*Disclaimer from the author: The following entry, like every entry ever posted by me - the player - is an IC diary and, as such, not available for public knowledge to other characters within the game. Likewise, the thoughts, ideas and events depicted herein are the interpretation of the character and not in any way, shape or form a personal attack upon the players or RP of the other characters mentioned.*
I have been strangely hostile of late. This is very much unlike me and I cannot say that I am proud of it.
Admittedly, that elf claiming that females are as a lesser species has raised my ire no end, and it has not helped that he dared return and start on in that vein once more after yet again rudely inserting himself into both my presence and my conversation. Were I more of a violent person, I swear that I would have slapped him until he ran away crying like a baby!
It certainly did not help my mood at all that Eoryn came to Flannery and I asking us to cover for her with her mother whilst she ran off to make some money by stealing a valuable item to sell. The girl has come to me in the past asking how she can get a job and I have told her, more than once, to ask around the shops and farms for anyone hiring. Does she do so? No, of course not. She wishes for everyone to hold her hand and do everything for her rather than standing on her own two feet! How she expects to survive when her family inevitably die from old age and can no longer lead her around by her nose is quite beyond me.
Of course then another elf happened to come along, insert himself into the conversation and proceed to talk about her working for him. He spoke words of initiation and "starting them young," as he tried to convince the girl to work for him. The whole thing sounded sordid, seedy and distinctly wrong. His arguments that we were trying to prevent the girl from finding a future when we have done nothing but try to get her to stand on her own two feet and not end up being flogged for law-breaking was likewise annoying in the extreme. Try as I might, I could not help but verbally shred all three - both elves and Eoryn.
At some point in the proceedings Davick showed up to play another of his silly games. This time his target was Flannery, not I, for which I was thankful. I fear that if he dared to pull any of those stunts on me after so long ignoring my existance I would lose my temper completely.
I tire of it all. I tire of the arguments, the hostility, the games and the idiocies I see on a daily basis. To that end, I tried suggesting a truce with Drevorin. Now, I have no wish to be close to him again, nor even a distant friend to him, but his continued efforts to insult me have become ever more boring as time goes by. The proceedings went precisely as expected with him flatly refusing the suggestion, doing his high-and-mighty-evil routine and then flouncing out of the room like some snooty woman being told that her dress is out of fashion.
It was rather silly of me to think for a moment that I could broker some peace with that man, but I had to try even if only to assure myself that not everyone and everything in this dreary little town is completely without a saving grace. After all, if someone like him could see sense and lay aside any bitterness and pointlessly unnecessary hostility for the sake of even a morsel of personal peace then surely there is some hope for the rest of us!
I honestly have no clue why I am so short-tempered at the moment, but it is vexing that I should be so which does nothing to improve my mood. It is almost like my anger is self-perpetuating. I wonder if it is born of frustration at my inability to remember and understand, or if it may be something either more deep-seated or, conversely, something utterly petty and trivial? If I can identify its source then maybe, just maybe, I can be rid of it.
