I had a nightmare… I've relived the Hornburg countless nights, and this pales in comparison to the true fear I felt last night.
I came home from working in the fields to see Dem with another man, all my possessions were replaced with this stranger's. It was as if I never existed. He called this strange man his prince, his love, his husband. I could only watch with tears running down my face as I watched them…
I know he wouldn't, but some part of me, buried deep down, still fears this outcome.
Perhaps this nightmare is stressed induced. I can feel the lack of time together is causing strain and stress. I just need some time with him to reassure myself.
I'm starting to wear thin with all that is going on. I cannot help Eira unless she helps herself. I am not some miracle cure, I am just giving her the tools to help herself, because ultimately, the only one who can help her, is herself. That is what Soothsayers do, give people the tools they need.
I feel the need to remind her she is not a prisoner, that she can indeed leave, but there is cost and consequences to it. I won't lie, I am worn of myself and Dem being vilified for reminding her of those consequences. Do I need to remind her I was held prisoner by a man for twenty years? And before that, by my father.
A few days is only that, a few days. Perhaps my age is showing. I worry if/when she gets with child from Nimraph, if she thinks the way she is living right now is restrictive… I am going to have to take a step back and withdraw myself if this continues, for my own mental health.
I have upset Dem so much lately, and this nightmare of mine will only make things worse. I cannot tell him. I will focus on our daughter's nightmare situation and hopefully let mine slip out of my mind.
