drifting apart from everyone I care about. Demlemoth and I hardly speak anymore. Egfor and I are closer, but something is still dividing us. I have nearly given up on trying to bond with Liath and Helmwod. I try, but I feel no spark. I feel so nervous around Ristiinna, like something is wrong and I cannot fix it, no matter how hard I try. I always enjoy spending time with Syllea, she is a relief to me, but she is so seperated from everything else.
And Nimraph.
Since telling him of the Library, the worst has happened. He stays at the library, I stay at my house. I watch Dammon during most of the day. And while I love the time we spend together, Nimraph and Briar stay elsewhere. Why? Why has Nimraph grown distant from me? Can we not all stick together, our family? I would rather take being haunted by my father in that library than the distance I feel right now. Have I upset him? We need to talk. I need to ask him if I have upset him so much that he does not want to be with me. I want to stand side by side with him, eat with him, sleep with him. And I want our sons together. And when the time comes, I want our twins together.
Why can't we have that right now? Is it me? Please let it not be so. I crave the closeness we once shared.
We have a plot of land for a house. Can we simply all live together there? Please?
I need Nimraph, and I need my family, more than anything.
~ Eira.
