16 September
To: Fortescue Thornstead
Combe
Dear Cousin Fort,
Forgive me for not answering your letters sooner than this. I know that if I were not such a lazy soul, I would saddle a horse and come to see you in person again. I do miss our days together at the Comb and Wattle, and the mischief we would find ourselves embroiled in after a few mugs of ale.
Uncle Oliver has informed me of your recent involvements with a young woman here in Bree, and thus exhorted me to "speak" to you. Why he thinks I am any sort of man to be scolding another when it comes to affairs involving the fairer sex, I am unsure. I was amused when he asked it of me, but I do not mind taking you under my wing, as one might say.
I'm certain you are aware of all that transpired between myself and the renowned Missus Turnbough. If you aren't, suffice it to say that she has gone her way, and I have gone mine. She does not pursue me any longer with her threats or her accusations. But do not be in doubt of this truth, Cousin; a woman scorned will not hesitate to tarnish the reputation of the man who has scorned her, even to an extent that his position in the community may never fully recover. This is where I find myself, even to this day. I am not unaware of the glances, the scowls, nor the way fathers and mothers subtly tug their daughters to the far side of the street when I walk past. I will not say that I am blameless and the most virtuous of men. I am certainly not. I have dug my own grave in some ways, and I must lay in it now and again. But the blight upon my character that was birthed by that woman's false word was not my fault nor my doing, yet I have to endure the consequences of it all the same.
It is becoming a peculiar thing to find a virtuous woman in this town. I cannot yet figure out the reason why. Perhaps men are taking the more sweet and wholesome girls at younger ages. Yet more and more, I find the unmarried women to have a certain hardness about them. They are jaded, cynical, and brash, even if they are still somewhat friendly and pleasant to speak to. Is there perhaps a lack of available suitors that has turned them into souls more bent on being competitive and impressive with their sharp tongues and rolling eyes? Where is the soft smile, the gentle visage, the sweetness of temper that all men are naturally drawn to?
There is a woman in particular who sticks out in my mind as I write this. She has approached me more than once now, and the subtle gestures and words designed to capture my attention and favor do not go unnoticed. She is not a great beauty, but like any healthy young woman, she is perfectly pleasant to look at. Her mind is sharp and her jokes witty. She spoke of unfortunate involvement with the "wrong" sort of men. When I advised her to avoid the company of such people, she countered that she finds them exciting. At that point, what is one to say? A woman insists that a candle flame hurts her finger, but refuses to remove her finger from its heat. I have met such women before, Cousin, and I suspect the woman that you are now trying to disentangle yourself from, may be of a similar nature. I have no doubt I would enjoy this woman's company behind locked doors in the dead of night. But would she then call me a rake to her friends the following morning? Would I become the newest tale of unsavory manhood that she imparts to the next sympathetic ear? I would not like to think so. I advised her more than once to learn from her experiences and choices. I certainly do not wish her any ill, and despite my wariness, I feel a certain warmth and wish to protect her from future heartache. She does not strike me as a woman who could lay with a man and not wish something more from him, and so I will strive to maintain my distance. For my sake as much as hers.
There is no simple answer here. My advice on what you should do depends much on yourself, your mind, your heart, and what you are able to bear without becoming bitter or frustrated. There is a certain, indefinable "something" that you must look for in a potential wife. I have never sought to put such thoughts into words, so do forgive me if I struggle now to do so. If it is not a wife you seek, but only a bed warming partner, then of course, your parameters may be looser and less impeccable. However, I would strongly caution you to keep watch over your heart, for many a man has laid with a woman, thinking it nothing but a fleeting bit of pleasure, only to find himself missing her company the following day. Such feelings are the warning signs that you are drifting towards trouble. If you are unable to keep your heart solidly locked away, then do not engage in such casual business at all. That is my advice.
And if you meet a young woman that makes you think of marriage, I would wish to hear about it. I cannot write more on that indefinable "something" at this moment, as these thoughts are heavy on my mind, and have put me into a dark mood.
Until next we meet, I remain your affectionate cousin,
