While Carria slept, Sera did not...
I knew it! I just knew something was up. I'd say my sense for when real trouble's brewin' be both a blessin' and a curse!
There's too many thoughts in my head and I can't get them all out. Can't tell mother because it'd get her worryin' about things and she doesn't need anymore of that. Can't tell Carria because she already has enough to fret about. Can't tell anyone else because I don't want them to think I'm some kind of ninny or an incompetent. Lettered people got it made. They can just pour all their thoughts out in a diary. Ugh! Can't think straight like this! Of course, the time when I need to think straight. Figures...
Focus, Sera, focus!
I'm... angry. I'm so angry about everything! Angry that I'm not what I need to be yet. I'm not good enough to protect Everslade, protect mother, or protect Carria from whatever's comin'. I'm angry that somethin' is even coming in the first place! Can't have a moment's peace without sommat coming and ruining it all!
I'm such a hypocrite, telling Carria not to worry while I'm lying here worryin' my fool head off.
I need to get better. I'm not gonna scoff at all the things those Rangers tried to teach me before. I will learn them, practice, and get better with my shivs and blades. Carria said that killin' is like an avalanche after you start. But after I knifed that fellow down in the Alley when I were still small, I can't find it in me to feel sorry about it or stop. And if it's for her and Ma and Rhody and everyone else... I don't mind it at all. I don't mind killin' for them.
Ugh! Go to sleep Sera! Can't very well get better when I'm dead on my feet....
Shut up head! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Let me sleep!
I really need to learn my letters faster so I can write these things out of my head. Even if I won't be able to spell to save my life for awhile. Anything to get all this... stuff out of my head so I don't have to unload it on everyone else.
Stop! Thinking! Sera! Sleep!
...
Eugh, please don't tell me that's the sun...
