New faces continue to appear about Bree, and all of them have been quite pleasant, I'm happy to say. I bumped into Aeroden at the Scholar's Archive, where he was browsing the mountains of books and scrolls. I had gone in looking for information on treating Mud Fever, as the spring rains make it a regular hazard for the horses, and it's been quite some time since I last encountered it, so the treatment was not fresh in my memory. Aeroden was warm and gracious, as seems to be his nature (I think I can say this, having met with him several times now), and he aided me in finding the book that I sought. We sat then and read our respective tomes by the fire, and all was very peaceful and pleasant in his company. He spoke a little more about his situation; a traveling tutor who lives mostly hand-to-mouth, and I remembered that Firithain had recently vacated the Guest House in Hookworth in favor of his own cottage. And so I did what I do; I offered a place to Aeroden. There seems little sense in letting a kind, friendly soul drain their purse for one of Barliman's lumpy beds. As soon as the words left my lips, I thought perhaps I had been too presumptuous, and that he would politely tell me that it wasn't my business, and that he was just fine where he was. Thankfully, however, he did not! He pondered on it briefly and then said he'd be glad to accept the offer. Especially when I mentioned that Hookworth has an entire house filled with books that could use a little looking after!
Ah, my thoughts are so scattered today...I know I meant to write about this or that, but...alas, I will simply go on from here.
Aeroden and I eventually walked to the Prancing Pony so that he could arrange his departure and settle his account with Mister Butterbur. He offered his arm for me to take; quite the gentlemanly gesture! I admit, it made me blush to walk the street holding a man's arm, and I had to remind myself sternly that it is a polite and chivalrous thing to do, and there was nothing unbecoming about it. Upon arriving, I stopped to greet Cesistya, and then almost immediately, Firithain, Sareva, and Ashwyneth piled in the door behind me. We wound up all sitting together for the evening, and it was a really lovely time. The young lady I met the other evening, called Eldryssa joined us shortly after. It seems she is a healer as well? Ah, that reminds me: I did have a moment alone with Ashwyneth, where I inquired after Firithain's recovery, and to my relief, she assured me he was healing well. I don't recall anything else especially noteworthy about our evening. It was simply pleasant and relaxing, and I believe did my soul a bit of good.
It was decided that Ash would accompany myself, Firithain, and Aeroden back to Hookworth, and that she would go on her way alone (I was not thrilled at this idea!). We bid Cesistya good evening, and Sareva made her way out as well. Aeroden, poor soul, has not even coin for a horse yet, and would not hear of burdening one of our beasts with himself, so we all took to our feet and walked together. I think that Jack may have a bit of a soft spot for Hawthorn, by the way those two walk side by side and continuously nudge into each other!
Aeroden seemed delighted with the inn at Hookworth, which pleased me greatly. No sooner had we stepped inside, however, than Ash took her leave and swept out before we could give her a proper farewell. I said something about getting her home safely, and next thing I knew, there went Firithain after her! I found it all quite humorous, and was glad that she would have an escort home.
I showed Aeroden around the inn a bit, and I think my pride in the place may have peeked through, judging by the smile on his face. And then...I don't recall the exact details now, or what was said, but I remember going rather quiet, and he asked if I were all right. I think I nodded, and then his hand was on my shoulder, and he was saying something calm and kind, as is his way, and suddenly Firithain was standing behind him, with a look like a stormcloud on his face.
I am not ready to deal with things like this. I shouldn't have to. I refuse to. Yet, what a silly thing for me to say. As if refusing will make things cease to be what they are.
The moment passed, thankfully, and I bid Aeroden goodnight, and departed the inn with Firithain close behind me. I said little until we reached my house, and then told him as tactfully as I could manage, that he was not permitted to exhibit jealousy on my behalf. He was nothing but apologetic and contrite, and I felt the sincerity of his words. I was not angry, not truly. I felt as much sympathy for his plight as I did for my own.
I know he wishes to be protective and caring, and that he would put aside his personal feelings if he could in order to do that. He is a good man, the best of men. I know he genuinely seeks to be selfless and noble, and there is a great passion in him to do the right thing. But the truth is that feelings are what they are. And I fear he is beginning to torment himself in my presence. And I am not good at being cold or distant or aloof. I fear I will only make it worse for him. I have enough of a burden on my shoulders, trying to fumble my way forward in life without my husband beside me. He was my world. My reason for being. My strength and my refuge.
I don't want to spend my days worrying that I will stumble without him.
