Acceptance

I missed you, but....

It isn't enough to make up for it, but..

She fingered the silver pendant, a sprig of lavendar delicately balanced between the points of a quarter moon.  The nicest jewelry she'd ever owned, so nice she knew she'd have to hide it  in public, lest someone think she'd stolen it.  She turned to the side, the skirts of the rich lavender colored gown kissing her legs with a pleasing flow of silks.

Her image in the mirror struck her as someone else.  Blonde hair piled atop her head in loose curls instead of the severe braids or the poofy waves they made when they just came out.  The slim, graceful figure of a woman, even to her own eyes.  It made her smile.

For a moment, she wished she could show her friends this her - the woman they told her they saw in her scruffy second hand leathers, dusty from the road or the stable.  Smudged and neatly tucked away as she'd learned to be.  But then, maybe this was just for her, after all.

Her Da brought her things too.  Every few months, when he came back.  Tokens to say he thought of her, when he was away doing the things that were important to him.  She cherished every moment she saw him, and the little gifts he brought her, like stolen moments of precious care that she tucked away in her heart for later.  She missed him.

She'd treasure these gifts too, and the moments that they gave her.  The tokens to say they cared about her, even if it was just this much.  She treasured them, for who they were.  Eager for the differences, to hear and learn from them.  And to contribute, herself, even in the little ways she could, to their lives too. They saw her, and they cared about her.  And she loved them fiercely for it, and for the people they were.

 After the day spent away on her ride, the day with Ry, talking and enjoying each others company, she'd felt calmer.  Easier, in many ways.  She left with so many questions, still, but with the light of pleasure and the surety that she'd have the chance to ask, and to tell, many things.

And on her return, she'd made her peace with Silver.  They'd talked, though really not much had been said in the end.  The gift, the calm acceptance.  She admired the woman still, and saw her more clearly yet.  

There was a peace, in the things that you knew.  

She would give herself to this new, exciting life.  To the changes for herself, within and without.  And she was determined never to stop caring, despite everything.  Silver would be who she was, and she would cherish the gift with the idea that she cared, even if it wasn't enough to do anything differently.

She was used to people with no interest in actual change giving her a consolation prize for not caring that much.