I'm happy. Truly, I am very happy. I know I rushed into something when I shouldn't have, but I think I did the right thing. When two people want to be together, and nothing and no one is in the way, what's the point in not being together? I'm happy. I saw Corrben and Seaver today in the Pony. I know I haven't been on good terms with Seaver since he asked for that portrait of that brat, but I decided it's not him that I should be angry with. I gave him a hug today, I hope he understands I'm no longer upset. I hope he isn't upset with me for being upset.
Corrben made a backhand remark about my tight-fitting leggings, and said I looked good in my dress. I saw the way he was looking at me, he made it so obvious. It's a wonder how Eordion was so calm, really. I could never have done it. He was calm with Cirywen too, and I was ready to dump my hot tea on her head. I didn't, though. I dumped it on her ugly shoes. I will not apologize for not wanting to be considered 'edgy' and really impressive because I think death funny. That just makes you look ignorant.
Eordion is trying really hard, and it makes me happy. He doesn't always get it right, of course, but I like that he's trying. I know I was doubtful before, but I really do think he cares a great deal for me. I won't lie, I'm disappointed. I wanted children and I have always wanted children. I don't know if I will be with Eordion forever, but if we ended up happy and together in the end, I would not mind giving up my dream of having so many children and grandchildren. I cannot abandon him for something that is not his fault. I never asked if he wanted, children, though. I cannot imagine what it's like, to want children with all your soul, and not be able to have them. I think I might would die.
